Question for birthparents

I can understand your point,but I did not feel this thread was an appropriate place to give the full details. I just wanted to point out my views on blaming and respect. You would have to search back in failed and contested to get the full details of our case. Thanks

Let's think about his daughter. You don't think she is going to be more damaged being ripped from the only parents she has conciously known to be put with people she barely knows? "Innate connections" are not enough to reduce the trauma that would cause.

Personally I do not see that the OP even deserves a response. She has appearently made up her mind and is being inflammatory... I can't believe that anyone could be that ignorant to think her words would be taken any other way.

I felt like the post should have been pulled. if it was about any other part of the triad, except birthparents I have to wonder if it would have been. I am stunned.

You are wonderful to step up and give your dd/neice love and a happy home.A great example IMO!!!! I will try and read your story-after our FAMILY reunuion today-out of town!!!!!

Personally I do not see that the OP even deserves a response. She has appearently made up her mind and is being inflammatory... I can't believe that anyone could be that ignorant to think her words would be taken any other way.__________________Brenda RomanchikInsight: Open Adoption Resources & SupportReply With QuoteI am disapointed that the post was not pulled.If it was about any other part of the triad, except birthparents I have to wonder if it would have been. I am stunned.

I agree with you STRONGLY lonni..about this thread being pulled.

momof4or5, If you feel so strongly about what you said, and aren't afraid of the retort we have brought here, why don't you come back and 'defend' youself.

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think there is a lot of blame on parents here because a lot of birthmoms were minors when they became pregnant. I've not heard a single bmom say 'it was my parents fault I got pregnant' . Of course (except in rape cases) we had something to do with that.

There are people here whose parents DID force them to relinquish. If you've read the stories you can see that!

[/FONT] [FONT=Verdana]Lonni & Quantum:[/FONT] [FONT=Verdana]I too was raised by loving aparents, who are the only parents I've known, and they taught me about personal responsibility. Not saying the bmoms on this thread didn't believe in being responsible for their actions, but it's not fair ( imho) to expect your parents/family to help you raise your child unless they want to. [/FONT] [FONT=Verdana]Can you imagine raising three kids, working full-time, paying a mortgage, car note and trying to live the "Middle/Upper middle class dream"- and one of your kids announces: " I'm pregnant, and I want to keep my baby", and their young ( between 14-18 years old)? That's a lot to expect from people who had nothing to do with you getting pregnant. Everyone’s way of life changes: the college fund the parents saved for the kids is gone (because they have to pay for daycare and extra health insurance); family vacations are a thing of the past because the extra money used for vacation goes towards the baby. The retirement fund (401k) the parents have is gone and so is their dream of retirement and an easy life. [/FONT] [FONT=Verdana]In short, your parents are obligated /responsible for raising you and your siblings not you, your siblings, and your child[/FONT] [FONT=Verdana]Daddy'sangel:[/FONT] [FONT=Verdana]I think what the judge meant was if you had legally adopted your niece (years ago) you wouldn't be in the "mess" that you’re in now, and I'm truly sorry for that. [/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]-Manni28[/FONT]

Brmonchik - I'm not advocating anyone ripping the child from anyone's arms. I'm saying do what is right for the daughter - somehow make peace with the birthparents and sort this out without the courts being forced to make a decision one way or the other. This is like the biblical Solomen's child. Ann

I never said "expected" nor obligated by the natural Mother.You (meaning the FAMILY)either have a sense of "family helping family" to not suffer preventable horrible losses or you feel the family is NOT connected in crisis nor calm.

Sometimes you find the opposite end of the scale as you quoted. Instead of 'raising' the child they parents may threaten the daughter of being disowned. Neither situation is productive. Helping to support emotionally is the main thing. Would there still be adoptions? Sure.

I take issue with this. I never said ANYWHERE that I expected or wanted my parents to help me RAISE my child. I wanted mental support, I wanted to be able to TALK about what happened. Actually my parents did offer to raise my son BUT I did not want them to take on the burden. I also didn't want my son raised in the confusion that would have insued with his mother/sister (me) his grandparents/parents. It works for some, I wasn't willing to risk it. I'm just saying, please do not accuse people of saying something they didn't!

It appears to me that you are refering to a situation that you are familiar with. But one size does not fit all with unplanned pregnancies in families. I assure you that the case that you cite is not the case for thousands of families who are choosing to help their children raise their children rather than forcing adoption against their wishes. I guess that some parents do feel that their obligation stops at helping their children until they become parents themselves, regardless of the age of their children. I, however, do not feel that way and refused to accept the doom and gloom forecasted for my family by people who never walked in my shoes. Also, I am not sure why you think that the announcement "I am pregnant and want to keep my baby" necessarily means financial ruin for families. It does require some creativity and those who are frozen in old ways of thinking are probably going to have financial problems. For example, before my daughter finished school, my grandson, being resident in my household, qualified for my health insurance. Was it offered? Heck no - I had to ask and push for it with my employer. However, I was legally entitled to it. Cost to me? $0. My daughter fed and clothed her son and covered co-pays for checkups with a part-time job. Cost to me? 0$ We pieced together day care between us (in the evenings) and my daughter's former day-care mom (who was thrilled to have a 2nd generation baby to care for). Cost to me? Minimal and it is being paid back by my daughter. We have not touched our retirement, we still vacation every year including our annual trip to Europe, and look forward to a happy retirement, in which we can enjoy our intact family. We have also been insistent that our daughter be the parent, not us. I have seen cases where the grandparents step in and try to take parental authority away from their child. And then blame their child for not fulfulling responsibilities. Of course, I HAVE spent money on a boat-load of cute clothes (as most grandmothers do!:love: ). Happy G'Ma

What is family all about. Sharing and caring I thought.