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We are starting our process of adoption, of school age child, but now I hesitate, before making that call to schedule things.
We lived in NY for 3 years and had started the process there. Home study and everything was completed. We were scheduled to start the next process when I got injured and ended up in the hosptial, then bed rest with assisted care. The adoption process stopped dead and we were told we would have to start all over again, till we were able to go back to it.
We are back in PA, and over 5 years later, we decided to start over. Here, the one organization we spoke with, we need to have a visit and orientation, then take classes, then a 3-4 month long homestudy begins.
I am so set back and concerned this keeps me from making the call to go further.
We have 4 children, ages 15-12-10 daughters, 7 son. I do not go a day with out a sibling battle, fit over chores, or someone uses their finger nails on someone else. There is all ways something going on or not going on that should be.
Our house is never perfect, I try to keep the main floor socially acceptable for guests, It's far from perfection most of the time. Granted it's nothing that wouldn't take 20 minutes to make right. But there is all ways shoes left here, clothes left in the bathroom, and so forth. My mother thinks I should just trot around and clean up after them after they leave for school or go to bed, but what kind of responsibility does that teach them?
We are not real sociable folks, we live for our kids and pretty much only socalize with their friends that come by. We were both raised with VERY large family's. It is more normal to us to socialize with family and not a lot of folks aside from that. We know our neighbors to say hello, but couldn't tell you their names. We do have friends but not folks we hang around with or talk to on a regular bases. We do get out and go to functions and school things, so we are not recluses.
Each persons look at this is going to be different. Because my idea of what unrealistic exspectations are could be very normal way of life to another person. So I understand that.
But I am afraid they are going to have unrealistic exspectations from us.
My house is lived in and has kids, today you can't even see the table, there is play doh in the rug, but my home is not dirty. Homework, dishes, feeding their pet, cleaning up their own messes, shower/bath or wash up everyday and keeping their rooms straight. Is every parents battle of wits. I have never met a family with more then one child that doesn't have the same Battles of wits, I believe it's all normal and part of parenting, with multiple kids. Also, PMS in this house, no joke.. is a nightmare. Anyone that grew up in a house with multiple sisters can SERIOUSLY sympathize.
My kids are clean, well fed, and happy. They all made the honor roll except 1 by 1 subject. Which is pretty darn good, they are not out of control, or bad. I get nothing but great feed back from their teachers. Only homework issues so far. So I count my blessings. They are great kids, it is stressful at times, but we are real, we are good people too.
The only real stressful situation we deal with is my 12 yo being so dramatically 12, we went threw it with the oldest one, and will go threw it with the younger two I am sure. Never happy, nothing is ever right when your 12. I know I remember it well, 12 is so dramatic to be. We will make it, my hair should be all white by the time we get all the kids through it.
So are these folks that come out to do this? Are they realistic? Should I be careful who we pick to do the process with? I know there is a group here in the area that do it, and near impossible to be approved at all, for anyone.
How do you know? I don't want to go threw the process to find out that the folks we used are unrealistic in their home studies, and not only find us unfit to adopt but unfit period. Maybe I sound like I spend to much time around my 12 yo, and sound like I am being dramatic, but if they find us unfit, that would be unfit for our own children as well.
My concerns and fears, is this typical? My concerns? If so, How do I make sure we use the right people to do the process with? Is there "wrong" people?
Then the right folks, do they have unrealistic exspectations? Perfect kids, perfect house and so forth? A story book family you see on tv or movies?
There is 6 of us going into doing this with all of our heart and soul, I just don't think any of us could stand to be broken hearted and end up being told, your not fit enough to have another family member. If that makes sense at all.
We don't all always agree, or get a long, but at the end of the day, we have each other and we know it. We can depend on each other, no questions asked.
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Well from spending time in the chat room with folks, I am a very forward person. Usually it's a great trate for people, but I realize this is one situation it will be very useful.
So I picked up the phone and made a few calls, and I spoke to the woman I had last week, and gave her my concerns and fears, and she giggled and said your normal and relax. Oddly she was searching for my number to give me a call when I called her.
Anyway the point is, Don't be afraid to ask questions of the folks your talking to, I was, now I am not and did.
I am at ease and very excited again about this. My husband who is rather passive is suddenly excited when I called him with news today about the entire situation.
They don't spend endless days with a white glove and so forth in your house, She said you have children, I exspect your hosue to be lived in by 4 children. I am looking for reality and a warm home that has room mentally, emotionally, and physically to take in another child or children.
You don't have to be any quote unquote anything, have a social ring of 100 people or anything, relax you will be fine.
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We had homestudies done both by a private agency and by the state agency. I was really nervous with the first one, the state agency. We'd heard that the caseworker might even want to go through our closets, to look for firearms or whatnot, would look in our fridge and cabinets to be sure we ate healthy and check the date on the milk, etc. By the time our first visit was over, I was BEGGING our caseworker to please come look at all our fire extinguishers and smoke detectors..... Basically, they're checking to be sure the new child will have a room and space for his belongings, and that there is a bathroom in the house, and it's safe. By the way, I'd forgotten to warn each caseworker not to wear black, and our overly friendly, white fluffy dog shed all over them - and they still didn't mind! Try to relax about it. It's not nearly as painful as you're imagining!