family strangers, can someone help

I gave my son up for adoption 26 yrs ago, only I gave him up to my half sister I hardly knew. My mother initially asked me if she could take my baby on vacation a 1000 miles away. I didn`t think nothing of it, not until she didn`t return.I went to see what was taking her so long. I was 17 when she told me I had nothing to offer my baby. At that point she told me she would not be returning home. I feel I was manipulated into signing a paper thinking my mother knew best.I tried to ignore it for years. They changed his name which really hurt. But what really hurt the most was that I was not allowed to have any contact at all. No birthdays, no Christmas. They told me I would be his aunt and all would be good. I can tell you, I know what its like to give my baby up to strangers. I tried to communicate by a card here and there, every few years. In 1994 I got hate mail that said "you didn`t want him" I had to read it over and over, I could believe what my mother had writen. My sister I guess didn`t like my son getting a birthday gift. I signed my birth name, so I couldn`t see what the problem was. I did sit beside him once while I was passing through. I could amagine what his soft hands felt like. I was to afraid to touch him for fear of my family. "I`m your mommy" I said aloud in my mind. So many years of trying, now here`s my chance, and now i`m afraid. he even invited me to his wedding. What more could I ask for. Its so awkward now. When I see his picture I feel like I want to just hug him. I want to go there like he`s asked. I can`t get past being so angry. I wish I could just make it go away, just focus on him. But, I`m scared. he lives in a small community where my sister and her family lives. ( half brothers and sister of mine I hardly know)He doesn`t want to talk about the adoption now that we are trying to communicate. He says it bothers him. Our communacation is very strained. he would like to meet his father. I was afraid of him. I have the medical files to prove it. Although that isn`t his problem, it is mine. he looks like him alot. I don`t know how to deal with this if he won`t talk about it.They didn`t tell him he was adopted. He found out on his own from school. Small town.Can anyone help...i`m in the dark. I expected to just forget about it like it was nothing, but he was and still is something to me.