My fiance is not ready for another child...

I'm one of the very lucky birthmoms who has no regrets. I had the support to make the decision that was best for me and my baby and the freedom to make the choice without anyone pushing me either way. To this day, almost twelve years later, I still do not know what decision my parents wanted me to make. (I was 17 at the time so their opinions were very important to me.) This road has been really, really hard. The first year was pretty miserable. I missed my baby so much and was a little bit crazy. I knew I made the right decision, but it still hurt so much. I spent a LOT of time reflecting and journaling and crying to anyone who would listen. Even though it was really tough, it was absolutely, without a doubt, 100% the right choice for me. If I could have a do-over, I might change a couple little details, but the overall outcome would be the same. At this point, most of my days are just fine. There are, however a couple days each year that are still hard. Sometimes I expect them. Sometimes they come out of nowhere. I just never know. But, most of the time I am just fine. I have an open adoption that includes a very strong, respectful, trusting, two-way relationship with her adoptive parents. P and I have been able to develop a healthy relationship that is good for both of us. It works for us. I don't really have any words of wisdom. I do want to give you the encouragement that adoption can be a really great option. It isn't always, so it is important to be aware of that, but it can be for some people. Good luck on your journey.

Haley: I believe I have a positive story to tell in that I placed my DD for adoption, and 15 years later she is a beautiful and bright and well adjusted teenager. She had a stable and "typical" upbringing with a loving family who are also kind and loving towards me. My life right now is wonderful as well, I have a good job and a college degree and an awesome fiance. And all might not have happened this way if I did not choose adoption for my daughter. But here's the truth. If you asked me at 17 why I was placing my child I would have told you that I was a freshman in college who was on awful terms with the father of my DD. I wanted her to grow up in an environment with two parents who loved her and could get along with eachother enough to put aside their issues for her best interest. I did not have faith that that would be the case. I had no doubt that my parents would be disappointed, yet supportive. They probably would have raised her, and I didn't want that for DD either. I felt that I owed it to my DD to make sure she had every advantage with two parents who could give that to her. The offer by her a mom to keep the adoption open to me was unexpected, and appreciated, since I'd always know how DD was doing. So now 15 years later as a 33 year old looking back I can say that I still don't have major regrets about my choice, (lets face it, there are always what ifs and a bit of regret that rises to the surface at times) but my reasons are a bit different. I still know that my parents would have raised her and I didn't want that. But I now know, looking back that my ex would have come around. He would have helped me parent (To a point, I believe, he was not always very nice to me, but I can truly say he loves DD.) And we probably would have gone the same route Mommy 24 went, married, parented her and her siblings, and divorced. My point after that ramble is this: Some things can change over time. It does take two, and the father's decision should ABSOLUTELY count for something. But you need to be true to your feelings as well. You need to make sure that in 5, 10, 15 years, whatever BOTH of you decide is what BOTH can live with. If you can stand by that, you'll be OK. ((hugs))) to you. I hope it all works out!

My birth sister and I were 12 months apart and grew up in different homes.This affects more than birthparents-it affects the children too.If you care to hear from any of us adoptees,just let us know.;~))

My journey hasn't been a bed of roses. It has been 18 years (almost 19) for me. DD went to a couple who love her and welcomed her into their hearts and home. Somehow I seem to find comfort in that. I can sugarcoat my stories for those who can't seem to understand, but I have realized the pretty little story doesn't help anyone...especially me. The Journey I have been on has been rough, I have spent years pushing any feeling down so I could not feel anymore. Along the way I became numb, I even lost myself a few times. Thanks to my friends and the stories here, good and bad, I found my strength. I also found friends here that are best described as "Sisters" For me, being a Birthmother is painful, it is joyful, it is full of a love that I can not describe. It is a roller coaster ride, you don't know what emotion will be around the corner. Make sure you are making this decision because you feel it is the best one. The most important thing you will need on this journey is a strong support system. I have found friendship and support here, there are times I don't like the responses I get, but sometimes it takes someone else to acknowledge that elephant in the room. As long as you make this decision because you feel it is the right one then please understand...it won't always be a pretty little story. You will find others here who can hold your hand on this journey, because this journey is not an easy one. Lots and Lots of (((HUGS)))

[FONT="Georgia"] I have looked and their is definitely not many positive stories being shared. So I am very happy to hear that someone's life is going great and they are happy with the decision they made to adopt out their child. [/FONT] [FONT="Comic Sans MS"] "Uh, and this should be a kind, loving, understanding place to come to. Not a place to be ridiculed by telling someone one that they are making the wrong decision or that they shouldn't do adoption if isn't for a reason they feel suitable an adoption should be done for."[/FONT] [FONT="Georgia"]Oh and how it's my decision as the mother(lets disregard that this baby has a father too) and if I decide on adoption I'll end up resenting the babies father and breaking up. When in all reality it's extremely hard for my fianc as well considering he's a father to one of our babies already and will be the birthfather to this one. I'm looking for supportive women to share their experiences good, bad and sad. Not to judge me or tell me what decision I should be making, If that's the case, adoptive parents should be allowed to tell me how I should give my child up, it's the best thing I could do for my child. There should't be a right or wrong reason why someone wants to do adoption. I'm the one who has to live with it. Just like I will do my research and make sure my child has a very LoVED, plentiful and BLESSED life. Just like I want to have a chance to be able to give my daughter.[/FONT] :fish:[FONT="Lucida Console"]PROUDEST birth MOMMY to PrincesS Haley Rene` 8/23/06[/FONT]:fish: You have made me love life with every breath I breathe. I owe you everything that is wonderful in life. I will never regret making your life the very best it can be with every opportunity I can give to you my beautiful daughter... my precious Haley. I'm going to go pick you up and hold you so very close right now...

Why does your signature say you are a birth mother to the child you are parenting? I am so confused. Please research the term and how a mother is a mother unless the termination of parental rights has been signed. Don't short change your title-age with regard to your beautiful daughter. Be her everyday mommy, not her birth mommy.

I am not sure if your comment in this past post was directed at me but in case let me respond.I never said you WOULD resent your childs bfather, nor did I imply it. What I did was give MY situation and what happened to me. Food for thought would have been the best gift anyone could have given me at that time in my life. No One did.My child's bfather regrets our decision to this day, have I ever said it was easy for him, NO, do I feel like he could have possibly took us down a different path had he stood up and been the man I needed him to be, YES and he will say the same thing now as a 37 year old man and not as the 20 year old boy that he was then.I havent seen anyone judge you, ridicule you, in fact I have seen much support and lots of bmoms speaking from their own experiences which is what you asked for:flowergift:Adoption for all involved isnt for the faint at heart, If I could do it all over again I would do so many things differently. Again I hope you find what it is your looking for here at Adoption.com there are alot of VERY supportive people, open your heart:hippie:

[FONT="Fixedsys"]Because SchmennaLeigh I am her birthMOTHER....I gave birth to her... and I'm very PROUD of doing it. I enjoy being her birthMOTHER as much as I enjoy being her everyday mommy as you would like to put it and I'm forever and always the one who gave BIRTH to her.[/FONT] :fish:[FONT="Lucida Console"]Forever and always the one who gave BIRTH to Haley Rene`8/23/06[/FONT]:fish:

Oh girl, you are confused. You don't WANT to be a birth mother to the child that you are parenting. It is a demeaning term mean to remove the title of mother and make it "less than"! You are her MOTHER withOUT a determiner. PLEASE do your research. NO MOTHER is a birth mother until she has signed the termination of parental rights. Did you sign the termination of parental rights for the daughter you are parenting?

Please don't make light of the title Birthmother. You are a mother, you gave birth and you are parenting your child. I gave birth, I relinquished, I am a birthmother.I gave birth to my younger daughter, I am parenting her, I am her Mother.

[FONT="Arial Black"]This is what I'm referring to MOMMY24[/FONT]

Hey this is what I wrote back to you SchmennaLeigh, don't try to change the subject to terminology of who's a bMOM and who's a MOMMY...I am a mom period. Please stick to the subject. Thank you. :love:[FONT="Comic Sans MS"]FOREVER HALEY'S MOMMY who was born on 8/23/06[/FONT]:love:

Haley, I realize that you are going through a tough time right now. Kuddos to you for having the courage to post here. Having said that, i am going to come from a different side of things. I am an reunited adoptee. At times I have resented it. But in the long run IT WAS THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME. I know that you are confused right now and you are concerned for the well being of your child. I am not going to sugar coat anything. It was difficult being adopted at times. But you see had I not been adopted I would not have had all the opprotunities that i have had thus far in my life. The bmoms that have posted are telling you the truth it is VERY difficult to relinquish a child and as in my case a closed adoption to not know what happened to your child. I do not believe that they are trying to be unsupportive. I have been on these forums for years, all of these women are heroes in my book. They have made the ULTIMATE sacrifice, not having their child in their lives. So please for all our sakes do your research and follow YOUR heart in this situation. Please as well do your research on the term Birth mother you are not referring to yourself in the correct manner.

Okay...folks...take a breather for the night please. I'm closing til tomorrow to let tempers cool. Thanks!

LOL. If that was for me, I didn't catch it because it wasn't very clear. In response to your reply to me: I didn't say you would resent the father. I have a decent relationship with my placed daughter's birth father. It took some work but we salvaged a friendship and he is coming to terms with his involvement in her life. You're the one who said you didn't want negative stories and turned around two posts later and said that you did.My only warning is to read ALL of the stories: the good, the bad, the ones in the middle. Learn the laws of your state. Learn the terminology that you think isn't very important: it is. While it may seem like a lesson in semantics at first, you will learn a lot about the process of adoption by taking the time to learn about who is who and what is what and why & how that all comes together under the umbrella of adoption. You're ahead of the game by coming to the site so early. You have time to learn. Instead of telling us HOW you want to learn that information, start researching all of the wide array of information available right at your fingertips. Many mothers have said that they wished they would have found this resource earlier in their pregnancies so they could have learned more, about adoption and the legalities and the terminology and the pain and the possible joy. You're here. Take advantage.