What in the world is a Failed Adoption????

What happened to us is what I would consider a "failed placement." Mom had the baby, chose us to parent, we arrived at the hospital to meet them, named the baby, etc. We spent the night at a local hotel and arrived at the hospital for baby's discharge only to find that mom had changed her mind about placing. In my opinion, the definition of "failed adoption" is when you've actually adopted the child and it's disrupted for whatever reason...birthparent contests the adoption, etc.

Yes it is important to realize the difference between a failed match and a failed adoption. An expectant Mother considering placement isn't a birth mom until that TPR is signed and thus, it's not a failed adoption but a failed match.

A failed adoption can mean a birthmom or birthdad chose parents for the baby but the birthparents decided to parent once the baby was born or sometimes even before the baby was born.

Golly, the terms can be overwhelming at times as so many people have so many different definitions. My best understanding of a failed adoption is when a placement is made, child is in your home, the right of the birthparents are terminated and the child is free for adoption and then something else happens that disrupts the placement. Or if an adoption is final and the new parents make a determination that they cannot parent the child. Anything else isn't a failed adoption. If a child is placed in a home prior to termination of the birthparent's rights then that child is not free to be adopted therefore there is no failure. This is esp true if there is a "match" between an expecting parent and waiting family. THe expecting parent has the right to choose to parent.

Then this is what's called a failed MATCH. A failed adoption is like what was posted previously; where the AP's had the child for awhile and the adoption was disrupted for some reason. The problem is that these 2 terms are used quite interchangeably and they shouldn't be.

For the OP. . . failure to complete the adoption could happen for any number of reasons. I agree with the other posters that from the perspective of the expectant parents, the decision to place the child for adoption is not concrete until TPRs are final. Until that point, eparents may discover that they really do have the ability to parent, a family member or friend may offer to help, the prospective adoptive parents may determine the situation is not right for them, etc. Typically a disruption after final TPRs occurs if there is some legal defect in the original adoption (often a birthfather issue)-- generally through no fault of the adoptive parents. (not blaming the birth parents here. . . usually it's the adoption professionals who screwed up). I don't know a lot about older child adoption, but I believe that disruptions may occur there as well, in circumstances where the adoptive parents were not given proper information or support for the child. (that sounds trite. . . it's a lot deeper than that, but it's not my issue, so I'll let someone else explain). With that said, I have to add that I feel a little offended by the direction this thread is taking. While there may be some value in distinguishing between the stages of the adoption process to "name" the loss that occurs, to a certain extent the legal status of the adoption doesn't fully matter. What is relevant is the depth and rawness of the loss to you, whether or not you are legally entitled to feel that way. In my case, I consider the failure to be a failed placement or failed adoption-- I use the terms interchangeably. In the hospital, I cared for Snugglebunny (mom wanted to limit the time she spent with her, and it was important to her that we bonded) and mom signed TPR. We agreed on her name (although I selected it). She thanked me and I thanked her before we parted ways. I took Snugglebunny home and became the mom I had been asked to become. The fact that T still had the legal right to change her mind (and did so) does not change the feeling that I have that I lost the child I adopted. I'm probably overly sensitive in this area-- I'm just getting past the point where I can suppress the desire to fly into a rage when someone "gently reminds me" that Snugglebunny was not really my daughter. My point is that, legally, there is a difference between failed match, failed placement, failed adoption. As a practical and emotional matter, though it doesn't matter. Once the child becomes your child in your heart, regardless of whether you are entitled or wise or legally sound in feeling so, any failure is a failed adoption, IMO. Just my $.02 Char

Char, I can see from your siggy that this topic might be an emotional one for you. No one has once said that the emotions aren't real or that no matter what you have, failed match, placement or adoption, that it's not a loss. No one is implying that at all. I, as you may not know, had a failed match, one WEEK before the due date after having been matched for what seemed like an eternity-five months! So I do know of the emotions and the loss. So much of a loss for me, that I missed 2 weeks of work and had to go my dr for some anti-depressants. The OP had asked what a "failed adoption" was and some of us were just trying to give answers. That's what these boards are for; to help others who need it and ask for it.

The OP has "Pride classes..." listed in her signature. That means she's adopting from her state's foster care system. Which means there are some extra possibilities for the definition of "failed adoption". Especially in adoption from foster care, where the children involved have almost all experienced some form of neglect or abuse, those children will have behaviors that are not the "norm" for children of their age. It is not uncommon for parents - even after they have adopted a child - to realize that they have gotten in over their heads. That the child has behaviors that they are not capable of dealing with. When the parents are not capable of parenting the child even when they have tried and used up every resource available to them, then some parents choose to disrupt the adoption. They may find another family to parent the child, one who is more capable of dealing with the particular behaviors, or they may call child protective services and have the child removed to go live in a foster home. But either way their parental rights end up terminated. But as far as what happens to cause the parents to decide they can't parent that child, well, lots of things *could* happen. Children who have been sexually abused sometimes do the same things to other children. Children who were beaten or burned sometimes do the same things to other children. Children who were not properly cared for in the first three years of their lives can develop attachment disorders (google "Reactive Attachment Disorder" or "RAD" for info on the most devastating type of attachment disorder) that cause the child to act in ways that normal people find astoundingly dysfunctional. And so on. Your classes should cover a LOT of this. But because the classes are by necessity very short and have to cover a little bit of everything, they won't go into much detail. However, you'll find those details in other places if you choose to look. The Foster Care And Adoption forums here can help, as can the Special Needs And Attachment forums here. You can go to Amazon or any other bookseller's website and find books on foster care, attachment, and many other issues. Most of them are very good and will help fill in the blanks that the classes will leave. I hope that helps!

I'm sorry if you are offended and I know you've been through alot. I don't think anyone was trying to minimize that at all. You can feel whatever you need to. But the OP didn't ask about emotions, at least as I read her post. It was about definitions and I think many (or I should just speak for myself) are offering just that... a definition of what a failed adoption is. A failure may be that no matter what in your heart, but legally it isn't a failed "adoption" (which was the question) or any adoption at all for that matter until the child is free to be placed for adoption. This is what I learned through parent prep training for adoption and foster care and private agency adoption classes as well. Each time, this is what we were told. So that's how I define it and that's what I wrote to answer the question. Again, I am sorry for all you've been through... I don't think anyone was trying to offend. You have to work through things the way you see them.

Well, I'm not so sure the OP asked what the "legal" definition is. All depends o your perspective, I guess. My answer would be broader than legalities, but my "failed adoptions" were international. In one case, the country in question canceled adoptions to the US for awhile right before our travel was scheduled. Kept the money, of course. I call that failed. In another case, the rules changed mid-stream and made us "unqualified" suddenly. I think some may define those as failed referrals. That's fine, too. But if the OP, who I'm sure can speak for herself, was interested in "what can happen" as she indicated, then mine is one of many answers. To the OP...... there are lots of stories of failure and success. Risk analysis is an ambitious project in the adoption world.

Sorry for the rant. I certainly didn't think that anyone intended to offend me personally (especially since I hadn't yet posted on the thread!), just that I felt offended. As one poster pointed out, and as I tried to mention, I probably am overly sensitive on this topic. Truthfully, I was trying to be helpful to the OP (as well as get a load off my chest), because I didn't get the sense that she necessarily cared about the technical, legal definition of failed adoption. . . just the concept and what could lead to it. I guess we all can only answer from our own perspective. . . I didn't notice until another poster pointed it out that the OP mentioned Pride classes, so her viewpoint will likely be very different from mine. For the OP, I would recommend also taking a look at the disruption support board. Most of folks there have suffered disruptions post-finalization, which may be what you're asking about. Char

By all means I am not offended,But I never realized that if they remove my 8 yr old daughter from the only home she has ever known since birth they(the courts) would actually have a legal name for it.Trying to put a legal term on failed/disruption/ect... TO ME is like trying to give a legal term to the best interest of the child. So I guess to me if they were to remove her it would be legally a failed 8yr placement with a twist of very disruptive effects to the best interest of a child with a slap of failed adoption. I am sure they would put in in better legal terms though. All I can say to the OP is learn as much as you can.We did this truly for the best interest of the child knowing nothing and never imagined that after 8yrs this could happen.Good luck and GOD BLESS:flowergift:

I have learned a lot here on this particular thread. Char was right when she said that I was only interested in learning "what could happen". I understand that there are legal terms in all situations, but my heart goes out to every one of you who have experieanced a "Failed, Heart breaking, Overwhelming, terrible event". Whatever anyone may call it, I am sure it hurts and my heart breaks for you. I wanted to know "what could happen". Thank you so much for your post. My heart goes out to you. I also can understand the emotional part of this process. I can't beleive that after 8 years with one parent the courts would actually even consider disrupting a child like this. I am so very sorry for you and your family. This is a very emotional subject. I wasnt trying to start a dispute or bring out feelings. I look at my question now and I felt that I would have asked it differently. However, I feel that everyone has a right to vent, if you need to vent, do it, by all means. Thats what we should all be here for. To hold each other up. None the less, my questions were answered and I quess I did want everyone to tell me their own personal experienences with a Failed Adoption. Yes, I agree, no matter what you call it legally, it did fail. And Diane, you are correct. I am going through our local DHS. I found some very interesting details on DHS adoption verses Foster adoption. I have learned a great deal on this thread and with that being said, I cant take chances with my heart. I am the type of person that puts everything I have, including my heart into all situations. With that being said, I wont risk it. I spoke to my dh and he and I have decided to foster parent for a while. We found a lot of interesting objectives and alternatives. With fostering a child, I will know that I have to let go. I will know if I can handle it and If something happens in the process and the child becomes legally free, I can then go forward with adotpion. I couldnt risk a child coming into my home, knowing that the intentions were adoption and then after 4 or 6 months decide that yet another "Mom and Dad" have rejected them. I just cant do that. I understand WHY it happens and I would be the first to admit that if a child were placed in my home and disrupted my sons life or hurt him in anyway, the child would be removed. Thats just fact. My son comes first in this very important decision. We are going to flip this and foster to adoption instead. That way, I can be sure my heart will be in the right place and I wont hurt a child in my process and search. I will know where I stand with that child until the time has come. Thank you all so very much for your input. You have all helped in many ways. You may not know how, but I can assure you every poster helped me make a wise decision. THank you all and I pray that you find what your are in search of. I asked that you do the same for me. Hugs and Blessings to you all. :thanks:

While the OP has resolved these answers for herself, I know there are others who will read this with the same question and I would like to provide input for them: Why wouldn't an adoption work out? In my case the birthmother consented - then withdrew her consent several months later - then stated she would let the adoption proceed if we would sign a binding visitation "Agreement" (she had unlimited visitation which she had not utilized in over a year). Then after the adoption was "final" - with the visitation "Agreement" included - she turned around and filed fraud charges against us and requested the adoption be overturned. She has, since that time, continued to file against us with outrageous and ludicrous motions - which have kept the fraud charge pending (including the reversal of the adoption) - there have been trials, and still SHE DOES NOT VISIT. 4 1/2 years later we are still in and out of court with one motion after another. (Please note she has never even asked how he is doing.) This is my case and I hope and pray that one day it will all end with the best interest of my child finally being considered.

Why would you even think, that after 4 1/2 months that this child was yours? Just curious.