Making first contact???what should i do???

hey mom2, saw no one had responded yet and I just wanted to say good luck!!! I think it's good that you at least know that the grandparents know about the adoption...I know if my parents were contacted by DD's afamily I would just die, it would really ruin things in our situation and would be a huge breach of trust for me. However, since you know this isn't an issue then I would think that you have at least a quasi green light on the go ahead of contact. I would think that if nothing else the bgrandparents would love to know how she is doing, that she is happy, healthy, etc. and would like pictures or something, even if actual F2F contact isn't what they could do right now. Again, I wish you the best of luck with whatever you decide and let us know how it goes!!

Good luck ((mom2GRLC))! That is a hard phone call to make. Keep us posted!

well. I've called them three times over the last week. Once was just to clarify who I was and what my intentions were since I didn't state it in my first message. But I have not heard back from them yet. I'm workign on writing them a letter and sending a picture or two of my DD and then just leaving it in their hands. At least I can tell my daughter I truly made an effort to get in contact with them. But honestly i hope they contact me at least some way...to just confirm that they are who I think they are and that they don't want contact...if that is the case....just so I can truly put it to rest. Thanksgiving.... Yes I am positive the grandparents Do know about the adoption and supported it. Since they are raising the birthmothers two oldest children, and have chosen not to take anymore. Birthmom is raising one as well....she just didn't feel she could be a single mother of two little ones(she had a 2 year old at the time) and was struggling with a long time drug problem....and trying to put her life back together. The oldest daughter (that the grandparents are raising) was there with the birthmom at the hospital when the adoption worker was there....so I'm 100% positive that everyone did know about the adoption and supported birthmom in this choice to place her child. Even if the grandparents say no on contact or do not respond I will still try and locate the birthmother. I feel she has a right to make her own decision wether she wants contact as well...who knows if the grandparents would even mention anythign to her about my calls or my letter....especially if they are trying to protect their daughter from more pain....I don't think that's there decision to make(seeing that birthmom is 36).

If I didn't hear by phone, I'd probably send a letter at some point with the info you need to pass on, just in case they didn't get the message for some reason. Our daughter was 2 when we adopted her. She had been in foster care for 1-1/2 years after removal from birthmom at 6 mos. Because birthmother had a very unusual maiden name, I was able to locate our daughter's family in another state (they were the only ones listed on zaba search with that last name and all were in the same general area). I called the first number and knew it was the wrong person by the voicemail. Called the 2nd number and asked for Mrs. Anna _____ and heard this "Oh, honey, you've got the wrong number, that's my sister, her number is _______." OK, now I'm excited, panicked, scared, shaking as I picked up the phone and dialed that number. I introduced myself as the adoptive mother of a little girl named Samantha. She says "Samantha? That's my granddaughter!!! I have her newborn photo posted right here in my fridge." We had a wonderful talk, she told me more about the family, about birthmom and her situation. She called birthmom and told her I had made contact. I then called her back a couple of weeks later and she asked if she could have an address, I sent her my work address, birthmom wrote. We've been corresponding and talking by phone for the past 5 years. And it's been wonderful because she is SO GRATEFUL that I made contact and that she knows her daughter is safe and loved. She knows she was not in a position to parent at that time. She respects US, always calling us "mommy and daddy" to our daughter on the phone. We really love each other because of this child. I hope you can come to the same ending with your story because, for a child, it matters so very much. Best wishes on your continued quest for openness.

Wow, that would be wonderful if we could get to that point. We're at that point with our other childrens birthfamilies some more than others. But this is our "missing link" I guess you could say. I just don't feel complete....like were missing a whole set of extended relatives. Really all I'm hoping for at this point is just some kind of contact saying that yes/no they are/aren't her birthfamily. Once I know that for sure and know that I have indeed made contact....then I can accept what ever they/we feel comfortable with and hopefully be able to leave that option open for the future if they aren't ready now. I just NEED to know that I found them...FOR SURE. I also figured that I did call pretty close to spring break and it's possible they may be on vacation or something. Plus I myslef have had problems in the past with voice mail messages....so I hate that I don't know for sure wether they even got the message or when. Oh well...I just have to learn patience I guess.