I never knew him

Dear Munsheme,I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your biological father. I had a similar experience in Nov. 2005 when I found that both of my birth parents had passed away. For me, it was the profoundest bereavement I've ever been through. Like, how does one grieve over someone whom they'd never met? I found that talking about it with friends who are comfortable with grief was immensely helpful as well as seeing a grief therapist. I also spoke with an empathetic pastor. Other people find that journaling helps. What was particularly hard for me was the fact that a lot of bereavement support groups ended up talking about all their memories of their loved ones or the challenges of the funeral arrangements. And adoptee support groups focused on the complexities of reunion. I didn't exactly fit in either of these camps but made the best of what resources were available. You might also find the following adoption bereavement web site useful [URL="http://www.bereavement-network.org/"]Home[/URL] The Intercountry Adoption Centre in the United Kingdom also has published a booklet about adoption bereavement but I haven't actually read it so don't know how helpful it is. There's also a Yahoo Group called FoundandLost where people in the adoption triangle support one another through bereavement. [URL="http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/FoundandLostSupport/"][/URL]Others find it helpful to do some sort of ritual, eg. lighting candles, visiting their loved one's grave, to mourn and validate their loss, to honour their loved one (that's what funerals are basically for). Whatever the case, do whatever you feel comfortable in mourning the loss of your biological Dad. I hope that at least knowing that there are many other adoptees who can relate to your grief provides some comfort. Grieve in your own way, heal at your own pace. Again, I'm so sorry for your loss.

I recently just went through this with my BUncle. He and I met right around the time my BMom and I met. I met him at my job and worked with him for 6 yrs and my wife continued to work with him for sometime after that. He was a wonderful man who loved family and was ever so proud of me as his nephew. He is the first Blood I know of that I lost. Part of his death took a peice of me. All my life I yearned for people that were simular to me.( I am black/native american and grew up in a Caucasian home in a town of 12k Caucasians and 5 minorities) I will always be grateful for him and knowing him(we were not super tight but family is family). The blessing I recieved from his departure was returning to the Rez and meeting almost my Entire family. Most of which had heard about me from him. Personal loss is just that and no one will be able to fully understand your feeling and loss but gather enough love around you and you can make it through anything.

Thank you for your kindness. I appreciate your thoughts, advice and resources. I have come to learn that I have a half-brother and a half-sister and I am hoping that my Grandfather is still alive. I must muster up the courage to make some phone calls ~ God gives me strength! Please take care.

Thank you for writing to me and I am sorry to hear about your Uncle. It's amazing what some people have to deal with ~ everyone has a past, right? Somewhere down the line I must believe that God does everything for a reason and sometimes, we just don't understand what that reason is! Please take care