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This is my first post, so forgive me if its long, choppy, unclear, or whatever!
A little over a year ago, January 27, 2006 to be exact, I gave birth to the most beautiful baby girl. When I looked at her for the first time my heart melted. In my mind for those few seconds I wished time would stop, that I could sit there forever with my daughter and not care about anything else around. Sadly this is reality and as i snapped back to the real world I remembered her adoptive parents were anxiously waiting to see their newest addition to there family.
Now let me back track to three months prior to this date. October 2006, I was barely 17 years old (turned 17 in August), had the BEST job in town, it was my senior year and I was FINALLY getting good grades. Adults loved me, said I had my life headed the right way, that I was going places. I believed it too. Life seemed to be going my way! On October 15th my life started to turn upside down.My best friend since 4th grade called me crying, she said she had gotten into a car accident. As the conversation continued the only words I made out were, "shes going to die". "WHO?!", I said. My friend had hit a woman in a cross walk, she died the next day. Things were hecktic and the last thing I wanted to think about was the fact that what I had for so long thought was fat, was turning into a hard baby belly. Just 2 days before the accident I had felt the flutters that confermed the question i had had for months, I was pregnant.
*Side bar* Now, I'm sure you think, "why didn't you just take a test?". The answer is, I don't know. It could have beencause i was in denial, scared, maybe its cause i knew the whole time, either way, I didn't take the test leaving me with little options when I "found out" at 6 months pregnant. Now lets get back to the story.
So as any good friend would do, I got up the next day and started to quickly get ready to go to my friends house to be a support. As I was getting ready in my tight tank top which for some reason I thought looked ok and didnt make me look prego (okay so I was distraught and didn't realize how big I was! and plus I was gonna put on a sweatshirt anyways!) my mom comes in to talk to me about the accident. As we both stand there crying my mom stares at me then down to my stomach and back at my face and crys, "I know this is a bad time, but is there a chance your pregnant?". I looked at her and couldn't believe what she had said. I had been spending countless nights thinking of how I could tell my mom I was going to have a baby, and she did it all for me. "yes, I know I am.", I said.
My family and I sat and cried for hours. I'll never forget my dads reaction, "Is she pregnant, or is she having a baby?". His statement made the whole situation feel that more real, I was going to have a baby. After the initial shock of the situation, it was time to sit down and figure out my options. Seeing as I was 6 months pregnant, abortion was way out of the picture, leaving being a mommy and adoption the only options. From the time I first had the suspision that I may be pregnant, I knew that there was no way I could be a mom. I was 17 and I couldn't even care for myself completely! How could I EVER care for a child as well.
For the next month I spent evey day looking through applications of couples wanting to be the parents for my unborn child. Finally I stumbled upon the family I would choose to adopt my baby. In the final months I met, and grew to love the family that would soon be my childs family. On the day of my daughters birth, the family flew all the way to California from North Carolina to see hold, and love the final addition to their family, a baby girl (they had 2 boys who were both also adopted).
I still have contact with my childs family, and could never have thought of a better desition for my daughter. I have my days where I cry and cry and dream about how it would be if I had kept her. I have my nights where I regret my choice, but it all comes back to her. I wasn't ready to be a mom. As selfish as it may sound, I wasn't ready to give up being 17, a child. I'm still a child. I knew in my heart that this was the best and only choice that would work for me. I saw it like this, when your a mom, its not about you anymore, its about your child. I never wanted to regret keeping my baby. I would rather every day regret giving her away and dreaming of having her with me then to have kept her and ever wish for a second that I had just given her up. I gave her a life. I gave her a mom AND a dad. I gave her 2 older brothers who begged and prayed for a baby sister or brother. I gave her a stable home, and the oportunity to be great! I'm not saying I couldn't or wouldn't have given her the world, cause I dont know that, just that now I KNOW shes going to have the life she deserves! I love my daughter more than words can even describe, that is why I chose adoption.
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