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I am 24 years old, 23 weeks with my first. My boyfriend and I have been together for two years. He has full custody of a beautiful four year old boy, and three years ago him and his ex put another son up for adoption. He thinks about his child all of the time, and he hurts from it. When we found out that I was pregnant, we discussed our options, and adoption came up. I never quite said yes or no to the idea, and the other day the topic came up again. I told him that I don't think I can do it. I highly doubt that I can give my child up (even though I know it would be well taken care of, I just can't see myself allowing someone else to raise my child). He grew very upset, and told me that keeping it was not an option. That we are placing this baby and that is final. I just can't do it. I love him dearly, and I want to be with him, but I can't figure out what I need to do. I think I am ready to be a mother, in fact, I feel that I have been ready for a long time. My family is being very supportive in all of this, they want desparately for me to keep the baby. they don't know how strained it is making my relationship. He wants nothing to do with his unborn child, but I do. I haven't completely ruled out adoption yet, but I just can't decide. Has anybody been through a situation similar? What was the outcome? Please help! My email is wonderfulperfection@hotmail.com, feel free to email me your advice/suggestions. I will welcome them.
Katie Michelle
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If you are ready to parent and want to parent then you should parent. You have the support of your family which is so much more than many others have. Unfortunately for your boyfriend he gets to have an opinion on whether you keep your baby but he does not have final say. Ultimately it will be your decision.
Congratulations!
Tricia
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Katie Welcome to the forums!! If you want to parent and you have the support of your family to parent, Please do not allow your childs father to discourage you. It can cause resentment, anger and pain for you and for him. If he isnt willing to parent then you will obviously have to explain that though it is his right not to he still has to be responsible for his actions of creating a baby. Aside from the support and help from your family there are alot more resources for single parents out there, just research them! Good luck to you and we will be behind you if you need us!!
Dear Katie, My 23-year old daughter was in a similar situation two years ago. She was pregnant, the father being her college boyfriend of three years. He pushed hard for abortion but she could not do it. After that, the relationship went downhill and ended after a few months. She was absolutley heartbroken. She briefly considered adoption for her son and lost confidence in her ability to parent. While not exactly thrilled that our single daughter was pregnant, we were excited about being grandparents. We did not want her to make a decision about her and her son's future while she was in such an emotional turmoil over her lost relationship. So, we all agreed that there would be no discussion of adoption until after the birth of her son. The loss of her boyfriend was very, very difficult for her. However, she did heal. She did decide to parent her son who is now a "bursting with energy", gorgoeous 19-month old. She is very happy being a mom and is doing a great job. My entire family is enjoying this little guy ssoooo much. My husband and I help a lot, and we see our grandson as a huge blessing and not a burden. I don't want to sound all happy, happy, joy, joy. My daughter was heartbroken and felt utterly betrayed by her son's father. She went through some very difficult weeks in the beginning. BUT she did work through it and has met a nice guy who adores her son. I wish you the best of luck with your pregnancy and becoming a mom. Big hugs. Happy G'Ma
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I was 29, had been in a committed relationship, both of us in college, doing very well. Well, when I found out I was pregnant, he was ready for abortion, adoption, anything but parenthood. It was a long emotional road, but I found some great friends in the chat here when I was scared out of my head and exploring my options, who are still my friends today and were there for me through the entire process. I'm now the proud parent of three week old Gracelynn Claire, and I couldn't be happier. It's not easy, but it is worth it. I guess what I want to say is keep your mind open, and know that whatever decision you make will be the right one, for both you and your child.:flower:
I'm with the others... follow your heart and your gut! I do wonder however... do you think the child he and his ex placed for adoption is part of his problem? You say he thinks of that boy all the time, is it possible that he doesn't feel right about parenting this child after placing the other child. I know there are women who feel that way. I'm not excusing him, but trying to understand where he's coming from. Know that adoption is not easy. If you are not convinced it is the right thing for you; if you do it for the sake of your relationship, chances are you will have a rough time afterward and will resent you boyfriend for forcing the adoption. There are no guarantees the relationship will last either way. I hear you saying you want to parent. You have a support system. Follow your heart!