Which came first - the depression or the adoption?

I guess for me, I'd have to figure out WHICH adoption triggered my depression & anxiety, mine or my daughter's. I always had issues as a child/teenager. I was adopted at birth, and even though I was Daddy's girl, I never connected with my amom. It probably didn't help that they had my brother 15 months after I was born. Amom is an alcoholic, I was a rebelious teen, and the outsider. Having a baby at 17, and being FORCED to place her didn't help my attitude at all. Finally, about 4 yrs ago, at age 34, I was diagnosed with anxiety & depression. I went on medication for about 9 months. My husband and I made some changes in our life, and I was able to get off the meds and manage. Lately, though, I'm thinking I might need to go back on the meds. My Dr wasn't happy that I went off, but it was the choice I made. For the last several months, I've been having the same problems I had before, which is affecting my family. Rambling on, I know, so back to the question at hand: Which came first? For me, I think it was there all along, made worse because of my "relationship" with amom, then sent over the edge by my daughter's relinquishment.

Double whammy, so to speak, eh Amy? ((((HUGS)))) I know for me, I felt for a long time that going back on medication was some sort of failure, but I realized it wasn't. Whatever helped me get up in the morning and be productive was success. :)

Tara MayEXACTLY! Going back on the meds DOES seem like some sort of failure! But then I consider the fact that without them, I'm failing at being the wife and mother that I'm capable of being. So, I guess if I need to go back on, I'd be doing it not only for me, but for my family as well. I still haven't decided yet. I DO know that having these forums to vent in helps alot, and when I start feeling down, I can come here for advice and support, and reality checks, because as bad as parts of my life have been, there are people who have had it ALOT worse than me!

[FONT="Century Gothic"]I had the depression first but it wasn't bad until the adoption. Then it kicked in a has been much worse then ever before. Tried medications once and I didn't care for them and now I am trying to get in and start some new ones in the hope they work or atleast help more than the last ones.[/FONT]

Best of luck Leigh. I know it can take a while to find the right medication.

Amy - I too realized that being a bad wife and nurse just wasn't worth it. The meds were worth it. I suppose we, as woman, feel as though we have to do it all all the time perfectly. But we don't. :)

I was depressed before, and then it changed with the adoption. Before, I dont know, was it typical teenage angst? I went into therapy after a few years, I definately think that having to suppress my grief and not being able to talk about the adoption added to hitting a low point. I stopped therapy and the meds nearly 10 years ago. After making contact I feel like I've finally been able to heal! I guess I just feel like there is hope. If I was able to beat my depression I think anyone can. I wonder if women who have tendancies to be depressed are more likely to have pregnancies that end up being adoptions?

My initial reaction is no, but it would be interesting to explore the other life issues which might be affecting a woman who is suffering from depression and also pregnant. I know my history of depression had nothing to do with my decision to place. But that's just me.

My depression had nothing to do with my decision to place, I wonder if it had something to do with me becoming pregnant in the first place though! One thing I do know, at least in my case! Depression CAN be beaten!!

Right on! :)