Foster Adoptive mom would love to be a friend and a mentor

We have recently lost our foster to adopt baby girl. Our little Alycat was placed with us at birth at which time we spent every day for almost 2 weeks in hospital while she was in NICU. We have previously adopted twin boys, 4 years old then, and it was a little hard on them that they could not go and meet her. When we brought her home, Wow! Instant love by the boys! That was in July. Her Baunt was DETERMINED to find SOMEONE in the family to adopt her...and sadly, 5 1/2 months later, she did. A very distant cousin with whom has had NO contact with the family for YEARS has taken her away from us under Kinship Care. Never mind that they are not yet approved, never mind that due to recent discovery of infertlity issues they would likely not have been apporved quite so soon if this wasn't a BLOOD relative. Never mind the fact they are soon to be married, another life changing event, and never mind the fact that baby hadn't bonded with them. How the hell can they justify this move? How can they take her from her security and love for her to start all over again? Just because they are BLOOD relatives!! We are the ones that saw her thru her drug withdrawals, and her HIV triple cocktails, and accepted her Hep C status! Here, Kinship Care is defined as a CLOSE relative...HARDLY the case here! My whole family loves her! We miss her so much! She has only been gone since Jan 7 2007, but each day feels so long! She was such a happy baby, very secure, hardly ever cried, woke up babbling and cooing in the mornings, she LOVED watching the boys play and the doggy kisses on her hand or toes! We danced everyday and I sang songs to her! The boys would 'read' stories to her. It's not fair! I know she is young and will not remember, but that hardly the point..she was confused on the day she left! Don't tell me it will take her time to adjust to a new home, new people, cats instead of a dog, and no siblings! The aunt even tried to report us for wrongdoings on Alycat to SW to get her out of our care, because you see, she has her sisters OTHER children! The SW saw the allegations for what they were, malicous intent. How do we acheive closure on this when we are so angry at system? We still hear her in our hearts and I feel an incredible aching loss in my arms. The SW said she would give us time and would wait a while before placing another child with us, so we dont try to 'replace her'. Anyone who thinks that a parent is trying to 'replace' a child has clearly never lost a child in any way. We don't want to replace her...we want HER back! Of course we are not ready for another placement..we are bitter, have lost faith and are nervous as hell that we would have to go thru this again. This morning I heard a song while driving that I used to sing to her, and she would always smile and sometimes coo along. I broke down crying and I havent been able to stop yet...it's been an hour now. Help me. I don't what to do. I don't know how we get thru not seeing her everyday! I am trying to keep my faith in God. He says trust in him, close your eyes and give it to faith. We are TRYING! We just cant seem to get past wanting to justify the loss of our Alycat.

Hey you.... I have an Email Address.. If you would like to email me I would be more than happy to privatley email you back... Just think it would be a lot nicer that way.. I don't have the answers you are looking for but sometimes it is just nice to talk to someone and blow off some steam...I am here for you...Hope to hear from you soon...If you could email me your email address I could write you back.. Jen

Wow my heart really goes out to you. I don't have any advice, as I'm just beginning the journey into foster to adopt. I do want to say though that the whole thing seems very unfair. Maybe you should consider an international or domestic adoption? When you and your family feel ready for another child that is. I think our foster care system is an extremely flawed one.:(

Hi my name is Linda, I'm just starting the sit back and wait game that the CW puts you through. I completed my homestudy 5 months ago and I have called my CW weekly to keep in touch. I try to volunteer for anything she will let attend or do. I called all the surounding DSS agencies with the CW permission of course to request my name be added to their list. I constantly search the state web site to look at the available children. I send the info to my case worker for the children I'm interested in. But I never get a reply. All she keeps saying is be paitent, and if I dont stop acting so anciouse I will appear suspeciouse. All I really want to do is find a child, but it seems these CW like keeping children in FC or they do not really want to find homes for these children. You would think it would not be to hard to find a cacausion male child between the ages of 4-12. I have completed all the classes and still continue to take classes just to be seen and to talk to the CW as much as possible. I hate this waiting game. I have found several children on the web site that say legally free for adoption and I send the case worker all the info but she does nothing. I'm not allowed to have a copy of the home study so If I choose to look at another state agency I have to go through a privat agency and I can not afford that. Please anoyone if you have advice, please pass it on ..... I need answeres. Why cant they find a match for me?

That all sounds very strange. I really don't know what to tell you except maybe call a supervisor? I know the sw I talked to told us that our homestudy was ours to keep and do with as we pleased. That just sounds odd to me. Keep the faith and keep your chin up. It will happen!

Hello updated information. My email address has changed it is loomistunes14@gmail.com. Please feel free to email me I am proud to say I am doing fostercare again and loving it :)

Emailed you :)

Loomis, what state are you in?

Sounds like DHR to me! I know they preach reunification, but what do they expect those of us out there waiting, longing, etc. to do? I would ask about talking with a supervisor. The state is supposed to have a copy of your home study, as well.

We are just past you in our adoption journey. GPS classes- Sept-Nov 2011 Homestudy complete- May 2012 State approved- July 2012