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I know I had really no knowledge of open adoption before I became a birthmother. I remember one girl I used to work with when I was in high school who stayed in contact with her placed child and their family. I thought this was great, but thought she was an oddity.
What was your knowledge, if any, of open adoption before you became a birthmother?
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I thought that openness just entailed the giving and receiving of letters and photographs and my unethical agency let me continue to believe that myth. I was also not told, prior to placement, that open adoptions weren't legally enforceable and could be closed by the adoptive family at any time.I really didn't have a true concept as to what the relationship could or should entail until I was in the middle of it, floundering my way through. Thankfully we've managed to keep our heads above water. :)
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So glad I wasn't alone - I suppose I was a "lucky" one so to speak as my agency was the one that educated me fairly well on open adoption. I do wish they really focused on how important it was to my child for ME to stay involved, not just how good it would be for me if the adoptive parents stayed in contact.
I also wish the agency would have given me more guidance as I struggled my way finding my role and the desired level of contact that was right for us.
It was always, "whatever you guys want and whatever works for you" - okay that's great to an extent, but you guys are the professionals, sometimes you need to give advice when it's needed.
[FONT="Century Gothic"]Tara, in that respect my agency did counsel me about open adoption, the fact that in my state it isn't enforcable. They have been great with acting as mediators when needed or I should say asked.
E has told me numerous times to fight for what I want and she will stand behind me and support me any way she can.[/FONT]
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Brandy, Are you trying to tell us your age??? I am a pastor... there have been women pastors in the Lutheran Church since 1970 and many congregations refuse to even consider a women. Similarly the attitudes about adoption are slow to change. I sometimes wonder if the agencies think about the best interest of the children!
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Leigh, I'm glad that you have a real ally in your adoption worker. I did too, don't get me wrong, they always stood behind me and offered to act as a mediator if I ever needed so, etc. I know adoption isn't one size fits all, but sometimes I needed a bit more direction than I was given, you know? I had tons of support but not always that honest direction.
Also, Kathy, my agency has been doing open adoptions for over 20 years and they really are the experts and leaders in open adoptions in this area.
They are a wonderful agency and I had wonderful workers, and maybe they realized that the adoptive family and the birthfamily really need to map out their own journey, one that works for their child, which we have been lucky enough to do.
Brandy, I've got someone on my personal adoption blog trying to tell me that there are no adults in open adoption to speak as to the experience. Go school her, wouldya. That said, Brenda Romanchik's son is what... twenty...something... my mind is failing.That said, the only thing my agency is an expert on is... well, nevermind. ;)
SchmennaLeigh
Brandy, I've got someone on my personal adoption blog trying to tell me that there are no adults in open adoption to speak as to the experience. Go school her, wouldya. That said, Brenda Romanchik's son is what... twenty...something... my mind is failing.
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I vaguely remember reading an article in a teen magazine about an open adoption story back in 1991. It was a side bar to an article about abortion and consent laws. I know I was pregnant at the time,(first trimester) but I cant remember if it was before or after I had decided on adoption. Nothing in the article resonated with me as far as saying "that's cool I want something like that", I merely remember reading it. Since I didn't go through an agency, the idea of being open came from the a mom herself. That was really the first time I considered it for me.
taramayrn
It was always, "whatever you guys want and whatever works for you" - okay that's great to an extent, but you guys are the professionals, sometimes you need to give advice when it's needed.