How do you grow thick skin?

I don't know that you ever get past it not "bothering" you. It probably always will to some degree. But when that child you're waiting for comes home, the happiness begins again and what everyone else thinks takes a backseat to what your family believes in. Best wishes.

All I know to do is to move forward. As we consider adding another child to our family, we've gotten alot of "don't you think it's time to (insert whatever, all having to do with NOT adding to our family) ..." DH will be 53 next month, I'm 39, our kiddos are 3 and 1. Our family may be complete as it is, but it doesn't feel like it is at this point. We're keeping our options open for a couple more years. Yes, DH and I both have friends our age who are grandparents. So what? This is how our family worked out. We married later in life, then struggled through infertility and into an adoption decision. THat's just how things worked out for us. I'm not sure if it is so much about getting thicker skin (which I think is impossible when you're talking about something so personal as having or adding to your family) but in knowing what is right for your family, and not letting the sometimes thoughtless remarks of others trying to make sense of your situation change what you know. Some just can't make sense of a "world" that differs from their own. Too bad for them...

Both joskids and blessedbybug are right. You have to live your life because it is your life. I too deal with the same issues you are going thru. Dh and I are going thu the issue that both sides of our family disagree with our decision because we are to old. My parents just became great grandparents. So in their minds because they are great grandparents there for we are to old to be parents again. Such nonsense. As much as you would love to have your families blessing and support you have to do what is right for your family. I wish you lots of luck and we are here for you.

Oh God LOVE you for posting this thread! I'm 45 and hubby is 50 and we've been getting all SORTS of responses... and have been since we started all of this when I was 43!!! I don't know how to get past it, not be hurt, toughen up... but I'd LOVE to join the "toughen up club" if you form one!!!:thanks: I swear I thought I was the "only" one!

Yeah....I think we started getting those 'too old' dumb comments when were were in our EARLY 40's!!!!! Should have REALLY heard those SAME folks when we said we'd just brought home our NEW BABY...and we both just turned FIFTY (four months later)!!!!!!! JUMPIN' JEHOSEPHAT!!!!! How HORRIBLE could we be!!!, ya know!?!?!?! Here's the thing, and we've been at this adoption thingy for a long, long time. (No, I'm NOT givin' myself callouses on my back from the patting either, okay?) BUT.....Live your life. BE you....and pay VERY CLOSE attention to those folks who say rude comments or stay quiet now. Because......I GUARANTEE....that in time, SOME of them will actually say to you, "Wow.......I SURELY wish WE'D thought of doing that back then!!!!!" It's in THOSE moments, you'll remember the 'hurt and irritation' you encountered from people who have NO clue what life's all about (oh yeah, I'm getting on the 'ol soapbox here).......... Believe me, it'll happen. And when it does, you'll smile. You'll smile quietly, of course....you'll be polite, of course....but honey, YOU'LL REMEMBER!!!! You'll be the one holding that new baby (or toddler, etc) in your arms when many of them will have only their Harley's to ride until their arthritis is so bad, they'll not be able to ride anymore!!!!!!!! Okay...it's late and I KNOW I'm REALLY gettin' the soapbox going now....so I'll quit! Sincerely, Linny

Thanks everybody. I appreciate it. I'm sure you're right.

Linny, I just LOVE YOU!!!

Ya just gotta love this answer!

Well Linny, we took baby K to church yesterday for the first time. We had a lot of those silent people not even come over and see him. I think I'm going from hurt :( to mad. :grr: It's their loss.

Becki: Sounds to me like it's time to find another church! BTDT...and we've not regretted it one time. We went from a church we were familiar with---where folks knew us well, to a church that has tons of adoptive families, tons of diversity and our children love it! Remember....it's not YOU or your baby....it's them. There will always be 'them'........so do what ya gotta do. The 'them's' of this world aren't worth dealing with. Sincerely, Linny

Becki, so sorry to hear your story about church. Please do look for another church. It's so important that your church family is a resource both spiritually and emotionally. Best wishes. Keep your head up and know you are doing God's work.

So sorry to hear this. Why is it sometimes in the place where the most support should be for a family, that you get the raw deal? Well... not every church is like that. I would be looking around if I were you. I serve (at least for the moment... that's a whole other story!!!!) as a Pastor to Children and Families and really, I find it appalling that a church wouldn't welcome a new little one in the midst. THat's not church.

I agree with all the other posters. I will be 42 this week, and hubby is 44. We have 3 children through adoption, and we are seriously considering adopting a 4th child as soon as we finalize our daughter's adoption, which should be soon. We get the comments, too. I know people mean well. I can do the math, and I know just how old we will be when our kiddos leave the nest. I would never even consider telling someone they are "too old" to be a parent. :)