Advertisements
Well, I have done everything I can think of since I reached legal searching age. Registered with the ISRR, scoured every forum I could find unitl my eyes bled, even went out on a limb and asked those cheesey afternoon talk shows to help me, and I now realize that it's time to give up. I have written so many times: "Baby girl most likely born fort meyers FL on 6-20-1985, adopted through private attorney named goldberg, red hair, green eyes" that my fingers are going to fall off. The facts are that either A.) all the information I have ever been told is wrong and I am searching in all the wrong places with no hope of ever finding a someone looking for a baby girl with my history. Or B: (and according to occom's razor, the likely answer) no out there cares enough to look for me. Am I writing this to whine or incure pity? No, at the ripe old age of 22, I'd like to think I am above that. I think that one day this may in fact get read by my brith mother and I have a few things to say to her before I throw in the towel for good. First of all and formost, thanks for giving me life (and I mean that from the bottom of my heart, you didn't have to have me), I like to think I am making the most of it, but **** you for not bothering to look for me. Not to say I don't understand, I imagine that I have alot of you in me since I am able to understand so well. You were young and you have probably since gotten married and had other children. I doubt you have ever even told your husband and children I exist. You gave me life and that was enough for you, you did your part and washed your hands of me. I really do understand. It's most likely exactly what I would have done. I am going to be a lawyer and the ability to exercise detached indifference with such great ease (a gift I think you most likely gave me) will, according to my professors be a great asset. Unforchantly you are my Achilles heel, and I find myself unable to apply that particular gift to you. My adoptive parents (lovely, loving people by the way) tell me that, from what the lawyer told them, I look like you. Maybe they are just trying to make me feel more conected to you, or maybe it's true. I don't know. I do know that I search the face of every other short, red haired woman I pass on the street and wonder if it's you. I wonder if you do the same? Maybe you only think about me on my birthday, or maybe you don't think of me at all. I don't know. I don't know anything at all about you, and you don't know anything at all about me. I'm giving up, I'm frustrated and I'm sad. But I like to think that one day curiosity will get the better of you and you'll take a look here and find this. Maybe it will just feed your ego to know I bothered to look or maybe you'll track me down. Either way, the ball is in your court now, I did my searching and I am done. If you do find this and want to try and catch me I am posting my e-mail; Ladyofkaeleer@hotmail.com, don't worry, I don't expect anything after all this time, but hope should never die.
Like
Share
ladyofkaeleer,
As a Bmother, I would have to ask you not to abandon your search.
I wanted for years to find my daughter, but did not want to interrupt her life. I was so busy taking care of a mother dying from cancer, a father who had alzheimers, 2 children under 14, and trying to go thru a divorce from an abusive husband. My ex actually said in the divorce that I was an unfit parent because I had a child that I placed for adoption when I had just turned 18.
Now 7 years down the road, mom and dad both have passed, the children are now "adults" in the eyes of the law, and the divorce is done and over with. I felt that I had to "clean up my house" before I could bring someone else in. Emotionally I had no more to give, I had to heal first. I went as far as tracking down my daughters birthfather, and believe me that took some nerve calling his family to find him. I discussed with him that I wanted to find our daughter and I apologized for not keeping her. He discouraged me from searching, telling me not to intrude in her life. For the past 2 years I have been heavily searching boards, registering where ever I can, etc. Give her some time, no one knows what situation she is in at this time of her life. She might also have to clean house before she can find you. But please, dont close your heart. Keep searching.
PS you will find a thread about bmoms remembering their babies bdays....we never forget.
Advertisements
Jodi,
Did you ever get your non-id from FARR? If so, contact
For volunteer search assistance in Florida, email:
floridasearchangels@yahoo.com
The web site is [url=http://www.geocities.com/kat6406/FloridaSearchAngels.html?200626]FloridaSearchAngels[/url]
We haven't heard from you since 2005.
From a Bmoms point of view and knowing many bmoms, a lot do not want to or do not feel they have the right to search for their child. they dont want to intrude in their lives.
Some bmoms are in a position of never telling anyone they placed their child for adoption so to bring that up 20, 30, 40 years later can be very difficult.
Most bmoms from the 80's back were told we would never know who or where our child was, forget and move on - forgetting for most was not an option but moving on was a neccessity to survive
Just because you havent found your bmom searching doesnt mean she doesnt care, nor does it mean she isnt searching , there are thousands of search sites out there and even with search abilities you are not always gonna get every hit. She may also feel she has no right to search and disrupt your life.
I wish you the best :)