LDS matched and waiting together

We are also LDS and wanting baby #11. We live in Oregon and the 8 child rule is driving me crazy. I'm having a hard time finding an agency to do a home study. I know of a agency in Utah that is more then willing to work with us, I just can't find a Home study. Any ideas? Going through the State is out of the questoins. 2 bio sons 17,16 2 sibling girls adopted 8 years ago now:15,14 3 siblings one boy 2 girls 6 years ago now:11,10,8 3 siblings all girls Foster Adopt finalized Aug 07 now 5,4,3

I want to know all your secrets girls! We've been waiting patiently for quite some time just to get baby #1. We've done everything we've been told to do and then some.....but no luck. We've never been contacted by a birthmom or squat.....I"m so frustrated! I want my baby.....

i think the only 'secret' i can give is to not be afraid to take chances. we have been hurt and we have had huge success in adding to our family through adoption. i am sorry it is taking so long for you. the only thing i can say is that the baby that is meant to be in your family will come, but not on your time, but Heavenly Fathers time. that is the honest truth and when it does finally happen, you will know without a doubt, that baby is what you were waiting for. donr be afraid to go outside of the box and search EVERYWHERE for your baby. you never know where he/she will come from.

rbigbus - we have 1 of those too - i dont know if we have the child limit here in utah. everyone always asks me that and no one ever said anything. we just adopted our 12th, so what do i know. it was a private adoption, so maybe that was the difference. ill tell you how i got my homestudy. i did a net search - something like, lcsw homestudy in UT - a few came up. i emailed a few and got 1 response back. she worked with an agency, but also did independent homestudys. i paid her and she did our homestudy, as simple as that. she never said a word about me having 2 many kids. just said any baby would be lucky to come to our family. good luck!

leslie - i am curious who you are working with. pm me. i am also in ut!

Hi Ladies: My name is Kara and we are currently approved to adopt and are trying to find a match! We are in Arizona and are working with LDSFS. How exciting for those of you that have been matched. I keep checking my email every hour in hopes of hear anything haha! We have been very proactive in our search. We have profiles on LDS and on parentprofiles. We have sent letters and emails to everyone we know and also have many family members and friends sharing the information. I try and frequent the message boards as well but other than that I do not know what else I can do! Nice to meet you all.

I never knew that anyone was able to adopt more than 2, so there was a sibling for the first baby. I'm just reading these posts of having so many adoptions to one family and it's blowing me away. I'm not saying anything bad about it just I never heard of this before. I do have a question and hope you don't get upset that I'm asking but when/if the birth parents want to be part of the kid's lives, or meet them when they are older or whatever, how do you feel about that? Do you feel it's ok? Also what do you tell the kids about their roots if anything? I'm just curious. I know by reading a lot lately, that LDSFS has changed the way they handle adoptions and they don't (at least don't seem to by all I've been reading) just toss the birth mother out as trash anymore. It looks as though the girls are more informed or at least given more choices than when I gave my daughter up in 1976. I just wonder how adoptive parents from LDSFS adoptions feel about all that now. Most of the people who adopted children back when I gave my daughter up wanted nothing to do with the birth mother or their children ever meeting their birth family. It was a huge deal for adoptive parents to hide their child and hope the birth mother never showed up ever in that child's life. Has that changed in these recent years? Also do the girls know their children go to homes with more than one adoption? I'm just curious about that because when I gave my daughter up, I was told that the family had no children and had waited for a baby and especially a little girl for a long time. When I got the non-identifying information from the courts years later, I found out there were already 2 natural sons living in the home and 3 that didn't from another marriage of the adoptive dad when my daughter was adopted. It was really important to me when I gave my daughter up that she go to a home where the people didn't have any other children and she'd be desperately wanted or needed for someone to start a family. The agency told me what I wanted to hear and not what the actual situation was with the family, so I'm just wondering if you know if the girls who give their babies up know the circumstances of the home their child is going to. It's more out of curiosity. I'm not trying to offend anyone by my questions or anything else I've said. My daughter was adopted through LDSFS. Rylee

As long as both parties wish it, the bparents actually get to meet with the aparents prior to birth, as well as when they relinquish. Most all LDS Aparents I know want to have SOME kind of contact with the bfam. We are open to visits personally.In the past, I've heard that aparents hid the child because the bmoms would try to kidnap the child...or so they were told/read/heard....i think that version of bmoms stems from a COERCED placement...Now I would probably turn down a match if I felt the girl was being coerced into placing. I don't want the child if you really want to be a parent! As an aparent, we must put together a profile for the bparents to look at. The main purpose of this is to give as true an accurate glimpse into our regular lives as possible. I have heard of some bparents requesting not to look at profiles, but as an aparent, you cannot be approved to adopt without having one. Beyond that, no info is required...however I've never known any profiles to intentionally hide the fact of other children. Most aparents today know of bparents in their life, and they're not seen as such a scary unknown person, like bp's used to be seen. Adoption still has it's bad apples, but on the whole it seems to be a more equal balance. Just as bp's were given mis-information, the ap's were told what the CW thought they wanted to hear...young teenage unwed mother poor etc...blah blah blah...come to find out the bmom was moderately well off, older or even married. I tell my dd as much as I know and what I don't know, I ask her bmom via email. I look forward to the day when my dd gets to hang out with her brothers and step dad again, and when her bmom is healed enough for a visit as well. I can't wait for us all to be one big family. I would LOVE to invite the bmom to our house for the holidays or for vacation. I would love to live near enough to dd's siblings so they could play and I could babysit. (they live with their dad) I wanna go on vacations with them and I cherish and save every email and picture.There's nothing offensive about your questions, I hope I answered them ok. I am just speaking from my own personal experience.

Another LDS adoptive mom here - Just adding my personal thoughts, and seconding what aspenhall wrote about bithmothers knowing the situations. They now get counseling on parenting as well as adoption, and get to search through the profiles of pictures and non-identifying info, and they themselves choose a couple or family for their child. They get to meet them before and at placement, if they want to, and can even choose the degree of openness they feel comfortable with. We like things a little less open (no identifying info) and were chosen by birthmothers who were okay with that. They have both since sent identifying info, which we have saved for our children, but we have kept our children's info private. (thinking it's up to them to open it later, if they choose). That said, we HAVE visited with them, in neutral places, and have regular mail and email contact with pictures. Even went to the wedding of our second child's birthmother. And LDSFS strongly encourages letters and pictures, especially at first, even if a birthmother doesn't request them. I know things used to be different, and we'd like to think things were always on the up and up - but know that things have not always been fair or as we think they should have been. I remember when they even used to give fake names of the adoptive parents, so the birthfamilies couldn't find them. And there was a rule about only being able to adopt 2 children through LDSFS, but that changed just a few years ago, along with the right to open things up a lot more, if both parties chose. No, your questions are not offensive, that's what these forums are for - to get answers, and share thoughts and get support you might not be able to find other places. So ask away! :) As far as future contact - I have to admit, I'm in the "occasionally fearful" camp. But I am working on it. I have a small fear, as many aparents do that creeps up at times, that reunion with birthfamilies may take away from our own relationship with our children. But that is MY problem, not the birthmothers, and I am trying hard to make sure it does not negatively affect the choices my children will make. I have a little part of my heart that wants to say "They are not their children anymore, they are MINE! And I hope my children never love them as much as they love me, and never skip Christmas with me to be with them... etc., etc, etc. Normal human-ness loves to creep in. But, as one poster wisely said, It's not like there's a limited supply of love in your child's heart, and giving a generous slice of the pie to them leaves a smaller slice for you. The birthparents of my children are truly wonderful people, and although I have left things mostly closed, because that is what I feel right about for us, I love to hear from them, and I love that I can tell my children where they came from, and how much they are loved, - not because I assume it, but because I have met and talked with and hugged thier birthmothers, and birth grandparents. I actually look forward to meeting them again (as long as my children still love me more... Hey - you asked for honesty. I'm not saying my feelings are right.... they are being developed and improved over time - besides my kids are still very young, and so there's plenty of time for their mom to get a grip before they tell me they want to meet their birthparents. Although I will have my own feelings to deal with, my children are the only ones who - on this earth, anyway - didn't choose adoption, we all made choices, they didn't. So they are the ones who have the right to choose what they want in the future. And as their mother, I have the privilege and responsibility to love and support them.

Thank you for your honesty and stories of your situation. I wish so bad that the LDSFS had the kind of program that they do now when I gave my daughter up. I was put in a foster home for unwed mothers and was cooerced into the adoption. I told everyone throughout the pregnancy that I wanted to keep my daughter and wished I could find a way. They told all of the girls in the program that we were doing the right thing for our babies because if we loved them we would "do the right thing" in other words give the babies up. There were meetings at the agency every week for spiritual lessons, birthing classes, and I can't remember what else but at no time did they ever give us any other options than adoption. Since I'm a member of the church I don't believe in abortion so that was never an option. When I had just given birth to my daughter the nurse went to hand her to me and the doctor yelled at her that I was giving the baby up and take "IT" out of here now! I wasn't allowed to hold my daughter for 24 hours. Then they gave her to me for a half hour when she was sound asleep. I couldn't wake her up. I tried and tried. She was just worn out or they gave her drugs to keep her sleeping. I don't know. I was drugged right before that and right before the papers were signed. All these people standing around my bed waiting for me to sign the papers and the head adoption person saying, "Hurry up honey we have other things to do and other places to go." I wasn't allowed to read what I signed. Then they put me in a room with women who couldn't have children and told me all about their woes of being childless. I believe that was another attempt to ensure that I would give my baby up. I wasn't allowed to see my boyfriend or associate with people my own age until after I had the baby. I was told that no "decent man" would ever want anything to do with me if he knew that I'd had a child out of wedlock so I should never mention it again that I'd had a baby. It was a horrible time for me. I am still suffering as a result of the adoption. After hearing all the lies that were told to me by everyone involved with the adoption I learned not to trust anyone anywhere and still don't for the most part to this very day. I do have to say though, in spite of the horrible way that the adoption went and the fact that my daughter was put in a home with unfit people to raise any child, it didn't turn me away from the church. I have a testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ of Latterday Saints. I know Joseph Smith was a true prophet of God. I know the Book of Mormon is true and I know that Jesus Christ died for my sins and I love him for that. I've been to the temple and I hold a vaild and current temple recommend. I hold those things sacred. The way the agency treated me back then and the way they dealt with me and my daughter when we finally met, I could have gone away from the church very easily but I think my testimony is the only thing that saved me really. That was a horrible and devastating time in my life. I wish so much that the adoptions would have been like they are now. My daughter's a-dad was the one who found me. I think he always knew were I was but I didn't know where my daughter was. That's another story. He was ok with me but his ex-wife told me the day that my first grandchild was born, even though we shared that experience together at my daughter's request, told me that I should have died after giving birth to her daughter. It hurts pretty bad. I never had any intention of trying to take my daughter back after 21 years. I was just thrilled to know she was still alive. She suffered a lot of abuse as a child and was in mental institutions most of her teen years. She suffered a lot because of those people. But I've got to forgive and I'm working on that. I'm just glad that I was able to meet her even though we don't talk anymore. Rylee