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Hello. I was wondering if anyone else has experienced the same situation we are regarding adoption. We have researched adoption for the last three years, and began the process a year ago. We are almost through with the process, we are just waiting on the referral and will travel about 3-4 months from now.
We have found that family, friends, and our church is not very supportive at all. The family we thought would have been supportive, is not. No one asks about the adoption or the kids. We sent letters to all our family members, no one has emailed, wrote, or called to ask us anything about it. We feel as if we are outsiders. We have tried calling, speaking with most of them, making them aware at how desperate the situation is and the orphans, and no one really seems to care.
And, forget any financial fundraising. Nothing. No one reacted. We only have a few good friends that have given any encouragement or support.
Our church has even brushed off the subject and lack of concern.
I'm starting to wonder, if it were another country besides Liberia, would there be more interest?
Has anyone else experienced lack of support, and how did you deal with it?
Should I expect it to continue after the children are home?
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Hi there. I was actually just lurking over from the Guatemalan board, but I read your post and wanted to respond. First of all, congratulations on your adoption! I don't know much about the adoption process in Liberia, but I hope it goes smoothly and that you have your son or daughter here before you know it. And while for several reasons my husband and I eventually decided to adopt from Guatemala instead, Liberia is a country very close to my heart; my work has led me at times to work closely with the wonderful Liberian community here in the United States. I'm so sorry you're not feeling supported by your community with this. While I don't know why it's happening in your particular case, I've certainly seen many people on the board experience similar things, whether they were adopting from Liberia or other places. Sometimes people just don't understand adoption - it's such a foreign concept to them that they don't know how to discuss it. Some people just don't see how you can love a child who wasn't born to you, so they reject the whole idea. Sometimes race is a factor too (though since I don't know you I don't know if yours will be an interracial adoption); many times our friends and families don't feel comfortable with the idea of interracial families, particularly if they haven't had a lot of experience around people of different ethnic groups. I know it's hard. Here's this absolutely wonderful, life changing thing you're doing, and people just don't get it. Hang in there. Can you tell your friends and family that you are not feeling supported? Can you ask them what their thoughts are about adoption, and if they have any questions or concerns? Unfortunately, we often just need to be patient and educate people slowly. Maybe your agency can point you to other families in your general area who are adopting or have adopted, who can help support you right now? Or maybe you can use these boards to try to establish a network - I know there are some geographically-based sub-boards. And in almost all cases that I've seen, everything changes when you get that beautiful baby home! Hugs to you :grouphug: and congratulations again.
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Congratulations on being so close to a referral!
Unfortunately, a lot of people do view the beginning of the adoption process like they view the "trying to get pregnant" process. There's no child yet, there's no due date (although there may be an estimate that ranges in the months), etc.
Once there is a real child to think about -in pregnancy there's a belly and sonogram pictures, in adoption there are referral pictures and a name - the attitude of some people often improves.
And then once the children are home it often improves even more.
Of course it's not a guarantee. There will always be people who simply don't give any attention to the adoption process or the adopted child. There are those who are prejudiced against Africans (or African-Americans) or who believe you "should" have adopted from somewhere else.
It may or may not continue after your children are home. Some adopted children are accepted with open arms. Other adopted children don't even get baby showers or have anyone show up at the "welcome home" party or first birthday. It really varies, and depends mostly on the adults involved.
I'm sorry you're going through this. Try to surround yourself with supportive, happy people and not be concerned with the rest.
Hi,
I didn't adopt from Ethopia, but I have experienced no support. I adopted my son via fost/adopt and my family was completely against it. I remember telling my aunt that God was calling me to adopt and she told me maybe God was calling me to teach children's sunday school. I'm dead serious, she said that to me. I told her I didn't think so and perserved.
I knew my family would love my child once he or she was in my arms but before, it wouldn't be pleasant.
When I finally got the call, I was praying and wondering if this was the right situation for me. I decided to ask my mom (also my roomie) what she thought. She told me, I shouldn't adopt until after we came back from our vacation. At the time, our vacation was 5 months away. I wisely ignored her and said yes.
22 months later, Jory's Oma is madly in love with him. Madly in love with him. A store opened across the street from her job and for the past few weeks, I've been seeing knew trucks or cars being added to his toy box. She loves picking him up from daycare and is very bothered if I tell her not to because I'm picking him up. He has filled a space in her heart and life that she didn't know was missing. The rest of my family is also besotted with him.
My mother is still anti-adoption. She believes every man and woman should raise their own child. I told her in a sin-free world that would happen, but that's not the world we live in.
I finally explained to my mom that adoption is a gift, like preaching, teaching, missionary work. They are all gifts from God and He doesn't give everyone the same gift. He gave me the heart to adopt, but not her. She tells that to people now. "Yash says it's a gift from God and it must be because I don't have it."
I'm currently paperchasing for baby number 2 from VN and I'll tell her about this after I get my referral or maybe my travel date. :)
All I can say is stay strong. If your family, friends, and church family aren't accepting of your baby when he or she comes, then have faith that God will provide you with new loved ones and a new church that will welcome you both with open hearts and arms.
God bless,
Yash
Thank you all for your words of encouragement :)
We really appreciate it. I think after so many discouraging and unsupportive words, I get worn down. I know that the children we are adopting will be such a blessing to our family. We are not getting infants, which may be part of the problem. We have heard the "what if they have problems" fear and its not really a fear for us. We are being blessed with a 3 year old boy and a 6 year old girl. We are going to stand our ground and we know GOd has called us to this, as you say it is a ministry and a blessing for us. This is the first of many and we have let family know that.
we have pictures of them on our site, if I can give it out
[url=http://liberian-adoption.blogspot.com/]Owen Family-Liberian Adoption[/url] . We are very excited to get to this point, only a few months left. It has been a year and a half in the making! :love:
Thanks,
Brande