Coping

The only advice that I can offer (other than the topics that have already been addressed), I prayed. But, after awhile, I changed what I was praying for. I knew that God knew I wanted more than anything for this whole ordeal to be behind us and that our baby would FINALLY be COMPLETELY ours. Instead, I started praying for peace. I would ask Him to give me peace with the situation and strength to carry on until this is all over. It seemed to help me. I am not sure if this will help but I thought I would give you that suggestion. I really think that after the amount of time that has passed in your situation, that a judge would be out of his/her mind to take your precious one away from you. But, I am not a judge. I will pray for you and your family. Jennifer

Coping for me is an every day tradition.My early morning ritual has not changed now for around a year.I get up when everyone else is asleep,sit in a quite dining room and have a cup of coffee with only the night lights on and let GOD take over my brain and let only HIM put thoughts into my head.I also listen to a song ( not sure of title maybe The Air I breathe) and it releases alot of my anger and reminds me that HE is in charge.I cannot control the stupidity in the court system,but with HIS help I control how it effects me.As you know we have raised our angel for 8 yrs now and been in and out of court for going on 4 yrs.When we first heard that the BF was going to fight this we laughed and said good luck with that never imagining that the courts operated in this manner.Well in 06 there was not alot of laughing.I also cope with it by viewing it through the eyes of a child.She has no intention of going anywhere and it never even enters her mind that she would have to.She will ask questions only if we bring it up and her only response has been "I will talk to the judge and tell him I want to stay with my mom and dad".Then as far as she is concerned it is done and no more thought is needed on the subject. I do believe it should be that simple and that is where the anger comes in.All the money spent could be spent on my children and instead I have to pay it to a court system and attorneys that should make it that simple.All the time wasted on this when in the end she will stay where she is at and she will continue to see us as she should-mom&dad.I also feel alone at times and feel that I am the only one that cares about her.When I was sending e-mails to all the people that I thought would help and never got a response I realized that this is a big country and there are alot of people in it.Who is my daughter to them? She is no one.To the world there are many more things more important then my daughter,but to me she is the most important thing in the world.The court system and the BF have proven that they are part of the world and that is why we can not give up the fight and turn her over to the world.She needs us just as much as we need her and most importantly she wants us just as much as we want her.Christie keep up the fight and find ways to release the anger and like you said take it one day at a time.We pray for you and may GOD bless you.

It is truly hard to cope sometimes, but I find when I am in doubt or fearful I turn to prayer. God will provide the strength and be by our sides. Our little angel just keeps us so busy which is great because that takes us away from some of the worry. Getting angry is perfectly fine...you have every right to be angry. The anger comes from only protecting and loving your little angel. We can see what this would do to our little angels...Why can't they? Always know and remember you are doing all you can to do the best for your angel, and that is all you can do. Just know God placed these angels with us for a reason and these angels were brought into our lives to share the laughter and the love of a family.....It is just so clear from reading these post - how much these angels are loved. We would not be normal if we did not worry or if we were not angry....All we can keep doing is showing them the abundance of love and giving them so many hugs, and kisses and just keep praying to God this was so meant to be. Hang in there....we are all here with you. We all need one another, and we will make it. :flowergift:

Christie, for some reason, I thought you had finalized and were still having problems. Do I have you mixed up with someone?The person I am thinking of has finalized but her child's Birthmom keeps suing saying she didn't get her visit, when she is the one that didn't show up, etc. Is that you or someone else? I imagine I just messed your story up in my head!Huge hugs and hang in. There IS a light at the end of the tunnel.

Try and live in the present. When thinking of the future it's easy to become depressed or overwelmed. But your son is with you now. The memories your making with him are so special. Allow yourself to trust in God and his plan for your son and be greatful for every minute you get to be a part of his life. Your son knows you are his mother. He knows the love you have for him. He won't care if his adoption never gets finalized. He doesn't need a piece of paper to say that he is your son and neither do you. Yes...of course it would be nice....but...YOU know deep in your heart that he is your boy. So pray for patience and the courage and strength to endure and try to forgive his birthmom for all the pain she is causing. Try and understand that what she is doing(although very selfish...I believe) just shows how much the loss of her child/your child has really affected her. What she does in anger or sadness or love is really just her way of dealing with this great loss she has experienced and her crazy way of staying connected to him in whatever way she can. The pain she is causing you is really a reflection of the pain she feels inside. Someday this will all get resolved. Until then just keep your chin up. Focus on what you have rather than what you don't have. You have a beautiful son (RIGHT NOW) that loves you with all his heart. You are his mother and that's what you will always be to him. Find comfort in knowing that someday your son will know how hard this battle was for you and he will have a deeper sense of love and gratitude for you and all you did for him.

Yes, I do have a "final" adoption - but I also have several outstanding motions against it, including one for "fraud" (what a *ing joke) and to have the adoption reversed. I also have what the judge has called a "collateral" adoption. The supreme court has ruled that a contigent adoption is not a legal adoption - but they have not ruled on whether or not a collateral adoption is legal. So in two areas the adoption is not final: 1) We are not sure if it is legal. and 2) There remains an outstanding motion to reverse it. There are also continuing motions going on right now. As you know the birthmom has filed against us several times - including a dependency petition (while she was in jail) to have our child removed from us and placed in foster care. INSANE!!! Even DHR (whom I had to go to) filed in writing and in person, on the stand, on OUR behalf. The birth mother is not visiting - and has not visited - but has filed against US for the visitation not being upheld - even though WE go and SHE does not. Remember though that she gets free legal services courtesy of the State of Alabama - who is paying FIVE lawyers for her. So she - and they - have nothing to lose by just keeping this going year after year. In the meantime - well, I am going to respond to that in my post to daddysangel. Thank you all so very much for listening and for being here for me. One thing that helps is to be able to come here and know that it is normal to feel this anger, and that here is a safe place I can vent it. THANK YOU!!

Oh I pray this nightmare is over for you soon! I knew I had read your story before, but was afraid I was mixing you up with someone else.

And for me, and all of us. How sad. Even OUR lawyer was laughing at the beginning. No, we never imagined this could happen either. And my EX-lawyer was not laughing at the end of that first "trial" (NOT a real trial). Yes, for me as well. How, as a society, did we move so far away from best interest of the child? This is so obviously AGAINST the best interest of the child. We have also wasted huge amounts of money which have caused drastic changes in our lives. My husband had to retire and pull out his retirement income for lawyer fees. I don't know what we will do in the future. Yes - the TIME. Time with lawyers, in court, and the time spent in worry and angst. Again against the best interest of the child. Thank you, daddysangel, for finding the words to so eloquently reflect how I feel as well. My son is simply a way for the lawyers to make money and the birthmom to keep things in an uproar. Of course now that she is out of juvy it appears she can not be found. So it was some funny game to her I guess? You have been a blessing for me daddysangel, as have all of you here. Stacy - I don't even know what to say. You understand - and feel, and suffer, so much. I think of you, and the others here, often. You have been here for me and helped me more than you can know. My deep appreciation to each of you for your support and friendship. Christie

Chrisite,We will continue to be one anothers support. We know how this feels...emotionally and financially. Pulling away any child from the only family he/she knows for over this amount of time is just traumatic. Our angel will be 21 months old and sometimes just one of us rather it be mommy or daddy leaving a room he will cry.....He is extremely bonded to us, as he should be since we are all he has ever known. It terrifies me to not know how this will end. All we can continue to do is pray and be the best mommy and daddy to our little angel!!! Its just ashame that the birth father cannot see that pro-longing this, and in your case the birth mother keeping this on-going is just hurting the innocent child. Keep strong, and I know that is hard, but God will continue to provide us with the strength that we so very much need...Hopefully this will all be over and we can finally have peace....Keep us posted!!:flowergift:

Kids belong with the birth parents if they are fighting that hard. Think about it. Blood has more rights to a child than you. Sad but true. You should be preparing her for the enevitable. You have no biological rights to this child. How would you feel, if someone took you from your family? Saddened I am sure.

On what grounds are you basing in all cases kids belong with their Birthparents if they are fighting that hard. And then you say how would you feel if someone took you from your family. Lets think about it for a second, we all volunteered to welcome these Angels in our lives. We didn't walk up to someone, take their baby, and run. If you are in a situation where the birthparents are fighting to take the child back, because they figure they can get welfare money by claiming that child, would that be right??? I think it has to be a case by case situation. In my case when the birthmother said in front of agency social workers she couldn't take her baby to the hospital or doctor, didn't have a car, didn't have insurance, didn't have a diaper bag, clothes, nor could make ends meet..they should have stepped in and said this is not what is best for the baby. No one can tell me, just because her blood ran through his vains, that he should have gone into that situation.

Hi! I've been lurking the forums for over 2 years now, and I really don't know why I haven't posted before now and feel the need to do so now. Except maybe that I want to offer you my sympathy and empathy - I've lived through a contested adoption, I still clearly remember how all of you still walking that awful path are feeling. As far as coping, I also spent a lot of time in prayer and talking to our pastor, I became much closer to my parents because for the first time since being a kid I really needed them, and I had the good fortune of having some very good friends who would let me just rant and rave and cry and then piece me back together again so I could sanely make it through yet another court hearing or visitation. You and your children are all in my prayers. Our case has only been officially "over" since June 2006. I remember the moments when I thought there was no way I could stand the insanity for not even another second, much less months and years. Reading stories here helped me understand our situation could have been worse (many of you have lived through far worse than we had to) and that others understood. So although I never got up the nerve to post or interact with anyone during that time, it was strangely therapeutic just to read. I know that you're all doing the best you can however you can because nothing is more important than your children. I guess I just wanted to say you should know that you are all strong and inspiring and I hope and pray for the best outcomes (QUICKLY!) for you all. :love:

HadFaith, although our contested adoption was recently finalized, I still linger on the site, hoping that my friends here find some closure and peace with their children. THANK YOU for your message. I'm so glad you took the time to offer your prayers and sympathy for those still waiting and struggling. After all, only those of us who have been through it truly know the incredible pain and uncertaintly. Thanks, from the bottom of my heart for finally posting. You are an inspiration. Josie

Thank you, HadFaith, for telling us this and posting. Yes - you have obviously been through this and do understand. And I come back often just to read and remind myself, and to gain strength. Again, thank you. I am glad for you that your case resolved. I also appreciate knowing that there are others out there who we are helping that we may not know about. Blessings for you and your child...

Josie, I don't know why, but I guess I need to hear this (read this) over and over. It reassures me and helps me get through. Every time I log in I go here and read your words. There are others as well that I re-read over and over. I just want to say thank you so very much - because when I feel completely overwhelmed this is where I come. "Love your baby with all your heart. It's the only way to do it." This has become a mantra of mine. Another one which I repeat to myself is that my child does not need a piece of paper to know we are his parents. He does not even know about all of this - and he is a happy, secure little boy. Thank you dear friends. Christie