Son, are you out there searching just like me???

correction....his d/o/b is 3/19/85, not 3/19/05

To my long lost son, I just want you to know that you are on my mind, and still in my heart, always and forever, and I pray that one day (preferrably soon) I will get to see you and hold you once again!!! And again, I will be crying, but this time with a peace of mind knowing that you are all right!!! I love you!!!

angeleyes I hope you find your son, I truly do. I say this as an adult who's been trying to establish a dialogue with his birthparents for several years now. Other than a brief and almost dismissive response from my birthmother, I've been ignored. Know that he loves you wherever he is, and is probably happy and healthy. I truly hope you can reunite one day, I wish you the best.

I really apprecicate the encouragement. I pray my son knows about me, and one day will want to locate me as well. And I hope I can help him to understand it was not because I did not love him that he was adopted. I do not know about searching for him at this time, as he is only 24 years old, and just starting his life as an adult, and would hate to cause him any pain or problems. I wish I could help about your mother. I can only assume that she is confused herself....had pushed this all to the back of her head due to the pain I am sure she endured in loosing you. I know she must love you...you seem like a very special person. And I am sure it was one of the hardest decisions she ever made. I pray that one day you will have your answers, and hopefully more connection with her and your dad.

Thank you angeleyes, it means a lot to get your perspective on things as it may be the closest I ever get to having anything answered. I myself am 23, soon to be 24 so maybe I can offer the same type of insight to you as well. I originally came to this site and searched the posts tirelessly in the hopes that maybe my birthparents were here too. The world is a big place though and I never found any evidence of it. The only word I've ever heard from my birthparents was a very short letter from my birthmother. I had a closed adoption, and could only contact at 21. I poured my heard out in a letter, and when I got the response I was elated at first and then hurt beyond anything I've ever felt besides deaths in my family. It basically said she loves me, and that she gave me to adoption because of immaturity in the relationship, bad financial standing and wanting a better life for me. Her response wasn't bad really, but it hurt that it was a few short sentences, and I never heard from her again. I also wrote a letter to my birthfather through the agency, and through certified mail I know he's there, but he never responded despite saying he would in my record. I'm planning to write my final letters to them and try to move on soon, but it's hard. I understand it may be painful for them, perhaps they have families now and this just creates problems. I really just want closure, maybe pictures to see why I look the way I do, and learn a little about them. It's always felt like there's a hole in my heart that will never close over this...it seems like I may not get the closure I long for but might have to find it within myself. On to you...have you tried contacting your birthson through the agency you used? I truly hope you can find him, I wish my birthmother had the same drive to find me and communicate...

NateMassachusetts, I have not tried going to the agency I went through. I did contact the state when he turned 18, and was informed no attempt for contact could be made until he was 21. For the longest I searched the web, especially this site. I learned so much from reading different perspectives, and at one time was informed boys who were adopted do not usually attempt contact, or are not ready for contact, until they are in their early 30's. So, I sit and wait....waiting for the time he will be that age, as I do not ever want to cause him any pain or problems in his life. I have other children, and they are aware of their brother being somewhere out there. I know they are not always that mature on things, and sure how hearing from a total stranger I was his (birth) mother. I love him so much, and have been haunted, in a since, by my decision all these years. I know it was probably the best for him, at the time, however, I have never stopped loving or thinking about him. I hate the fact that you are haunted as well by this. I pray that one day you will have your peace. I understand what you are going through...from this side of the fence. You seem like a nice young man, and I hope you have had a blessed life, and continue to do so. I am sure your mother would feel honored to meet you, and I hope one day this happens for you. Is there a chance of possibly talking to any of your mother or dad's extended family?

Hi angeleyes, sorry for the late response as I've been kind of ill lately. It's funny to hear that most males don't attempt contact, it's another thing to check off on my list that makes me markedly different from most people. I hope that your son attempts to contact you sooner. I can only speak for me, but I can't see why someone wouldn't want to attempt contact...at least to learn some things.The only reason I could guess is perhaps misplaced anger towards the birthparents, which I admit I did have for some time. I used to have some self-loathing over it, asking myself if I was good enough, or if I had done something wrong to deserve being "abandoned". Of course being older now I no longer believe this, and see how hard it must have been to basically walk away from a child as a parent. I guess all in all I hope for closure, but it seems like what I wished for isn't likely to happen. I can't bring myself to write a final letter, thinking about it causes me to break down and cry, and my adoption is about the only thing that causes me to cry this way. I had to go through my agency for everything, so in my closed adoption I know no names, addresses or anything besides heritage and medical backgrounds. The agency has their names, but can't give them out to me so I wouldn't be able to contact their families. I do wonder if I have half-brothers/sisters as well, and if I would connect with them sometimes. I recommend you go through the agency and see where that could lead you. If that doesn't pan out, there are other companies that specialize in this sort of thing, which I've debated using as well to perhaps get a name, but if it would be against my birthparents wishes I'd feel like I'd be in violation.

NateMassachusetts, I too am sorry for just now getting back to you. I don't have internet access at home, so......I do hope you are feeling better. I understand about you needing the closure, and I hope that one day you have this. I am sure that it was a very hard decision, but one made with love for you, that your birth-mother decided to place you for adoption. I know from experience that it is difficult to do.....and to live with at times. I am also sure that she has never forgotten about you, and probably thinks of you often. Be patient, give her time, and hopefully one day, you will get your answers to your questions, and all will be good. As for me and my son, I have put my information out there, should he decide to search for me. I have a closed adoption, but I was allowed to send a letter to be put into his file with the state, letting him know that I was open to be contacted, and left numbers where I could be contacted. I want to wait to allow him time to start his life....I don't want to interfere, as I have heard, in reading on these sites, that young men are usually not ready at this age. I love him so much, and would never want to cause him any pain. So, I will wait to do my searching for about another 10 years, which is, from all I have read, about the time young men are interested in searching. You, it seems, are the exception to the rule....and seem to be an exceptional young man!! I think of you often also, and pray that you will get your closure, and pray that you will have a happy life!!!

No problem angel, I've been having issues with my internet and can't access my wireless at home. I'm surprised that adopted boys/men don't usually want to contact. I first became...aware of being adopted at around 13, and I wondered all the time. I couldn't attempt contact till around 21 due to the closed adoption, but I always wanted to. I realize it must have been hard for her, and I don't harbor any ill will...I'm going to explain in my next and final letter that I don't want to bring up bad feelings, or open old wounds, just closure for myself.

I know that this is silly, but have you tried Facebook or Myspace? I just recently found my bmom on Myspace 2 weeks ago. That day, I spoke with her an 5 new family members!