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So much depends on the temperment of your kids and if they are good travelers. For our first two adoptions from China, my husband stayed home with our other children who were either too young, or hated to be away from home for more than a day. For our latest adoption, I traveled with my 7 year old and we had a blast. Too, she has an easy going personality and was a good traveler. I would really consider taking an 11 year old when going to China, but for the family with a 6 and 4 year old, I would think about how well they do with being away from home for two weeks and how the youngest would deal with a possible scenario of a very needy newly adopted baby. Too, think about how they would deal with sitting around a provincial office for several hours while the parents were interviewed and had to sign a ton of papers. Every family is different, and their kids are different, too. But, please, be realistic and think hard about the travel. I was in a group travel with a family who brought along their 3 year old spoiled brat and this kid made all of our lives miserable.
My personal opinion is that your children are too young to allow you to focus on your new family addition. The child you are adopting will be overwhelmed to begin with, but to toss young siblings into the mix? I personally would not do it. However, that said, that's me. Maybe you are bringing your husband and mother to help with the kids, I don't know...I just don't think that going to China to adopt a child is like having your children visit you in the hospital after having a baby. Best of luck to you on whatever you decide. I'm positive it will be the right decision for your family.
I compeletely agree with Melissa. It really, really depends on how flexible your kids are and how much extra stress you think it'll put on you to bring them. I know some 4 and 6 year olds that could do it and some that would be a major problem. It has as much to do with how much you can hand as how much they can handle. Also expecting and planning for comlications is a great way to start any international trip. Warning: I'm going to ramble personal thoughts on international travel now, if you want to cut to the chase skip this. I really enjoy this section (international adoption travel) because I'm so familar with international travel. I've discovered that I'm very split about somethings. I'm a major believer that taking your kids with you is a great experience for them, but then I'm very aware of the complications that any international trip can bring that most people realistically wouldn't want to either deal with kids in addition to or wouldn't want to put their kids through (hugh waits, uncomfortable places). For me though I don't think some of the issues would be as big as for other people given how "normal" I view a lot of the things that push a lot of americans into a panic (lanuage barriers, excessive red tape and currupted bouracracy, major delays/airport chrisis' ). All in all I'm really looking forward to this part of adoption, as crazy as that may seem to some.
I asked this question on the China board. I think it really is a personal question. I also got some PMs on this topic as well. People have taken small children 4 to China and had a good experience with them. They wanted to make it a family thing. Also, sometimes it isn't possible to leave your child at home with someone else. I know in our case, we could not leave our child with anyone. Of course, ask your agency because some agencies do not allow it, and other agencies are fine with it. Good luck to you!
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We took our 9 year old (adopted from China in 98)and not only did she have a great time, she was a great help as well. i feel that she also made the transition a little eaisier. I must say that she is a great traveler. The trip is no vacation so, as has been said before, it depends on your kids. On our last trip a family took their 7 and 8 year old bio children (boys) and they made the new addition (a 6 year old girl) feel right at home. Personally, I think 4 may be a bit young unless you have someone that can look after them.
I know a single, older woman who traveled to China with her previously adopted Chinese daughter. The girl was in the age range of your sons.
In many ways, things went very well. One of the main reasons was that the woman brought along several relatives who helped to ensure that BOTH children got plenty of individual Mom time, and that the older child got to do some exploring while Mom was busy with boring adoption formalities. Also, the older girl was an adventuresome eater and a fairly good traveler who enjoyed seeing new places.
On the other hand, there WERE meltdowns and they were spectacular. The older child tended, even before travel, to be clingy and intense. She was most likely to melt down when she was overtired, and she was not the world's best sleeper. There WERE instances where the older child stated that she wished the newly adopted child could be given back.
The newly adopted child turned out to be a very curious and ACTIVE baby, who kept the Mom VERY busy. The child also was somewhat intense, though not quite as much so as her big sister. This was a bit hard for the older child, although she was often helpful with her new sibling.
Once home, I think the benefits of taking the older child outweighed the drawbacks. The two siblings bonded well, and the older child became extremely protective of her younger sister. The older child also was very proud to tell her classmates and everyone else about how she climbed the Great Wall and so on.
The Mom, though somewhat frazzled by the end of the trip, especially since both girls wanted to sleep in her bed at times, is well known to all who know her as an immensely patient and calm person. Before she took on the task of parenting an active and intense second child, she was amazing in dealing with her first child. And she managed to handle the stresses of having two children beautifully, both in China and once they got home.
It was also helpful that the woman was in a tiny travel group of just three or four families, and was an experienced traveler apart from her adoption trips. She did not have to conform to the regimentation of a big group. She could do some things on her own, without the group. Her relatives could help the other families, as well as her. And so on.
Sharon