Pregnant and Freaking out!

I really think it is important that you get so counseling to determine why you feel this child will "ruin" your life. You may find that this child is actually an unexpected blessing. You should also get as much information as you can on kinship adoption. It has different complexities than "stranger" adoption. A few questions to consider... - What is the child going to call you? While you would be an aunt, you are first and foremost this child's first mother. - How will you tell the child his/her adoption story? Your extended family, for better or worse, will have their own version of things as well. - How will you explain the adoption to the children you are parenting? They may have their own feelings of loss regarding their brother/sister being taken away from the family. - How will it affect the relationship you have with your sister? If you decide to place, your sister's first priority will be the child. If you already have a difficult relationship, it could very well make it worse. If you have a really close relationship it may change how she is able to "hear" you. Particularly when you are going through the grieving process. -What kind of education/preparation does your sister have? What are her beliefs and ideas regarding kinship adoption? Certainly she does not believe that a child should "go to strangers" but how does she see kinship adoption working? There is more... this just scratches the surface. I think it is important that before you make any decisions you need to get through the shock and feelings of crisis that come with an unexpected pregnancy. Find someone to talk to. If you need help finding a counselor in your area, pm me.

Once upon a time, my sister and I were in the same situation as you find yourself. She had two almost-grown teenagers and discovered she was pregnant without benefit of husband or steady boyfriend. My husband and I had been trying to conceive for nearly 20 years. It was my sister's idea to place her baby with us. I was a little uncertain at first because of my sister's unpredictable nature; but the idea began to grow on me and we started to make real plans. One day I called Sis to talk about her prenatal care and she said, "Oh that. It's not going to happen because I had an abortion (late-term) last week." I was crushed -- literally, heart-broken. It took a long, long time for me to get over it. I think I could have been happy for her if she had decided to raise the child herself, but I could not deal with the pain of knowing that she had terminated the pregnancy that she knew had come to mean so much to us. I guess I just mean to caution you about discussing this with your sister until you're fairly sure you know what you want to do. My fractured relationship with my sister never completely healed, although my heart's desire was realized years later when I adopted my sister's granddaughter! And that makes me as expert as anyone on the subject of kinship adoption -- which I believe can work when it's done out of love and no one feels compelled by circumstances beyond their control. DeeCee

both of what these ladies have shared as advice are very very true and important to remember. first, why would having this third child be a "bad" thing. Yes an unplanned pregancy is scary and there are alot of things to concider. try to really think this threw and talk about what Bromanchik said about how this would affect your relationship with your sister. I have an open adoption with my sister but the relationship between us has definatly changed.

I agree with what's been said here about kinship adoption and about getting counseling, so you can make an informed choice, rather than one out of panic. You're much more likely to make a decision you feel good about if you get counseling. I want to add something about "stranger" adoption though. If you choose adoption, you don't have to be strangers with the A-family. Even if you don't know them now, open adoption situations can allow you to come to know and love the a-family. We have a great, open relationship with our daughter's b-mother.