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My wife and I recently went through a long(8mos.)and expensive private adoption.We spent nearly $30,000.00 and when the birth date(Dec.20th,2006) arrived,we expected the hospital to assist us in achieving a successful adoption.There was no social case worker,they disregarded the letter of instruction from our lawyer,and the birth mothers wishes NOT to see the baby,and there was no room for us to bond with our baby.We feel the hospital and L&D staff neglected their duties and responsibilities to the birth mother and us,the adoptive parents.We have no more resources to try this again.We are emotionally,physically and monetarily SPENT!!!
We want to know if anyone has ever sued a hospital after something of this nature has occurred.If we can get a settlement,there is a possibility that we would try again.
Our main goal was to give our beautiful daughter a sibling,and since we are both from big families,this too was one of our many reasons for adopting.
Hurting in SoCal
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My first reaction is what the heck was the 30,000 for if it was a private adoption!?! Second reaction is I'm not sure if a hospital is to blame for the adoption not happening, and think it might be a little far-fetched to go after them (but I don't know the whole story either). I know you are hurting right now but I'm not sure blaming a hospital in order to help you pay for your next adoption is the way to go (again don't know the whole story though...).
I wonder where the lawyers were in all of this. At a minimum, her lawyer should have arranged with the hospital in advance to make certain that everything went as smoothly as possible. At $30K, you and the pregnant mom deserve at least that! Hospitals can be fabulous or horrible, depending on their policies and staff, but the folks you're paying to handle the adoption should have HANDLED the adoption. Did the mom have a counselor/social worker? That person could also have made the arrangements with the hospital. . . but again, it woul likely be per the lawyer's instructions. It sounds to me like the lawyers let you down miserably. I'm very sorry for your situation. Char
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Despite multiple calls from us,our case worker,our lawyer,and the birth mother along with her mother,there was no social worker available,no room available and we were told the hospital social worker didn't do adoptions.We had no guidance whatsoever and the frustration and anger boil up whenever I think about it.We paid for this birth mothers life for 8+ months,from rent,to food,clothing,gas,etc;we even paid an extra $1,500.00 to get her car fixed.We also paid to fly up and meet with her mother,father and her;had a great meeting and despite the lack of communication on her part,we felt very confident going into the adoption.She called us the day we were diving up to wait for the birth(to make sure we were coming to take this child)a 7hr.+ trek,and all seemed fine.Only after the birth and when her siblings would not leave before we did,was there even a hint of what was to come.Talk about getting hit by a Mack truck.We had no chance when the head nurse decided to let the baby sit on the birth mothers belly the next morning.We basically went through almost 9 months of hell for nothing...absolutely nothing.
I am sorry for you that you did not have a expectant mom who allowed you to adopt her child. I actually thought hospitals required a placing mother to atleast hold her baby once so the grieving can begin. So this young ladie's siblings must have offered to help her out or something and she decided against adoption.I don't think you can force a hospital to do much. I hope you find your child soon.I am sorry you suffered so.
Oh my this is hard, and I can understand you're reeling.From a legal perspective, nothing can be done. I'm sorry. Hospitals have no responsibility to accomidate hopeful adoptive parents, regardless of attorney/SW/other intervention. Their obligation is to their patient, and only their patient. If the mother requests to see her child, barring a court order preventing her to do so, and as long as her rights are intact, she may do so.Even if she did not request, but they just brought the child, nothing illegal was done. They may seem to have 'meddled' but it was not illegal meddling.Not all hospitals or hospital staff are 'pro' adoption. We called the hospital where our son was born before her due date to find out the policy. They made it 100% clear that she was their patient and that if she decided not to place, they would not interfere. We could have one bracelet only if she agreed, and if she changed her mind we were to return it immediately. They gave us no separate room or anything but the staff was marvelously supportive while we were there.What is hardest is that we equate spending $ to success. I spent X dollars therefore I should get Y. That's logical and in other realms quite true - spend more money, get a better car, house, clothes, etc. Unfortunately, in adoption things don't work that way. Higher fees and expenses don't guarantee any higher rate of success than lower ones. Every state that allows payment of living and medical expenses strictly states that this is to be considered an 'act of charity', not recoverable should the child not be placed. That's hard, because you probably wouldn't have spent all this money helping this woman if she never intended to place or make a plan with you. I can understand your anger, you've suffered a tremendous emotional loss. If it were me, I would not throw good money after bad attempting to recover anything through legal means.I will say this: What we think is not survivable, is. Right now you're reeling and that's undersatandable. It won't always be this way. Whether you make another attempt or not will come to you in time.Best,Regina
taskerdu
Despite multiple calls from us,our case worker,our lawyer,and the birth mother along with her mother,there was no social worker available,no room available and we were told the hospital social worker didn't do adoptions.We had no guidance whatsoever and the frustration and anger boil up whenever I think about it.We paid for this birth mothers life for 8+ months,from rent,to food,clothing,gas,etc;we even paid an extra $1,500.00 to get her car fixed.
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We agree that the money issue is 2nd in nature to the emotional roller coaster that adoption can be.Thanks for all of your input and support.This is a great website and we know many people have had much worse "horror stories" than ours.We have a beautiful 7 year old daughter and a huge family for support,and we know that money is merely a means to an end.Thanks again for the replies and input.
Sincerely,Kevin&Kathleen