Is it possible to adopt again after disruption?

Is your daughter getting any occupational and speech therapies? My son came home at 2 and a half and had no language, and was also delayed. I worked with him daily and we did speech and OT once a week. He's 4 now and speaks clearly in sentences and is doing well. When we brought him home the doctors thought he was autistic because of his delays. Sorry I don't know the answer to your question. I hope you get the answers you need real soon.

My questions are the same as blue's. Are you getting any kind of services at all? Trying to get a child "caught up" on your own is very difficult.It is possible for kids to progress with the proper services.Have any specialists checked her for any other explanations for her delays? Are there any signs of Autism or Mental Retardation? Are all her muscles developing normally? Any medical reason why she wouldn't be progressing normally.If you need help finding services, or decide that you do want to disrupt, PM me and I can help.

To answer your specific question, a LOT of that has to do with how you act and what you do from this point forward. For instance, this child needs to receive professional help with her issues. If she receives it from this point forward to the best of your ability, then that's good. If she doesn't receive it, or if youcould be perceived as doing only a partial job of getting her professional help, that's bad. If you do your research about ways that you can disrupt this adoption with the least amount of affect to the child, talking to lawyers, counselors, etc, that's considered good. But if your questions center mostly about what YOU get to do or not do after the disruption, that's bad. If you find a reputable adoption agency (or attorney, however it works in your state) and place your child for adoption lovingly and cooperatively, answering all their questions and providing all her records, that's good. If you show up at the local Child Protection office and say "I can't handle her" and drop her off, that's bad. Does that make sense? It's not the actual choice to place your child for adoption with another family that could disqualify you from adopting in the future, it's really about how you handle it. Some things will be looked on badly, and some things will be looked on well. Women who place their biological children for adoption are permitted to adopt later in life (assuming they meet all the other qualifications), so a woman who places her adopted child for adoption would be permitted to adopt later too (again assuming you meet all the other qualifications). I'd encourage you to find an adoption counselor to talk to. Be sure you have somebody on YOUR side who can talk you through all the conflicting feelings you must have right now. Someone knowledgeable about the adoption community who can advise you about the options and choices you have in front of you. Hang in there!

I should have mentioned that. She gets therapy (speech, physical, & occupational) 4 times a week, sees a chiropractor once a week, & has had many tests: MRI, swallow, chromosome, metabolic, renal, EKG, & GI tract. All were normal. She has an EEG next week for possible seizures & other neurological problems. She's had cognitive testing that placed her in the 6-9 month range at 26 months. The doctor who did it said he doeant diagnose retardation in kids under 5 because her brain is still developing & her motor skills were so bad she couldnt do the whole test. I'm a full time mom & have given this child everything I can to help her, I feel like I couldnt handle it if she was a total care child & I really dont want a disabled or retarded child. I know she needs a home & deserves love like any other child & I do love her. It terrifies me to think of living without her & whether her new family would love her as much as I do but at the same time my love isnt enough to save her or fix her, & she might be better off with someone who accepts her as she is & doesnt think she needs to be fixed. I love her so much, but there are limits to what I can handle. Does that make sense?

It totally makes sense to me. I could never live with a total-care child or deal with a child who's never going to be independent of me. We're not all born to do that. I hope you find a solution that brings you peace.

MB: I completely understand. We have adopted eight times----five babies, three older children (through the system) in two separate adoptions. Two of the 'older children' have been disrupted; and the third has been living in residential facilities for years due to dangerous behaviors. He can't live in a traditional home; and neither could the other older child who's adoption was completely 'reversed'. Bottom line actually, all three have not 'worked out'. It took years of trying through different therapies; crying to counselors to try to get a grasp on what their issues were and literally wiping us out in order to protect the other children from two of them. We'd never adopt a child over the age of 12 months again. But, we went back to private agency/attorney adoption. We now have three little ones in our home and alas, the home is safe, normal and a joy to live in. The attitude that Diane speaks of, is true. Additionally, some areas are incredible jerks about reversing an adoption, because their feelings are that 'when you adopt, you should be glad for anything you get'----EVEN when that means fraud was used. I can't agree. There are some children who simply cannot be adopted in traditional homes. There are some children who are too dangerous to have with other children; and there are some children who have such intense needs, they literally need round the clock, full time nursing care in order to keep them safe. Don't give up hope if you have to disrupt this adoption. There is light at the end of the tunnel; and if you've done your best by this child, no one can (or should) fault you for simply wanting a 'normal' child to care for. Please pm me if I can be of any help. We've BTDT enough times, I think we know the 'maps' by heart (unfortunately). Sincerely, Linny