Healing and Mother's Day

Mother's Day is difficult for me, mostly because my mother passed away over 12 years ago. When bson was born, she begged me not to relinquish him, but I wanted him to have a father, and I did not want him to feel ashamed of my unwed status (that's just the way things were back then, in 1971). My mother loved bson from the time he was born, and always kept him in her heart. She always remembered his birthday. Although I never believed it would happen, bson and I both posted on this web site, and I found him in January of this year. After dealing with some feelings about our new relationship and Mother's Day, I find that I am more despondent about the fact that he will never have the opportunity to meet my mother. That makes me really sad...she would have loved our reunion, as she had always loved him. It just really breaks my heart... Love, Susan :hippie:

Susan, I think that's part of the sadness for me too. Mom would have kept D while I finished school and found a job. She used to list him with the number of grandsons she had when she wrote her Christmas notes. She would have been so pleased to see him with his siblings and to get to know his children. It hurts to know she didn't get the chance. (She died 11 years ago on May 16.) My story is similar to yours, by the way. D was born in 1972 so my reasoning was similar to yours in placing him. I too found D through this site, in September 2005. I hope your reunion is as positive as our has been.

Kathy... did you tell D how your mother felt, including that she did not want you to relinquish? How did D take hearing this? I thought all my "stuff" this Mother's Day was going to be about me and bson...I didn't figure on all the hidden pain regarding my own mom. I had a dream (nightmare) last month...that my DD was going to relinquish her young son. (DD is a 30 y/o single mom, and my grandson will be 2 y/o next month.) In my dream, I was so despondent and in so much pain over her decision that I just walked out into the ocean to end it all...that's how bad the pain was. After that horrible dream, I think I finally began to understand my mom's pain. I could never bring myself to talk to her about it. Finally, through the help in these forums, I have been able to talk, but now I do not have my mom to talk to. :grr: :grr: :grr: Peace, Susan :(

I'm not a birthmom but this time of year is always really hard for me. My mother died when I was 16 and I guess that's where it all started, then add on infertility issues, fostering/adopting issues and birthparent sorrows and it all just becomes tooooo much. I HATE Mothers Day. I wish we could just get rid of it altogether.

Kathy I want to say something helpful as you have helped so many of us when we needed it. For what it's worth- I believe that your mother and Susan's mother are smiling down from heaven today. We buirred (spelling?) my father the Saturday before Mother's Day 34 years ago. I always think of him as well as mother this time of year.:flowergift: Patty

I have similar thoughts about Mothers still knowing of the accomplishements of their children even when their Spirit has long left the body. Sometimes creating alittle alter in your home or garden on Mothers day can be good for all involved...a nice plant or vase of flowers, but more importantly a letter to her(with all the hard stuff too!) It can really help... maybe you don't feel "better" right off, but things shift and when they do you can be glad you did it ( I was). You can have this special spot in a more private place too, if ya don't want to deal w/questions from others. Much love to all, :flowergift:

My mother once said to me that when she was 90 and I was 70, she'd still be my mother and have the right to tell me what to do! She's been dead since '96, but she still tells me what to do! I'm ok with Mom's death... it's just that certain days, songs, etc. trigger the emotions and feeling of loss. Mother's Day is one such trigger. I'm fine now! Thank you for caring, btw! I really appreciate it.

Thank you for the nice words -- they were much appreciated. I also like the idea of a letter to my mom...I think I'll take that under consideration. Thanks again! :flowergift: Peace, Susan :hippie: