AA adopting/fostering outside race

Sugar and Spice, your baby is absolutely gorgeous! I think you have a little model on your hands. LOL! And yes, you are right, I do have many questions about things I can't understand. But ya know, I think I actually already know the answers as to "why" people say the things they say or do the things they do, but it's just upsetting to me, and I guess I WANT to find out WHY someone feels that way. I guess I hope that someone can explain it to me in a way that does not make me feel like my child is less than. When I told my family about my plan to adopt and that I was open to any race but it was very likely that I would get an AA child because there are more AA children in the system. I heard the comments such as, "Oh, why don't you adopt one of those cute Chinese babies." Or "What about a biracial baby?" Those things just cut me to the core. As if anything else was more worthy or more desirable. And you know what? That hurts. For those of you who want these conversations to stop because you are colorblind. Maybe you should continue being blind and stay away from the issue. But don't ever make me feel like I can't be hurt from those comments. Don't make me feel like it's OKAY to ignore these things and hope they go away. Don't make me into the "skin color obsession." Because here in AMERICA. Where I live and my children live, race matters. I have the option of lifting my kids up and having them celebrate their differences and also acknowledging our differences in a positive way, rather than pretending to be color blind because it's too uncomfortable to talk about. Racism IS a problem. Luckily its not one that I have to face everyday and I live a rather normal life contrary to what some here believe as if I sit up each night pondering how and or when I can talk about skin color again because I'm so obsessed with it. Until I see people represented equally in the work force, Television, movies, toys, prisons, crime victims, coloring books, books, and much more...color does matter. It matters to me when I turn on the TV and don't see beautiful people who look like my children. It affects me when I hear stories of police brutality and abuse where innocent black men are killed. It affects me when people make their snide remarks about blacks and how they get the most welfare or this or that. I affects me when people think they can make jokes that reference blacks as monkeys and claim they had no idea it's offensive. Gee, I sure wish I had the ability to pretend it does not bother me, but it does. When I look at my kids I can't for a minute understand how there are people out there who think they are not desirable. Honestly, they are missing out. And to answer your question Wizard of Oz, what am I doing about racism? Well, I speak about it. I don't let anything slide. I call it out. I take war with it. That is what I do and what I will always do. How can a problem be fixed if people don't accept there is a problem? No one here is obsessed with anything except wanting all children to be happy. They deserve that. That is my job in life. I want my kids world to be the best world it can be. It's okay for me to feel anger and hurt towards what I see in the world. I can't imagine being color blind in such a beautifully colored world. That would be so sad. I'm so glad I see in color.

The baby is very cute. :-) Interesting how a majority can feel free to indicate they feel just fine with their colorblind view. Very amusing. Awareness of (or more so being obsessed with) race issues and its fall-out is not a necessity anymore. I guess if I was dismissive as to the right of Israelis being lawful citizens of Israel that would be a problem. Maybe saying that the Holocaust is all in your mind, I do not see that since I was not in Germany/Poland and so on, at that time. How about, get over it, I am Black and deal with my problems, so what's your issue, and so on. How would one feel if that was said about their history, heritage, their children's future? How would one of the Jewish faith feel for the most part. But then again I studied that time period, respect, and have empathy as to what went on to another human being. I can at least say to another minority, yes I understand where you are coming from. Asian, Latino, another person of color. It's called respecting where that person is coming from, and where they want to go. However, it is no surprise to me that a person reared with a majority POV will feel that way, keep on with rewriting how people of color should feel, and react. I am not buying the colorblind title one bit. One can be race conscious without being racist, or obsessed, AND progressive as well. Read up on the history, and respect the history.. to be a part of progression, one must acknowledge reality. Many have worked hard, in a conscious maner, which is why we are where we are now.

Read and educate yourself: Men of grace, class, intelligence, and fortitude, who still spoke out aganst inequality. Men who were still successful, and touched all people. Dr King:[URL="http://mlk-kpp01.stanford.edu/"]King Institute Home[/URL] The recent passing away of John Hope Franklin, note the bolded part.. the date:[URL="http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/03/25/AR2009032502185.html"]Pioneering historian John Hope Franklin dies at 94 - washingtonpost.com[/URL]He often regarded his country like an exasperated relative, frustrated by racism's stubborn power, yet refusing to give up. "I want to be out there on the firing line, helping, directing or doing something to try to make this a better world, a better place to live," Franklin told The Associated Press in 2005. In November, after Barack Obama broke the ultimate racial barrier in American politics, Franklin called his ascension to the White House "one of the most historic moments, if not the most historic moment, in the history of this country."

Incredibly well stated. I agree completely.

Sabaglio, Nickchris and Steph-Jason: Thank you! You can't imagine how many times people say that to me :) BethanyB: I think I can understand how you feel. My family and friends said the same thing before Julia was born. My sister told me "Why don't you adopt a Mexican or Puerto Rican baby some of them look black or biracial." A member of my old church said "Ethiopian babies are so cute are you going to adopt from there?" Although their attitudes have changed tremendously, I still wonder "would they treat my daughter differently if she 'looked Black'"

She is photogenic. :-) Sugarandspice67, is your family treating the baby differently because of her race?

Nickchris: They were a bit "nervous" about it but now that she's here and they LOVE her! My family had said a few negetive/racist comments in the past but I quickly nipped it in the bud before she could understand them. I left my church mainly because it was 98% Black and I want Julia to be around other Asian-Americans. We now go to a church that about 40% Asian, 50% Caucasian and 10% "other".

My son was recently called Asian based slurs because of the shape of his eyes, such ignorance. However, who can resist her face. :-) It is interesting with the doner thing. I find a lot of misconceptions about adoption in general, much less Embryo donation. I would be surprised myself to find many Black donors too. Hey post an update once in a while when you can.

Yeah, my family was the same way sugar and spice. They never made any outright racist remarks but it's those subtle ones that weigh on your mind. My family totally adores my children. There are a few family members who continued to say questionable things to me and I no longer speak to them. I was never super close to them anyway so it's not a big deal. It hurts to know that family thinks that way but I had to brush them off. I only want positive people in our lives. Your daughter is gorgeous. Makes me want another baby!

How about getting off my case a bit? I've already established the fact that I'm from a different country, different culture, thus have a different outlook and different experiences from you. I stand by my statement, that I'm "colorblind" in that the color of a person's skin is completely of no interest to me, however their attitude greatly matters to me. Is that so difficult to comprehend? I wasn't even going to post in this forum anymore, but I am simply FLOORED that you just can't let go. You have offended and insulted me enough. I will not come back to this forum, nor answer any more post from here. Happy now?

I try to stay out of these discussions, but I just wanted to make a small point. I don't think that we are talking about the same things when saying "I am colorblind" or "I see color". In the first instance, people are trying to do what MLK was working on back in the day: Trying to judge people based on the "content of their character" rather than the color of their skin. That is what we want in general, isn't it? The avoidance of racial stereotyping? And by saying "I see color" others are saying that they see and celebrate the beauty and difference between black and white and are not trying to hide it under the rug and paint everyone with the same brush.

Personally, I was not talking to you, yet again. However, I found you insulting as well. In the future if you or anyone else have a huge problem with my comments, let's not stir up drama.. PM me. Oceanica:

Regarding the colorblind aspect, there are many articles out there that discuss the difference between color blind and color conscious. My issue is with people who use it as a tool to not address race, as in denial. As for MLK messages back when, he spoke of quite a bit, and was considered a controversial person back when.

Wow....I went to your blog last night and would never imagined reading all 31 pages in one night....I stayed up till 2 am...I was addicted to your blog. It helped me so much...I am a single AA woman that is very interested in the adopting/fostering program. Thanks again...I bookmarked you as my favorite.

I'm a single AA mom. When I was finishing my homestudy, I said I would foster a child of any race. If I bonded with a non-AA child, I absolutely would adopt him or her. If I adopted only, I would only pick AA boys (even though, like Makarios, I wanted girls). I also have 4 boys. Black boys being on the bottom of the totem pole is maddening. We do have to help our own; everyone else has done it.

Millie, I agree with you 100%. This thread is so old, so I'm not really even commenting on the topic... more to express just how much my heart is YEARNING for a son right now. I started the adoption process and really wanted a DD... and now have the most beautiful chicklet on the planet. I've always wanted 2 kids and always imagined it would be 2 girls (like in the household I grew up in...) But wow, out of no where all I want is a son! I'm not in the positiion to start the adoption process for #2, but I think about it (and talk about it) everyday. Was even thinking yesterday I should start the process and hopefully won't be presented with a situation for at least a year. I dunno... It's heartbreaking the dilemma our little boys are facing... I guess I just wanted to chime in to acknowledge that I'm aware of the situation and that I hope to one day be able to bring my future AA son home.