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Hi,My family of four has been matched with 2 girls through our state's special needs adoption program. We met them a few weeks ago, and have been having visits every weekend with them. The visits always go pretty well and we all seem to like each other :-) Anyway the girls had a visit with their bio mom and told their mom about their visits with us.... then the mom used the stories & twisted them & added lies and then called the county foster worker! Our state worker said not to worry, and she is going to talk to the girls this week, and the visit for next weekend is still 'on.' The bio mom really wants the girls back, and I think TPR is going to start in a few weeks (after the girls move in with us.) It is expected to go to trial; the mom will contest the TPR. I don't know yet if visits will continue with bio mom once the girls move in with us (scheduled to happen in mid-August.) I read some other posts on this forum about waiting for TPR to go through, and I'm wondering, since the mom is already trying to make my family look bad, will she be allowed to spread these lies during the TPR trial? Or is the TPR process and trial only going to be about her ability to raise the girls? Thanks!Julie
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Hi Becki,Thanks for your reply. I also got good support from the state worker yesterday, who will talk to the girls today. We don't know yet if the girls were making up stories and/or if the mom just twisted things, but luckily the girls do have a good rapport with the state worker. The state worker said that she thinks they like our family and want to be with us, but they are torn because they feel like they are betraying their mom if they tell her that they like us. Thanks again for your support, and have a happy & safe 4th of July.Julie
I think part of what you are asking is if mom will be able to tell a court her "concerns" about you. No, they will not be asking her anything at all about you - the trial for TPR is a separate process from choosing an adoptive family - so the TPR is JUST about whether or not SHE can raise the kids. After the TPR, then a decision is made about who gets to adopt, and she'll have no voice in that whatsoever.
Ditto on Stevenstwin's answer about TPR. Your name never comes up and nobody discusses you. It's not about you.I wouldn't worry too much about what the bmom says. The social workers are pretty savvy, and they know the games that bparents play when they're under the gun. (A DSS social worker who expects respondent parents to always tell the truth is pretty darn naive!!) The hardest thing for you, I bet, is that the bmom is going to try and get the girls to declare loyalty to her by rejecting you. Have you talked with the social workers and /or therapists about this? Seems to me that most important message you can give the kids is that they can have two moms and two dads, and love them all. They can even love them all a lot, and that is okay. That will be the total opposite of the message the bmom is sending out, but I think it is the most important message any of us fparents can give our kids to ensure their future happiness.
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leca- I actually got my kids 4 months before TPR. They 'plan' to TPR in October and we had visits well before and then they were placed with us for the intention that we are going to adopt them. See, in our state, for the process to move right from TPR to adoption they have to have the family picked out and it is easier for a foster family that has already had them to make the process move more quickly.
Don't worry, the bio mom is trying to cause issues because she doesnt want to admit to herself that she will be losing her children. It is normal for them to blame others than to focus on what they need to do different.
leca
Wow, learn something every day. Thanks for explaining.