my open adoption story, in case it helps someone :)

Hello all. I am not really here to adopt - we have 2 daughters (both under 2!) through adoption, and are not *quite* ready for another .... yet! But I wanted to share a quick summary of our adoptions with you all, because they are both OPEN adoptions (waaaay open) and because I know how scared I was of open adoptions, before I had them! Just a quick note - when my hubby and started our adoption journey 4-5 years ago, we were completely *against* open adoption. There were many reasons, but foremost amongst them was that we did not want to confuse our children (by keeping birth parents in the picture) and because we wanted it to be clear that *we* were the parents, and no one else. We were very certain about this. But then circumstances intervened (too many to mention here, but there were many and they were all very small) and I (against my will!) read 3 books on open adoption. I was not convinced after reading these books, but I learned 3 things from them (that have proven true, so far): 1- in the adoption triad, *everyone* WINS with open adoption - especially the child! The child will have 2 major problems greatly lessened (problems that every adoptive child has): 1) they will not "fantasize" as much about how their life would have been had they not been placed for adoption, and 2) they will wonder less as to *why* they were placed for adoption (most importantly, they will better understand that it was NOT *their* "fault" and that it was not that they were "unloveable" - because they will see that both the parents and the birth parents love them!) 2- the birth mom (or birth parents) will never wonder what became of their child, and will never wander through grocery stores imagining that their child would look like others they come across. The birth mom will also always have the opportunity to let their child know that they made their decision out of the utmost love for them - that they wanted their child to have the absolute BEST life that they could possibly have! They will always be able to say "I love you"! 3- it is NOT hard on the parents (the adoptive parents) to be a part of open adoption - in fact, it is a huge blessing. The adoptive parents *gain* a whole NEW family! Who wouldn't want that? More love to go around, especially for their child. But also new relationships, especially the "sisterly" bond that happens between adoptive mom and birth mom. It is such a gift that our daughters can get hugs and kisses from their birth mommies - it does not take away *anything* from me at all (as I feared it would) - it actually makes my heart swell to see my daughters being loved by others - especially someone as treasured (to us) as our birth mommies. My daughters do not doubt who their parents are, and they never will. But they will also recognize the HUGE gift that their birth mommies gave them... in fact, this gift is bigger than any gift my husband or I could ever give to our children. We do not feel threatened by this (as I always feared I would), but rather somehow it makes me so darned HAPPY that my daughters are *this* blessed! I love my girls, and I want the absolute BEST for them, and best for them means that their birth mommies (and daddies, when possible) stay involved. As to logistics, one of our daughters is from across the country. We never knew that our open adoption would be so VERY open that we would be visiting (most open adoptions stop at phone calls, emails, letters, and photos), but we grew so much in love with birth mommy #1 that we quickly knew we would *want* this. And we do - we visit once or twice a year. Our other daughter is local to us, and we see her birth family every 2-3 weeks. As she grows this will lessen somewhat (there are so many changes right now that we *want* birth family to see!), but they will always be close. They make no demands, and neither do we. We just go with the flow! If we are going to the zoo and would like company, we call them up! And vice versa - it is truly just like "family". It is just so much EASIER than I ever would have thought it would be, all those years ago. It is also much, much, much more rewarding to me! I never thought that *I* would benefit from open adoption (I thought it was all for the child and especially the birth parents), but I do - very much so. It is also very comfortable - when I am with birth moms I feel as though I am with my younger sisters. And my hubby feels like they are extended family. I imagine that there will always be differences (for example, differences of opinion on how to raise the child, etc.), but just like with family, we will work it out - because we LOVE our new family, and that is what you do with loved ones... you work it out. (Nothing has come up yet, but there *have* to be differences, if I look at it realistically). Anyway, I have so much more to share about OPEN adoption, and I would love to! Please feel free to email me at SmithAngels@comcast.net and I will be happy to chat with anyone about this. No question is too personal (I don't think - I will let you know if it is, but haven't found one y et, LOL) and I really want to get the word out that this wonderful option exists for us. It truly is an (almost!) gauranteed WIN-WIN-WIN situation for all three parties of the adoption triad! If you wish to see our family adoption website it is here: PLEASE NOTE THAT PARENT PROFILE/DEAR EXPECTANT MOM WEBSITES CANNOT BE POSTED Thanks!!(this is the site that our birth mommies found us on, and fell in love with us over). Kind regards, Barbie