signs of a failed adoption

I have to agree with Christie (and Gigi). Sometimes there are a TON of red flags-no contact, etc. BUT sometimes the BP's lose contact right before birth b/c they are grieving but they place. I know I did read once in the CIG to Adoption of signs that Bmom may parent but even those signs aren't foolproof. I know AP's who had every red flag in the book and bmom placed and I know AP's who had NO red flags and bmom parented. You just have to hold on and expect a bumpy ride.

Its true - I've read a number of red flags on the forums in the last seven years or so - many of which applied to my situation - and I placed. There is really no 'crystal ball' - just guard your heart go into every situation with the possiblity that it may or may not work. In the end, your child will find you!

Adoptmom, I feel compelled to answer again. I think maybe you're looking for reassurance about your own situation (I noticed in your siggy that the baby is due Xmas day!). Like Brandy said, there is no crystal ball and no one "right" way. What you're looking for is like asking, "what kind of aparents do bmoms like?" or "what kind of bmom places/doesn't change her mind?" There is just no right answer, I'm sorry. You mentioned there seemed to be a bunch of failed adoptopns lately. I guess it's all where you're "at" b/c I haven't really noticed that many but I'm not in that "place" either. FWIW, it seemed as though, there were failed adoptions all around us when we were waiting too; we actually had a failed match! But DS came along a mere 3 mos later. I am hoping that you are away from the forums b/c you are holding your baby! Keep in touch!

I was right on the money our matched turned into a failed placement. When she stopped answering the phone and tried to avoid us.

I am sorry.

I am so sorry for your loss. Take the time you need to grieve. No words will make you feel better but just know you are in our prayers.

Oh - adoptmom_02 I am so very sorry. I'm saying a prayer for you tonight.

I am sorry for what you are going through. I will pray for your family. God Bless!

(((((((((((((((adoptmom02)))))))))

In my opinion birthparents really should think if they want to place or not before bring adoptive parents into this so they won't hurt anyone if they decide to parent. They should get alot of counseling to be sure. sorry this happens to them.

Adoptmom02, I'm so sorry for your loss. It must be difficult for your ds as well. You're in my thoughts.

The problem is that before the child is born, it's all theoretical. Even all the counseling in the world doesn't necessarily completely prepare you for the reality of a baby.

Hi all...I'm forging into a new forum today. Some of you saw my post in "General Support" about 3 Emom requests which were raised in our first conversation. I can't say this ever became a match but it was soooo close. In essence it came down to 3 things Emom wanted:[LIST=1][*]Us to use Emom's grandfather's name as either first or middle name. The name she wanted us to use we just couldn't get our heads around from the outset. We tried our best to be honest about it and would still consider a compromise here.[*]Bigger issue - she wanted to be Godmother to the baby. This is a moot point and a good piece of information for ALL to take away. In the Roman Catholic faith the Canon Law forbids parents to be Godparents. We inquired with a long time proest friend and with Canon Lawyers about whether a Bmom's status is seen differently under Canon Law in adoption. The answer was no. Canon Law draws no distinction between b-parents and a-parents. The operative word ia "parent."[*]Biggest issue. Being named among the next of kin. This issue shifted more than the tides on any given day. First it was ensuring she was listed as among the next of kin so she would be notified of something happened to DW and I. Then she wanted to interview and have significant input into our decision on guardians. Then it was having "veto power" over our choice of guardian. With the tides constantly shifting we agreed to ensure our relationship with her was continued status quo by any future guardian and memorializing it in our will, as well as informing her of whom we chose, the nature of our relationship with them and a bit of their history and background.[/LIST]Well, as you might guess the potential match unraveled and our journey continues. I'm curious to hear from others who may have faced similar situations and how you resolved them, if you were able to do so. Feel free to PM me with the info... Thanks for listening... :flowergift:

Rob, Yes, this is a roller coaster. I'm glad you came here for support. So are you saying that this adoption is not one which will be continuing? If so I am very sorry this happened to you. I do think it best that problems which can not readily be cleared up prior to birth (as it appears here) are even less likely to be cleared up afterward. I STILL have an unresolved adoption after 4 years. And I did not have any indicators of problems prior to the birth, nor for months afterward. I hope you find what you are looking for. this is a great place for support. Christie

Christie - This never really had a chance to even become a full-fledged match. It's not easy to admit but it did happen. I'm disappointed and angry to some extent and DW is disappointed too. In a way we're botha bit angry, not because of the failed match but because almost from the end of our first conversation 5 days ago, we've been on the defensive, constantly feeling we had to defend our reasoning; time and energy wasted when we should have been spending time learning more about each other. I thank God these issues presented themselves now instead of just before or worse yet, after placement. We live & learn. I look forward to being an active participant in this and other threads here. :flowergift: