How do you find the right family?

As an adoptive mom I would think it would come from your heart. Our son's birth mom said she knew from the first time talking and meeting with us, that we were the ones!! We had no idea what to expect. We actually learned from one another, and became wonderful friends. Our communication continues and we feel expressing our feelings and opinions all along helped us with the adoption. Ours was a private adoption no agency involved, which for all of us worked out fine. As hopeful adoptive parents we did not make any promises we did not intend to keep with the birth mom. Respect for our son's birth mom was a most important issue for us, without her we knew we would not have our little angel. Adoption is such a courageous and loving choice and together our adoption plan was a true gift from God above. We saw first hand the love and courage it took for our son's birth mom and we will raise our son so that he will know the love of his birth parents...

Good questions! I have the same ones :D I have been going to an agency that I feel really happy with as far as the support they are giving me. I've looked through their parent profiles for an hour so far, but haven't found the one yet. They told me that is actually normal, and they recommended that I not go through profiles for longer than an hour at a time. I would have to imagine that we'll just feel it's right? I sure hope so. Lots of luck to you!

As an adoptive parent and being adopted myself I can only say trust yourself. When we meet our birthmom she became a friend and now she is a part of our family, we talk on the phone weekly and she is like a sister to me, she is in my home when she pleases and I go to her home as well. I think we are lucky to have her in our lives, and I hope that when we venture in to our next addition I hope it will be the same. Trust yourself to make the right choice and only make it if you are sure, Much love:battle: :mexico:

Haley's mom, I was just wondering how you are doing?

I am an adoptive mother so I can't answer most of your questions but can say that you should interview different agancys and lawyers who specialize in adoption to find the right fit for you. Our daughter's bmother found us through a friend of a friend, we helped with some expenses before the baby was born and counceling. One thing that I noticed in your post is that you do not want your baby to become just the adopted child if the couple has other children. My husband and I have two bio boys who were 10 and 14 when our daughter was born and I assure you that in no way is she just the adopted child! Our feelings nor those of our family and friends, are no different for her than our bio children! She was our child the moment bmother told us she wanted us to raise her! our emotions were the very same when the doctor handed her to us in the hosptial the moment she was born. You just have to find the fit for you on this journey and do what you are going to feel most comfortable with. Good luck, I know it's not easy for you.

My husband and I are in the process of adopting now, just waiting to be chosen so the only question I can answer is the one about your child becoming "the adopted child" if the couple you choose has other children. We have 2 boys ages 13 and 11. I had to have a hysterectomy 8 years ago, even though we knew we wanted another child. So, from a mom to biological children I have to say this... (for the most part) it is easy to get pregnant and have a child. That child may take after your great uncle Fred and look absolutely nothing like the parents but your child none the less. To ADOPT a child is 100 times harder. People who adopt have to go through background checks, questions upon questions about very personal things basically putting your whole life out there for everyone to see and then waiting and waiting for someone who thinks you are "good enough" to parent their child. Not to mention agency and attorney fees that are ridiculous. No one would go through this process unless they KNEW in their soul they would love this baby with everything they've got! My sister is adopted and I have a bio brother. I don't think of them any differently. (Actually I have way more in common with my sister than my brother) Anyway, all I'm trying to say is that people who choose to adopt, choose to put their heart and soul into a paper booklet that can in no way reflect how much we desire a child, how much we love each other and how much love we have to give to another child but that is all we get to put out there for an expecting mother to choose from. Couples who already have biological children know how much they love their kids, not because of DNA but because they have nurtured that child from birth. That is what makes a parent, and I know I speak for the vast majority of adoptive or waiting to adopt parents when I say, we would never go through all of this stress, waiting and heartbreak if we thought for one second we would not love our "newest" child, as much as the children we already have. Sorry this was so long, I hope you can understand what I'm trying to say even though I tend to ramble on!! LOL:o

Hello-just wanted to say that I agree with finding a councelor. If finances are a problem, you might try a college counselor or a teacher that you trust to point you in the right direction. Also you mentioned that your family is not close. Have you considered transfering to a school closer to family? Char

Brooke, I read your blog after seeing your post. My daughter's name is Brooke, it's been a difficult life for you as she decided to parent and 10 years later, things are still so hard at times. Just wanted to comment on what a strong and loving person you appear to be. I hope that your pregnancy continues to be a healthy one and that whatever choice you make for you and for your child, will be one that you find peace with. I'm an adoptive mom of 4 children and still find it so incredible that God feels I am worthy.

Brooke, I read your blog after seeing your post. My daughter's name is Brooke, it's been a difficult life for you as she decided to parent and 10 years later, things are still so hard at times. Just wanted to comment on what a strong and loving person you appear to be. I hope that your pregnancy continues to be a healthy one and that whatever choice you make for you and for your child, will be one that you find peace with. I'm an adoptive mom of 4 children and still find it so incredible that God feels I am worthy.

I placed my baby girl 12 years ago, and am a mom today, pm and I can give you some personal advice if you need it. I didn't have this wonderful site to come to when I was searching for the perfect family for my unborn baby. God Bless,Summer

I am in the opposite position, looking for a birth mom. I don't really have any criteria, as I don't even know what to begin to ask or where to begin my search. But, yeah my advice is to look through parent profiles or even talk to youi OB (sometimes an OB may know someone who wants to adopt - this is one route I am going). Then contact that person, get to know them (if you want open). I was adopted - basically my b-mom walked out of the hospital and left me without siging any papers. The hospital called my mom and she said yes - (I was 3 days old). I was taken home that day with my parents.

I looked at MANY profiles sent to me by my agency. The one thing I remember that "stood out" about my son's aparents is they have a genuine warmth about them. Instead of talking about their "status" such as their house, etc, they spoke more of everyday things, like his amoms love of cooking. I wanted a stable, down-to-earth family - someone like me. Some of the couples spoke of their large homes and how financially set they were - I put them aside immediately. My son's aparents were so warm, caring, and down-to-earth and we shared a lot of interests. (His amom and I both are avid readers - the day before I delivered, we went book shopping together) For me, that is what is important. I just felt "pulled" to them, whereas the other profiles didn't have any effect on me. They didn't have any other children, but if they did in the future, I know my bson would never be "just the adopted child" - he is their world, their center of the universe. Nothing could break or diminish that bond. That would be like me saying my bson is "just the bson" compared to the children I raise. They are all my children. I know this might not make sense to some, but I thought I'd share my experience.

I wish you luck in finding just the right family. It's like finding the right husband, you just know. When we met TJ's bmom, we just knew, we clicked. About the bio/adopted issue: My husband has a 16 year old from a previous marriage, I adore my stepson, but he has a mom so my role is a step back. TJ is my son, my life and we are sooooo blessed to have him. So, I asked my husband one day if there was a difference in how he truly felt between his bio child and his adopted child. I think that he was horrified that I even asked the question, but I did. He said that there is no difference, not one ounce. I knew the answer before I asked it, mainly because my niece is adopted from Guatemala and she is every bit as loved and cherished as my bio nieces and nephews. On another note, we went the private route and I think everyone (bmom and us) like we had so much more control over what was happening. There wasn't a third party and the bmom really got to know us and understand us as a family. She actually loved the fact that TJ had an older brother (who by-the-way ADORES him).

I was a birthmother many years ago so it is rather ironic that my dh and I are now waiting to adopt our first child. Being on both sides of the coin, I understand your concerns and questions. The only thing I can tell you is that you will "just know". There will be something that you will identify and just click with. However long it takes, no matter how you choose, take your time. It will be the most important decision of your life and your baby's future. Best of luck to you and your baby. I hope your journey will be as rewarding as mine has been.

As a birthmom who recently has gone through the whole process, I would say make a list of the things that are MOST important to you, that way when your loooking at profliles you can quickly scan to see if they meet those. If they do, then you keep reading. I looked through TONS of profiles, but even after days and weeks of looking at different profiles, it was the one that first stood out to me that I eventually picked, so pay attention to how you feel. Remember, this is all about you feeling good (the whole process, not just picking a family). If you want something, dont give in! Open, semi-open, closed, naming, hospital bills, to see the baby/not see the baby, doctor visits, hospital visits... there's a lot to think about, so take things one at a time, and dont let anyone change your mind. You are not being selfish! When this is all over YOU are going to be the one that must get closure, so do things the way YOU want.