birth mom and alledged dad contested

I don't have any experience with this but just wanted you to know that your family is in my prayers. Was TPR signed by both people? I would think she would have to go to court and prove it?! Was she given or at least offered counseling? Good luck and keep us posted.

Oh geez.....sometimes I read the stuff on these boards and I feel like throwing up. How can any of that nonsense be good for the baby? What the heck are those people thinking and who are they thinking about? Sorry for what you're going through.

bmom has couseling. this is not her first adpotion. we adopted her son in 2002. alledged father has not signed consent. she did not name him. but went to get him after she signed the adption papers. wearegoing to go to courtnext month to see what happens.thank you for he prayers

Did the alleged father know about the pregnancy? Did he support her throughout? Money or any other form of support? If he did know about the pregnancy but neglected the pregnancy he might not have any rights. Unless she avoided him and wouldn't let him find her. What is he in jail for? Unless it's child abuse or neglect, his rights remain intact. It si SICK that he could be in jail for murder....and still his rights are intact in many or most states. Are they planning on fighting eachother? Or are they together now? What a mess. Let us know what happens and again, I have had mostly bad experiences with fathers not mothers. I can't answer the PPD thing at all and even my other knowledge is only based on my experiences. Sending love and prayers your way. HUGS Gwenn

adoptmom_02, The laws vary state to state, so I'm not sure. Hugs to you. Please keep us posted.

We just had that experience with terminating the father's rights in Texas, NY and NJ but for instance our attorney said that NY is easier than Texas...so some must be easier than others. I'm just wondering re: the PPD, does she have any records of being treated for it? Have you looked to see if there is any precedent for reversing an adoption because of PPD? I'm so sorry you are going through this. It personally feels like a really messy situation that might just be so messy it doesn't make any sense! Plus our attorney told us that sometimes when the Father realizes he needs to take paternity tests and that HE has to pay for it he backs off or backs off at other times when he actually has to do something. I wouldn't count on it but it's def. a common thing. If PPD was a defense then every woman who changed her mind after the finalization period would say that no? But if she really had bad PPD I feel badly for her. There should still be medical records though at least for meds or something. Just my two cents but I'm sending you a million hugs and lots of prayers this morning. Love, Gwenn :flowergift:

Did you use an agency? When she signed the permanent surrender, did she answer questions about "being of sound mind" and "knowing what she was doing at the time and how PERMANENT it is?" If PPD was a reason for adoptive parents to lose a child, I'd guess lots more of us would have lost. She had 9 months to decide to parent without PPD, didn't she? I'm guessing she's less of a problem than he is but we went through a contested adoption recently with birthfather and it was horrendous. We won, but it took so much out of us. Josie

I know that I am going to be in the minority here, but, have you thought at all about not trying to fight them? And right off the bat, let me say that I am an adoptive parent who fought an adoption contested by the birthfather - and won. It was the most difficult time of my life - emotionally, physically and financially - but worth it, of course. We chose to fight because the situation that our daughter would have been in was not only unhealthy, but dangerous. Is this the case in your situation? Is it possible that this mother could parent safely? Our situation was also much like yours in that we had also adopted another child from the same birthmother. If your current adoption is open, have you considered the repercussions of fighting? It could very possibly permanently damage the relationship you have now with your older child's birthmother. I am so sorry that you are going through this, I know how tough it is. But if the law appears to favor the birthparents (and I don't know what state you are in), it may be best for everyone involved to resolve it now.

OK, this is just my gut talking here, so take that with a grain of salt. But I would have to imagine that PPD would NOT be a defense to overturn an adoption. I would think that *some* women would use it as an excuse if they cahnged their mind and how would it be proven? I'm assuming you'd have to have treatment, etc. I believe but don't know for sure that most states only let you overturn an adoption for fraud or duress. I would certainly be asking my atty or agy ASAP about this.

thank you all for your advice. The alledged fatherdid know about baby according to the bmom bmom had the baby took the baby home for 2 weeks. called the attorney out of the blue she was coming in to sign the consent papers and to call us to come get the baby. we went the next day to pick up the baby so she had 24 mores hour to think about what she was doing. i am sure he didnt support her at all.she kep moving so he could not find her. at least that is what b said. we had a great open adoption she is the one who messed it up.i really am sorry for our son. he really will miss her. Our son will be curshed if we lose the baby.

are you ending the open adoption?

What is your atty/agy saying about all of this?

If he knew about the pregnancy but she kept moving around and he made attempts to find her but couldn't that's not grounds for terminating his rights. But I still wonder if they are contesting as a couple or individually? I hope everything works out for you and your family. Just sit tight. She's going to have to prove a lot more than just saying she had PPD.