Being "found"....

I have always thought about posting my adoption reunion story here...it has just taken awhile to process it enough to sit down and share it. I have known I was adopted all of my life. My parents never hid anything from me, answered all of my questions and told me that is I ever wanted to search, they would help any way they could. I never had a burning desire as a teenager or young adult to look. Nor did I ever experience feeling any type of "not fitting in". After I married and was pregnant with my second child, my OBGYN asked me a question regarding a shot that my bmom may have had that could have implications on woman in my age bracket. Well of course I told him my standard doctor office response. I was adopted and had no knowledge of my medical history. That started me thinking that night about the possibility of obtaining my medical history. I did a computer search and came upon this website. I thought, I will go ahead and leave all of my information although I understood the odds were slim that anything wuld ever come of it. That was in 2003. My son was born in March 2004 and I forgot all about my registry. Fast forward to May 23, 2006. I was at work, staying late to take care of some business when an email comes though. It was from man stating that he and his sister were looking for his niece who was born the same day as me. He gave the hospital name which was not the same as mine, and said they had been searching for a very long time. I emailed him back stating that I was not born at that hospital and I was probably not the person they were looking for. As soon as I had hit the send button, another email came though saying that he had the wrong hospital after talking to his sister and that it was the same hospital I was born at. Needless to say, I was a bit skeptical. After exchanging a few emails back and forth, I asked the one question that I KNEW would be the way to tell if this was on the level. I asked for my full name (first and middle) at birth. The email came back and when I opened it and saw "Dawn Elyce" I fell out of my chair. Literally. This was my uncle and birthmother, without a doubt. I got another frantic email in the time it took me to compose myself saying, that was your name wasn't it? This is her! So he gave me his phone number and I called. Much of that first conversation was a blur. I remember him telling me my bmoms name, my bfathers name, that I had no siblings on my bmoms side, she had remarried and divorced but everything else....blur. He had J online while he was talking to me. He told me that he had searched hundreds of adoption websites for me and came to a.com for the very first time that day. And there I was. We talked for quite some time and I was given Js phone number. We spoke for the first time about a week later (time difference and two kids made it impossible to call that night) and i remember her picking up the phone and when I told her it was me I could hear her say "just breathe". She lost touch with my bfather after she told him she was pregant. He made a point to walk away. That was his decision and he was young. Am I angry about it? No. Am I disappointed? A little. At least I know I got my mothers fortitude. I found out that J was 19 when she got pregnant, her mother had passed away when J was 13 and she had lived on her own at 18. Her brother, my Uncle J, who was 16 was living with her. J never told anyone about her pregnancy and my uncle did not even know she was pregnant until the day she went into labor and he had to drive her to the hospital. She never told a soul. And to this day, the only person that knows about me in her family is my uncle J. I hope one day that she will be able to tell her father and her other sisters and brothers, but that is a choice that it totally hers. I decided to meet her face to face so we met in Florida in October 2006. The first meeting was surreal. There was not a doubt that this woman was my mother. Our features were identical. The visit was short, only 3 days and there was such newness there that I did not press any of the millions of questions that I had in my head. When I came home, life took over and our contact has been very few and far between. Maybe she is experiencing a pull back, I am not sure. but I have continued to send cards and emails, calls and letters, just to let her know that this is a door that is wide open should she decide to step through it, Right now it is more like she is standing at the doorway but will not cross that threshhold. I am blessed that we were brought together. After she found me, it was like I found something that I never knew I was looking for. I still am riding this reunion rollercoaster of emotions daily and I still struggle with it. But I know that I was brought to this path for a reason, and I will continue to try to explore this relationship. I am so very thankful that J made the decision that she did (and it was truelly her decision) and I am thankful to have her as a part of my life. And my story will, I hope, be continued~