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[FONT=Times New Roman]As an outstanding high school senior who played varsity sports, got good grades, came from a solid family and had a steady boyfriend of over two years, pregnancy after the first time I had ever engaged in intercourse came as quite a shock for me. Terrified, my boyfriend and I deliberated quietly about what to do. Five months into the pregnancy, we told my parents. Although upset, my parents were supportive and urged us to make our own decision so we could hold ourselves fully accountable for the consequences. Although not at first, I ultimately realized how crucial it was that I, with my boyfriend, be the one to decide the future of our baby. [/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman] At the time, I didnӒt like hearing this at all. I was scared and wanted my mom and dad to tell me what to do. Looking back, I am so thankful to my parents for letting me make the decision.[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman] [/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman]I found XXXXXX agency in the phone book. While I was confused and unsure about what to do, I knew that I did not have the resources at the time to parent a child. I had plans for college and felt that I still had growing up to do. My boyfriend had endured a rough childhood as a son born to a single mother. We knew we didnԒt want to put our baby through similar hardship. [/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman] I had had such a good upbringing. I knew I couldnӒt bear not to provide the same for my child. It was unacceptable to me. I felt deep down that my child shouldnt pay the price for being born too soon in my life. Although I could offer her love, that wasnҒt enough. She needed a good home, stability and two parents. [/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman] [/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman]Through some workshops and counseling at the agency, I learned that adoption could be a possibility for me. I felt that the XXXXXXX staff were very understanding and non-judgmental. They did not promote any particular decision, but presented the pros and cons of all the options. After a lot of reading and thinking, I realized that, for me, open adoption sounded the most attractive. As an achiever, I was accustomed to having control over things in my life. I found the idea of being able to choose adoptive parents for my baby, to meet these parents and then have them provide frequent pictures and letters of my child, very tangible and reassuring. [/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman] ԓI liked open adoption because if I was going to give someone the most precious gift I possibly ever could, the least they could do in return was to share pictures and updates that showed they were taking good care of my baby. I didnt want to wonder who my child was and what she looked like. I wanted to see for myself that she was going to a good home and appeared happy.Ҕ[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman] [/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman]I was also thinking about the future, and of the emotional wellbeing of my child. I felt that this baby had been given to me for a higher reason and that it was up to me to make the right choice for both of us.[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman] I wanted the baby to have information about me as well. As a child, I had a friend who had been adopted. She didnӒt know anything about her birthmother and would make up stories about her, pretending she was someone famous. I didnt want my little girl to grow up inventing stories about me. I wanted her to know exactly who I was and where I had come from.Ҕ[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman] [/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman]Though my boyfriend and I read through many adoptive parent profiles, we knew instantly when we came across the right match. D and BӔ sounded almost familiar to us. I felt that they would be able to raise my baby similar to how I had been raised. Meeting D and B fortified my decision; I felt certain that this was the right couple. Despite the intensity of my own emotional needs, I was sincerely moved by D and Bs earnest desire to adopt my baby. They had been waiting so long to love a child. Later on, I found that in my tougher moments, I was able to turn to magnanimous thoughts of wanting to help D and B create a family. These sentiments provided me with the strength I needed to make it through. [/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman]ғD and B had been through so much and had been trying to adopt a baby for ten years. They were older and were being told that their chance of adopting were slim. I couldnt bear to break their hearts. After meeting D and B, I didnҒt waver in my decision I just kept thinking about them.֔[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman] [/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman]When baby Hannah was born, my boyfriend and I were able to spend three days in the hospital with her. We had many visitors as my pregnancy was public knowledge. I had attended my high school classes throughout the pregnancy, giving birth slightly before graduation. We kept Hannah in our two room suite with us which made visiting with friends and family convenient. I also made the unique and courageous decision to breastfeed Hannah for those three days.[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman] I had read about colostrum {the early breastmilk} and knew how good it was for babies. I felt like if three days was all I was going to have with my baby that I wanted to provide the very best for her for those three days. It was the only thing I could give her that nobody else could. It was my gift to Hannah.Ӕ[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman] [/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman]D and B came to visit. But they were very careful not to stay too long, and I never felt like they were rushing me. In fact, I felt like D and B seemed most concerned about how I was weathering the experience. But believe me, I was grieving. As best I could, I utilized each step and decision of the adoption process to confront and face my tumultuous emotions. So when the time actually came to send Hannah home, I remember feeling acutely sad, but also feeling surprisingly ready.[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman]We cried a lot. We see-sawed between wanting the time to go fast so we could get it over with, and wanting the time to go more slowly so we could treasure it. It was awful, but exhilarating.Ӕ [/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman] [/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman]After three days, the XXXXXXX agency counselors came and helped my boyfriend and I to do a special handing-over ceremony where we exchanged pictures and mementos with D and B. We also our blessings and said our goodbyes. Yet, even though it was a parting, I felt the comfort of knowing that it wasnt truly a goodbye. We would be receiving frequent updates and pictures that we had all agreed upon ahead of time, and we had left open the option for future contact if we all decided that was best. [/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman] ғIt felt really good knowing that we all knew something about it each other, but not too much. That we had enough for now, but could have more later if it worked out that way. And that was very good for all of us.[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman] [/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman]To my surprise, within two weeks, I received a call (via the agency) that D had extended family in town who were hoping to meet us. We agreed. We met, and I held Hannah for the entire visit. Yet again, I felt this meeting cemented the fact that we had made the best decision in placing Hannah with D and B.[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman] ԓI was so excited to see how much love and attention she was getting. And how happy they were to be parenting her. I felt at peace with my decision. [/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman] [/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman]A few months later, B had relatives in town who also wanted to meet us. Again, the experience was so positive among the family members, and with us getting to personally witness D and BԒs dedication to Hannah, that it became a tradition. For the next few years, all of the family birth and adopted ֖ would get together for a reunion. As years went by and schedules got busier, but relationships got closer and more comfortable, D suggested that we contact each other directly rather than through the agency. I was in full agreement. From this time onward, we essentially became what is one large extended family for Hannah. [/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman]It just felt like family does. Like those relatives that you love and care so much about but only get to see a few times a year. And the time you spend with them when you do see them is so special.Ӕ[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman] [/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman]Eventually, I moved one state away and got married. D, B and Hannah flew to my wedding so Hannah could be a bridesmaid. We still get together for holidays, summer barbeques or whatever occasions feel right. I have since gone on to give birth to another child. Im delighted in noting that this experience has only brought the families even closer. I chose D and B as my babyҒs godparents, and Hannah loves having a younger sibling to get to know. [/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman]The best part is watching my son with Hannah. They adore each other and are very close. I love that my son can refer to Hannah as his sister, and talk about her naturally and without question. I simply could not have asked for a better family.Ӕ[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman] [/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman]As Hannah and my bond continues to evolve, more gifts and rewards present themselves, sometimes unexpectedly. I often describe our relationship as very relaxed and authentic. Neither mother nor daughter feel they have to act a certain way when in one anothers company. I attribute this security to the strength and beauty of our open adoption. [/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman] ғOne of my favorite things about open adoption is that Hannah has never had to question whether or not I love her. She has grown up seeing my love firsthand. And I have been able to see with my own eyes, over and over, that Hannah is loved and cared for beyond comprehension.[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman] [/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman]And so, our journey continues.[/FONT]
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