Christians involved in foster/adopt

I can understand where he's coming from as far as the govt. involvement. We homeschool,and I'm not crazy about seeing social workers coming over all the time, but I've learned to deal with it. I think it's important that you express your desire to your husband, could you not ask him to consider your request and pray about it? that's what I did, and I didn't say another thing for months. Finally my dh brought it up. I think he was so convinced (and so was I ) that our reversal was going to work. Now looking back, i feel the Lord was just wanting us to trust him, no matter what the outcome. We also just happened to have a few good friends who had adopted special needs kids,that we just fell in love with. My dh didn't understand my desire to have more children (bio or not, I didn't care), but now I think he's changed a bit. It doesn't seem like it's something men dwell on, like women do. It's the "motherly" instinct in us,I guess.

I really don't understand why he doesn't like the idea of social workers in our home, since it's not like we have any privacy to begin with, anyway! We live ten steps away from our church, and with the school going on there every day, it's like it's right on top of us. If a child has an accident at school, or one of the high school girls forgets their socks for a basketball game, they ask to borrow clothes from our closets! :) Our house is full of kids and people all the time - and it's not like they even always knock! Our washer & dryer are in the basement, and sometimes I'll come upstairs with a load full of laundry, and there are people waiting for me in my kitchen! :) Anyway, it is something we talked about a lot last February & March, and then it kind of went downhill, so I did just ask him to pray about it and have left it alone and now it has been almost a year. I keep asking God to give me an open door to talk to him about it again, but so far, it hasn't come up. However, contract signing for next year's school year will be coming up soon, and I plan to talk to him about it then. Because when he asks me if I want to teach again, I am going to tell him that it wouldn't be my first choice, and then tell him what my first choice will be! We'll see where it goes from there, but I honestly don't think his mind has changed at all. Kathy

I wanted to respond to your comments about afamily's promising the moon in their profiles. I strongly disagree with that. We are a single income military family who has adopted newborns through private agency's twice. We were 23 when we adopted our first child. We lived on base and had one car. Our daughter's birthmom was looking for a loving family for her child, not how much money they had or what type of vacations we could offer. If you and your husband come to an agreement to research adoption there are many agencies that don't charge and arm and a leg to adopt. Look at all of your options. Good luck to you!

I know what you are going through. My husband and I struggled with the same thing over a year ago. He cannot have anymore kids either and the cost to reverse it is a lot. My desire to have another child was great and I felt as though God placed adoption on my heart. I went to my husband and told him about how I felt and he was not wanting to listen to it at that time. So, I stayed silent too and let God work because when ever we would discuss the idea we would get in a fight. It wasn't till our bible study group started studying the book called The Dream Giver by Wilkerson(?). This is a great book! In it it teached how God gives everyone a dream and a passion, he will lead your path but it is up to you to take those steps in faith. It also talks about how when you take those steps you will run into bullies and those who want to tear your dream down. My husband saw himself as that bully that tore my dream and passion down. God really changed his heart. The next thing I know he came to me and started discussing the option with me and now we are almost done with our homestudy and he is excited about it! All this to tell you to let God work in his heart and if it is God's will then it will happen, but you have to be willing to release your dream and passion to God and he will give it back to you when the time is right. I will be praying for you and your husband. God bless.

Kathy, we went through an agency for the foster-adoption of our son, then a year later our daughter. With our son the agency caseworker came out to our home once a month. When she came we spent most of the time at the kitchen table just talking. She would talk to our son a bit, and usually go up to his room for a few minutes. But he loved being able to show off his room and things. With our daughter it was pretty close to the same thing. With both kids we only had the state social workers actually in our home once each, just to meet us. I really don't feel that they have been at all invasive in our lives. As for no accepting money from the state... there are a couple things that can be done with that. If you use an agency there will be fees. Set aside the monthly foster payment to cover the fees. If you get an adoption subsidy after the adoption is finalized put that in the bank for a college fund. Have you ever shown your husband the websites with the waiting children? My husband was ready to adopt all of them! Through God all things are possible. The right outcome will come about in the right way and at the right time. We waited 5years to start the process of adoption, then it took another 9 months to be matched with our son, and two years to be matched with our daughter. I see now that we could not have had anything happen any sooner because we had to wait for the children God had chosen for us.

I agree with most of the replies. I think you need to be patient and wait for God to open your husband's heart or to possibly lead you in another direction. I mostly just wanted to leave you with a verse to reflect on. Romans 8:25 But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.

I agree with most of the replies. You need to wait for God to open his heart. I just wanted to give you a verse to reflect on. Matt 8:25 But if we hope for what we do no yet have, we wait for it patiently.

your right about Gods timing .....i never want it to be mine ....patience:woohoo:.....ahhhhhhh theres that word again .....lol:pglad to see others in the same boat.....:flowergift:

kathyandmark,i am a christian waiting to adopt from the state foster care system. we have decided not to have bio kids, but to adopt instead. in response to your postings, the government being in your lives is a small price to pay to have the opportunity to impact a child's life so remarkably. one way to think about it is; if God loves all the children of the world, and a large portion are abandoned and broken, whose responsibility is it to love them when no one else does? don't you think it is ours, as christians and followers of christ? don't you think it's a way of serving God and working for his ministry? what better impact to have on a child's life than to be a parent? the way i see it is, we not only have a duty to love these kids no one else wants, but we have a remarkable opportunity to change their life and allow them to change yours. doesn't Jesus say "what you do unto the least of these, you do unto me". i am saddened that the majority of foster homes are not christian based homes. it makes me ashamed of my brothers and sisters in christ. if we are truly on earth to serve God's higher purpose, wouldn't he want us to represent the majority of loving homes for these children to enter and experience Him? not to be cliche' but honestly, what would jesus do?

I recently found this forum and was amazed to see that there were others who are or have experienced the same thing my husband and I did. Kathy I completely understand what you are going through. My husband and I have 5 bio children, our youngest are twins and are 11 years old. When they were about 6 I began having the desire to have more children but my husband was adiment that we were finished. I begged and pleaded for years until I finally was so depressed that the desire was starting to interfer with just daily living. So after praying for years for another child, I started prayed that God would take away my desire OR change my husband's heart because I couldn't live like that anymore. Well after about 2 weeks and some amazing God events my husband suggested the idea of foster parenting. We began the process and after 6 months were approved. On thursday September 21, 2006 I received our certificate in the mail, and within 2 hours we received a call asking if we'd take 5 month old twins! We are pre adoptive and have a peace that they will become our forever children. And 2 weeks from now we go and pick up their sister from the hosptial after shes born. God will change hearts, it may be yours or it may be your husbands. Either way when we do what He desires amazing things happen. His word tells us in James 1 :24 to take care of orphans and widows in their distress. I wish you the best and hope that things go well with you. Blessing Jodi mom to C 21, A 20, E 14, M & M 11 and foster babies S & S 14 months

Why don't you consider being an "ad litem" - this is a program most states have for kids in foster care. The ad litem is basically a non-bias party who is responsible for representing the rights of the children when decisions are made on placement, etc. You are matched with a child and usually expected to spend time with the child weekly or monthly. This is kind of like having a big brother/sister relationship, only you are appointed by the state and can have an impact on what happens in court. Check into it. It might be the right baby step for you to see what foster kids are all about without having to make a full commitment of having children in your home. Another idea is to hook up with a foster family and become part of their support system - babysitting, spending time with the foster kids, etc. I realize this won't cure your desire to adopt and add to your family, but it would give you an opportunity to use the gifts God has given you to help foster kids. Any believe me - the definitely need the attention. Some of the foster families can really use the help too!

I have gone through wanting childrenw when my husband didn't - twice! First when we got married I wanted kids straight away - he wanted to wait 5 yrs!! I kept on and on at him until one day we were in a prayer meeting and I prayed to God - "I can't take this anymore, I really want to have a baby but my dh is the head of the household so i pray you will show him what your will is and if it is not to have a child at this time, please take the desire away cause I can't handle it" - as I was praying this my husband was at the front being prayed for (nothing specific) and when he had finished, i went to him and asked him what God had said - he said "it's time to have a baby" - I almost fell over!! The second time was a couple of years ago. After our son was born, we have never been able to conceive, and after 8 yrs, my heart was led through volunteering I was doing and a lifetime's interest in fostering (my mum and dad were foster carers when I was a teenager) that I would like to foster children but my husband was opposed. He definitely was not interested in adoption and I amn't either and when I asked him about fostering, he wasn't interested either. We did have a detailed conversation about it - but he wasn't budging, then a few months later the subject came up again and he agreed!! He definitely doesn't like the government system and their continual failings but i tend to handle social workers, meetings, etc as he works full-time anyway, so I keep that part of it away from his as much as possible. So God can change their feelings if this is God's will - just keep praying, broach the subject again when your teaching contract comes up but let go and let God - cause he will work it out if it's his plan! PS I keep praying to God about another bio child for us but so far nothing - he did say to me very clearly 5 years ago "not yet" - so whether it is still to happen or perhaps one of the foster children that come along may capture our heart and become permanent who knows - at least whilst we wait we are helping to give love to these little ones who have been so badly hurt!

When Brett and I married 21 yrs ago we saw a tv program on Romanian orphans, and our hearts were deeply touched. However, as young newlyweds, (neither Christian at the time) we got on with the business of married life, and over the course of 10 years we had four children. The day I learned I was pregnant with our 4th child, we were offered a special needs 2 y.o. boy from the Phillipines. We declined simply because we wanted to be able to give all our energies to a needy child. Our hearts continued to lean towards neglected children. We worked as children's pastors but something in our spirits danced when streetkids would come in. We often talked of fostering but life was so busy, money so tight, and in hindsight, it wasn't the right time. However, since July we have been positioned by the Lord working in Fiji, and began helping at a local orphanage with our two children. You guessed it, we fell in love. We are currently in the process of adopting two sisters aged 10 and 11, and giving serious consideration to another set of sisters aged 8 and 13. There are young ones here but our hearts ache for the older ones, particularly siblings. The urge to adopt, the heart to adopt, was always there. The ability was not always there. God had to grow us on the inside. It is vital you don't step into this without being in unison. The times Brett and I have taken major skin off our noses has been when we've been out of synch in a decision...we've learned, if one doesn't agree, then do nothing and keep praying.

Yes, it can work - there's no reason why as Christians you can't foster/adopt through the system - in fact I think it's a great thing for Christians to do - but how to convince your husband - YOU can't - if it is the right thing for you as a family and part of God's will - only God can convince your husband. You just need to pray and wait and see! I wanted to foster and brought it up with husband and he was NOT interested, I prayed about it for a few months and just prayed that GOD'S will be done and a few months later my husband discussed it with me and we have now been foster parents for 2 yrs. But again I said it will only happen if it's GOD'S will, pray about it and either he will change your husband's mind, or he will change yours.

We are Pilgrim Holiness, and we have done kinship care on and off for the last Nine years, some thing was still missing we felt a calling to do this and despite the fear of having social workers trample in and out of our house,(they have that reputation of not being trusted in our community) it is not as bad as we thought it would be. The woman who did our home study was so nice, it was not any diffrent than sitting in the living room with any of the other women from church. I think for me it was a natural calling because I was a foster child who was blessed to be raised in a good christian home. For my husband it was some thing he had to learn about first and after turning it over to God 100% and saying okay God it's all in your hands things started to pan out just a little....... but working with the state nothing ever goes as planed, we have learned that making plans is pointless, and any thing that can change will, daily some times!