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I'm a single man, just applying to adopt an older child (6-10 yrs) from Eastern Europe, working with a reputable agency. I'm feeling both exhilarated & scared. I know it won't be all sweetness and light; I realize older children come with challenges. But, after reading some of these forums & also doing other research, I seem to be encountering a lot of nightmare scenarios - violent behaviors, suicide attempts, & challenges so overwhelming the adoptive parents sought disruptions. Like I said --- scary, especially because the advance medical and psychological reports from Eastern Europe, range from sketchy to non-existent, so it's hard to know what to prepare for. I have a lot of love and affection and can provide a good, stable home. But I want to do what's best for the child and myself. At the same time, I've also come across a few stories in which children, adopted when they were older, have turned out quite wonderful. Quite honestly, I need to hear more of those. So --- have any of you who have adopted older children from Eastern Europe got any positive success stories for me? Stories in which the children adapted fairly well/quickly into your families without major behavioral challenges?
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My six year old is doing very well, though he does have some minor issues and has only been home six months. My friend adopted two boys from a not so good orphanage at the ages of 10 and 11 and I just watched both of them (now 14 and 15) receive numerous awards at the school awards ceremony. She said there were some tough times the first year, but they have done incredibly well. They are both honor roll students, good in athletics and great kids.
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I think I am an older child adoption success story. I adopted four teenage boys in 2006 and after one year I can say that I am very happy. My older boys were about as old as they can get and still be adopted internationally but things having been going smoothly and the bonding has been great. The kids seem to have no more troubles than any teenager might have and that is in spite of living with a single dad in a foreign culture and having to deal with a new language. Actually, when I look at the transition they have had to make, I am amazed and very proud of their progress. The boys are very happy to be here and having a family after 10 years in an orphanage has been beyond their dreams. I have seen their self esteem grow and I think they will have a very good life now compared to what they might have had before. Pete, pop to four great kids.
Hi, we adopted Natasha in Kazakhstan when she was 6.5. We still have a honeymoon. At the beginning it was very hard. An orphanage child is wild, disobedient and stubborn. Natasha was not an exception.But a lot of love and patience have done miracles. 99% of this behavior is gone. She is a real angel. She knows she belongs to us. We are family. She tells us she loves us very much several times a day.Again, a lot of love, patience and understanding will pay off. It will be difficult for you as a single man to adopt. Frankly the agencies don't favor the single men. There are a lot of sad stories going on about single men adopting. I wish you much luck.
I am an older child adoption success story -- I guess. I was placed in my adoptive home at 7 years old after spending 2 years in the foster care system. I was taken from my bio family because of neglect and abuse. That was over 30 years ago. My father would say that I was not the easiest child to raise but I think I was a pretty typical teenager. No real rebellions, no real depression (until I was an adult), straight A student, successful in college, never fried from a job, independent, and a mom. I love my adoptive family. Older child adoptions can be successful. Samantha
Remember that there are children in foreign orphanages who at one time lived with families who loved them very much and are healthy kids, just life happens and they end up in an orphanage. If one or more of the parents are killed, end up unemployed, etc. they just cannot care for their children. Not all children are in orphanages because they were abused or neglected. It is possible to adopt a healthy, loved child...but how often you can find that child is another question :) We have friends who adopted 6 & 7 year old brothers from Russia. She said it has been very difficult but the boys had gone from a home where they were neglected to an orphanage where they were neglected, but in a pack of other neglected kids. She said they have improved tremendously, but it was/is a journey not for the weak at heart. good luck to you Karla
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We adopted 2 older kids from Russia. They are doing great. We do see counselors for support, tutors to catch up academically...but all in all, doing very well. Here is our video... [url=http://www.youtube.com/debmomof5]YouTube - debmomof5's Channel[/url] and our blog... [url=http://www.adoptioncoach.wordpress.com]Adoption Highway[/url] Debbie Mumm
Ukraine can be a good country for anyone contemplating adoption of older children. Ukraine borders on Russia, Belorussia and is populated by pretty the same people (Caucasian). For more information on adoption from Ukraine and success stories of those who adopted from Ukraine, please, PM or email me adoptionsurrogacy@gmail.com
Hi - I'm new here but wanted to share my older child story with you, since its an encouraging one. My son was adopted from Russia when he was 6 years old and is now an adult (he was adopted in the mid 1990's at the very beginning of adoption from Russia). He has done very well and adopting him was the best thing I could ever have done, even though he required huge amounts of time and attention and the beginning wasn't always easy. He was always very connected to people and has gotten along socially well, but was dyslexic so school was a challenge. (The first few months he was here he had a lot of tantrums because of all the changes in his life and the frustration with language, but he always had a sense of humor and was always affectionate.) I think one of the main issues I'd look at is how the child you are planning to adopt gets along with others in the children's home. Although some children have such significant problems that its almost impossible to connect with them, I think many others are able to bond and do well. I'd try very hard to keep stress low when s/he gets here and try to have a translator in place. And I'd be prepared to keep my sense of humor, and meditate to stay calm! I'd be happy to talk more about with you if you'd like - feel free to private message me. Good luck and hello to everyone here. Ellie
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Hi, We were choosing between Russia and Ukraine and finally we chose Ukraine as a country of adoption as the process goes faster there and it is cheaper to adopt from Ukraine than from Russia. We have adopted twice from Ukraine: we adopted a sibling group aged 6 and 8 in 2009 and in 2011 we adopted another siblings aged 8 and 11. In general I can say that kids are very thankful and definitely love us. We do sometimes have issues with their misbehavior but I cannot rate it as pathological. The most difficult period for both us and the kids was the first six months after adoption which was caused mostly by the language barrier. We are successfully overcoming it now and I have noticed that the older one is picking up English faster than the other kids. Another thing that we had to fight was their not being accustomed to do the basic things like doing the dishes after they eat, cleaning their rooms and chars like that. As our facilitator explains orphanage kids do not usually do that in orphanages which causes some minor problems when kids get into family environment. We have learned from our adoption facilitator that now Ukraine has a very good alternative to orphanages which is HFT (Home of Family Type). Here is what our facilitator wrote me about HFT: Homes of Family Type are formed by spouses who wish to bring up orphaned/abandoned kids. Ukrainian government allots lodging to such families and pay them monthly salary for each orphan they take into their family. Each family has at least 6 orphans. Such foster parents take kids from orphanages and childrens shelters into their Homes of Family Type. In practice they are trying to select the best kids (most diligent, obedient, helpful, friendly and so on). So this is a substantial advantage of HFT. Another big advantage of HFT is that Unlike orphanages, HFTs offer kids a true family environment: kids live in normal houses, get individual attention and care from their foster parents, have family responsibilities and do their chars, go to school, are involved in sport activity in other words they live normal family life which cures them of institualization syndrome which causes the major problems in cases of international adoption (especially in case of adoption of older children). So kids from Homes of Family Type are much better adapted to family life and they also want to get their forever families just like kids from orphanages as unfortunately HFTs care for kids only until they turn 18 and after that kids are left to their own devices. All the kids who stay in HFT are available for domestic (Ukrainian) adoption and can be available for international adoption too which requires some additional paperwork and permission of local authorities. Our facilitator says that the best way to adopt such kids is to host them first which gives prospective adoptive families an opportunity to see if kids are able to fit into their families and get some personal experience with them to be able to make a decision on adoption. So if there are any adoption agencies or prospective adoptive families interested in such option, please PM me. I will be glad to provide any interested entity with contact info of our facilitator. Cathy.
