Nightmares

hi christie... I know what you mean. After our first failed adoption, I felt like I was in a fog. I could hear the baby crying even when everything around me was silent. Sleeping was difficult for me, too. There are probably dozens of things you could try, but for me it just took time for the feelings to subside. It's been a year now, and the pain is still there in some way. Lean on your spouse, family, and friends for support... Good luck!

Sounds like anxiety. Can you try zoloft after a visit to the Dr.? I am not sure if ativan would work for sleep problems and it is addictive I heard, but zoloft is good for anxiety and is used long term without addiction for some people.

Thank you sweetjanes and lonni. I should have added that I have been called to jury duty and I feel like I am just so sick of the judicial system and do not want to have any part in it. I have been to court, been on the stand, gone through heck - I don't want to do any more. It is such a sick, corrupt system that I do not believe in it any more. I have not been allowed to provide the truth in court and no longer believe the truth even has anything to do with it. I do not want to go to court. I do not want to be on a jury. I do not believe in the judicial system and do not want to be a part of it. I have BEEN to court in my own case and it was a sham. A farce. An injustice. It makes me sick thinking about being a juror.

Christie, maybe the jury duty is a emotional "trigger" like people have with PTSD from trauma.

Yes, Christie, I experienced nightmares through our contested adoption. I still do on occasion. I agree with Lonni. Could be a form of PTSD??

Hi Christie, I have had dreams that freacked me out (As I have told you). I have so much going through my brain on a daily basis that when I can sit and start to think about all the bad things happening I can have nightmares while I am awake. Normally caused by anger and frustration. I heard: Anger turned inward is depression Anger turned outward is violence So what do you do with it if you have to much? I think try to find humor anywhere you can until what is causing the anger has passed. Nightmares to me always meant that a good dream had tremendous fear introduced to it. Fears which would be of the unknown. I have no future until the present is resolved. All I have is today and struggle each day to remember that it is enough.It is all I can ask for and thank GOD that HE has given it to me again,so I can pray for it again tomorrow. We are now into the 7th month of 07 and next week our angel will be 9 yrs old. If I lost her tomorrow it is 9 yrs of my life that I will never forget and am proud that she also will never forget. Always wishing you peace, GOD BLESS

Sorry I've been a little absent ....you must be letting out your pain at night because you have to hold it together during the day. Walking that fine line must really do your head in. You are angry, so angry and sad and no matter how much you work to change things, you don't get anywhere. It must be hell. There are a few of us who have had our own adoption hell and I know some people are stronger than others. I was strong but my PTSD is coming out now because I'm literally paranoid that I'm destroying the adoption by being clingy to his Mom. I'm sure it won't happen and I am pushing her away. I know how sensitive she is and sometimes I come on too strong. Then hang up the phone miserable, angry at myself and paranoid that she's going to see right through me and run to another couple. Yeah there were days way back when I was so sweetly naive about adoption. I look back on those days and cringe and yet I wish I would have just gone from those feelings into an adoption. I see other women and men all over this site who have never had to deal with a contested adoption, or multiple failed adoptions or whatever and I'm just beating myself up. God knows I had no control over it, but now I do have control and we are speaking every day, several times a day. I always mess up ...I'm not working and she calls me just as much but lately I just go on and on out of nervous anxiety. I am taking Ativan but when I'm really bad it doesn't help. Christie you are so strong. But night terrors are serious manifestations of deep deep trauma. You have got to get some counseling and medication. In my opinion when we are that bad one won't work without the other. As for me, I"m going to look inside myself and with only two fr-ggin weeks to go just hold it together and not call and talk and talk and probably say way too much. She's lovely and fragile and I"m like a bull in a china shop and that's the last thing she needs and the very last thing I need right now. I don't know why reading your post made me feel some kinship. I guess it's just that feeling of "ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh let me out of here" And let me tell you, you have night terrors, I am paranoid. I think its the same thing. We hold our breath in fear and waiting for the other shoe to drop. How is your relationship with your child now? Have you been able to bond better or are you stlll holding a little back out of fear? You wrote that a while back so I don't know how things are now. HANG IN THERE AND GET SOME DRUGS, SERIOUSLY. :hypno: Loads of love, G.

Sorry I've been a little absent ....you must be letting out your pain at night because you have to hold it together during the day. Walking that fine line must really do your head in. You are angry, so angry and sad and no matter how much you work to change things, you don't get anywhere. It must be hell. There are a few of us who have had our own adoption hell and I know some people are stronger than others. I was strong but my PTSD is coming out now because I'm literally paranoid that I'm destroying the adoption by being clingy to his Mom. I'm sure it won't happen and I am pushing her away. I know how sensitive she is and sometimes I come on too strong. Then hang up the phone miserable, angry at myself and paranoid that she's going to see right through me and run to another couple. Yeah there were days way back when I was so sweetly naive about adoption. I look back on those days and cringe and yet I wish I would have just gone from those feelings into an adoption. I see other women and men all over this site who have never had to deal with a contested adoption, or multiple failed adoptions or whatever and I'm just beating myself up. God knows I had no control over it, but now I do have control and we are speaking every day, several times a day. I always mess up ...I'm not working and she calls me just as much but lately I just go on and on out of nervous anxiety. I am taking Ativan but when I'm really bad it doesn't help. Christie you are so strong. But night terrors are serious manifestations of deep deep trauma. You have got to get some counseling and medication. In my opinion when we are that bad one won't work without the other. As for me, I"m going to look inside myself and with only two fr-ggin weeks to go just hold it together and not call and talk and talk and probably say way too much. She's lovely and fragile and I"m like a bull in a china shop and that's the last thing she needs and the very last thing I need right now. I don't know why reading your post made me feel some kinship. I guess it's just that feeling of "ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh let me out of here" And let me tell you, you have night terrors, I am paranoid. I think its the same thing. We hold our breath in fear and waiting for the other shoe to drop. How is your relationship with your child now? Have you been able to bond better or are you stlll holding a little back out of fear? You wrote that a while back so I don't know how things are now. HANG IN THERE AND GET SOME DRUGS, SERIOUSLY. :hypno: Loads of love, G.

Thank you daddysangel. You have so much insight and wisdom for me. We both need the present to resolve because it keeps our futures in question. And yes, I struggle through each day as well but you always help to bring me some peace. lonni and joskids - I had not really put the two together, but you may be right. The thought of having to go through any more court anything has probably been a trigger for me. Also, daddysangel, sweetjanes, joskids, Stormster - thank you for sharing your own experiences about this with me so that I know I am not alone. I'm sorry we have all experienced this. I am grateful we can share it and support each other through it. Stormster - you have been through so much. I pray for you. No wonder you are having a tough time through the waiting period. My love and prayers are with you. Stormster, you said "But night terrors are serious manifestations of deep deep trauma." and I agree. Understand that there are things which I can not post because this is a public forum. I can not state, without fear, what, if any help I should be getting - only know that I do have a support network and am getting support where needed. *Out of necessity I must state that I am not in need of medication or counseling - because that could be used against me in this litigation.* But I am supported by friends, you guys, and others. You guys are a lifeline for me. Thank you. :wings: ChristieS

You are so worried and want only to protect your son, and that is so obvious in every posting. My heart continues to go out to you. I agree with daddysangel 100%. Saying if he lost his daughter tomorrow that would be 9 years of memories, and much, much love he would never forget and neither would his precious angel. That time is something no birth parent can ever get back or take from you! I know that does not ease your pain. You always should keep in mind your son is at the best place he can be for all the years you have had him, and he continues to be with you. He could not be in a better place, with a better mommy!! Its only natural to have all this pent up anger, frustration, and just emotional feelings because you just love him so much!! Sometimes the pain is just so heartful. Please keep posting - I know this forum helped me when I was feeling my worst- just reading the postings kept me spiritually uplifted...and remember hope and faith...never did I dream I would make it to the other side...and I thank God everyday that our prayers were answered. Nobody can tell you not to worry, or not to get so stressed, its just too hard. Please just know you are doing everything you possibly can for your son, and the most important thing is now he is getting stability, caring, and just tons and tons of love - and for now that is the most important!!! You are giving him a life he would not have known if not for you- I know God is watching...and I continue to pray for you and your family!!

WOW!!!! Live,Love,Listen,Learn,Be sad,Be mad,Be happy,Have faith,let it slip and regain it. Get knocked down-Get back up. Life Sorry sometimes when something is said it hits me hard and I ramble. I can take Stacykellys quote and apply it to my parents and being a parent. Remember Christie :cowboy: GOD BLESS

Christie: If you write the judge and state that you are currently involved in litigation and are concerned that you might encounter your own counsel, opposing counsel, or the presiding judge and you might feel pressured to vote in support of them -- you will most likely be released from jury duty. (I would not put in the part about the corrupt liars. Even though it is true, it puts them in a snit.)

MamaS - I do anticipate the possibility of bringing my own case before this judge in the next 9 - 12 months. I had not thought of that but it is a good idea and one which might help. Thank you. StacyKelly2 - my dear sweet friend. You have such insight and give so much support to me and others. I ALWAYS appreciate your posts. Okay daddysangel - I LOVE it when you remind me of who I am! :cowboy: That is my new "person" and thank you for helping me remember this. You guys are my touchstone and give me so much. May God bless me with the ability to give back.

Yes I know what you mean. I almost feel like I can't give my all in the faith dept, for any other kids I adopt because I am so scared I will lose them. Every call from the lawyer I jump, almost like why are you calling me. I wish the US will change their adoption laws