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I was thinking about this question a few days ago. In my open adoption it's not just me and my husband, the birthfather who are involved and who play an active role in our son's life. My parents do as well as my brother.
How about in your situation? Aside from yourself who else in the birthfamily is involved?
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No, she knows my 'history' - so she's never asked - I don't know if thats because she is worried she'll hurt my feelings, or if its because she gets it - I think its most likely because she gets it - her mom is fantastic and has made every effort to not hide ANYTHING from M, ever. Some family is just not worth having...
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Thanks for sharing Brandy. I'm just not sure how to handle questions from T, if they ever arise, as to why Chad's family doesn't want to see him. I suppose I'll be honest with him, as it's appropriate, that they feel it would be "too hard" on them. His mom and I will have that conversation at some point in time because I'm not sure if they have ever asked or I have ever told them why they don't want to be involved. It still angers me and my heart hurts for Chad and Thomas.
I think you HAVE to be honest. I have never ever talked badly about my family to her - its not my place to mold her opinion of them. But I think she has seen how they treat me and she's picked up on things. I think I'd stick with, "They aren't emotionally ready to build a relationship" - I dunno. Like I said - some people :D
Yes you are right about the honesty. I would also try very hard to not let my harsh feelings for his parents to come through when speaking about their choices. I believe that one day they will have to explain their choices to him. I hope that day comes, and not out of spite, but I really think they owe that to T. They have had every opportunity to be involved in his life.
Anyways, yeah, some people eh?!
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Brandy,
You know I haven't, however I doubt they'd read it anyways. They are the type of people who don't speak of their feelings and who like to avoid such topics. I wish I could talk with them about how important it is for T to know them and for them to be a steady part of his life. Instead though they focus on their pain and their needs.
But, you know, any ideas on how to slip in a book on open adoption without it being a totally uncomfortable silent moment? ;) Might just have to be uncomfortable....
[FONT="Century Gothic"]I would like them to. Only because it is my brother and we have a really good relationship now. I know that they understand about adoption since I have a neice who is about 16 and is being raised in the South but they have a closed adoption. So I try not to bring up the fact that I get pictures and visits when they don't.
I know at the moment that I don't want B to have any contact with them. Just some things I know that he has done.[/FONT]
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Leigh - you mentioned not talking about the fact that you get pictures, etc and your bro and sister in law don't. Do you think they hold some resentment or jealousy towards you because of this? Have they ever said or done anything to show they feel this way? I do understand not talking about it alot though, it's hard to not feel like you are rubbing it in their faces, so to speak.
I am sensitive with feelings and I don't want them to feel bad. They have seen pictures of her. Especially after my breakdown on the phone with them a few years ago and when they came to my grandparents for Thanksgiving they wanted to see pictures. But since then they moved and I haven't seen them.
Ours is a bit skewed... what with S (amom) being Jeff's half sister and all. We're involved and Jeff's family is as well, even Jeff's mom and her family though she's not blood-related to S (nor married to S and Jeff's dad any more). Honestly sometimes it feels like the rest of Jeff's family is more involved than we are.We're (well at least I'm) hoping that once Jeff and I get our relationship on stable footing with S & L that we'll be able to involve my parents, possibly my sister and my grandparents.
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It's just me in contact with Finleigh's parents at this point.
I know they want my family involved... there's an open invitation for them to see Finleigh when they're in town. (My folks and siblings live four hours away.)
My father doesn't want to be involved. He's seen pictures... he was there when I was in labor but left an hour before she was born.
My maternal grandparents who live here want some contact. I know my grandmother would love to see her. I hope she can.
Neither possible birthfather or their families is involved or has seen Finleigh.
Krystal -
Do you have any plans for the family members you mentioned to visit with Finleigh and her family in the near future?
I'm sorry your dad isn't open to visits. Does he find it too painful?
How about your mom?
Sorry for all the questions. Tell me to butt out if I'm being too nosey.