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Me and my husband adopted two girls this past year. It was not an open adoption. We would like to keep in contact with the brith family - grandmother (mother side). Does anyone know the best way to do that without them finding out where we live? They do not know anything about us.
:thankyou: Thank you for your help.
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I sure wish the people who adopted my daughter would have wanted to keep contact with me.
I begged the agency for pictures of my daughter and even forwarded letters to be given to her but they never gave my daughter's aparents any of the stuff I had sent.
When my daughter tried to find out who I was from the agency when she turned 18 years old, they wouldn't even give her the stuff I'd sent them to her.
They kept them in the file but they refused to give her anything.
It wasn't until we actually met and insisted on getting the things in my file meant FOR my daughter that I'd sent that we were able to get it. I had to threaten with a lawyer in order for us to get that stuff.
So, even if you send it to the agency there's no guarentees that the bmom will get them. Especially if it's a closed adoption.
They will probably use the, "She wanted a closed adoption because she didn't want to be contacted."
That's what they told my daughter even though they KNEW because of my begging and pleading for information even a first name of my daughter for all those years that I wanted to find her and know her.
It was a nightmere!
Rylee
I encourage you to do that. At least a picture once in a while. You did not mentioned if you had a way to contact her, just a picture in the mail with no return address should do it. Some people, believe it or not, do not have access to or know how to use a computer. I would do the picture for sometime and then see how you feel about taking a second step. I have an open adoption and having that contact from time to time is a great asset for my daughter.
we just recently allowed our childrens' birth grandma to see them at a local McDonalds so that the children could also play. The children do not remember her but their grandma had a fun time. We took pictures of them with her so that they had that memory. not sure how often the visits will be...weekly; bi-weekly; etc...it is still NEW for us.
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I think this is a wonderful idea. Even if you don't share this with the child right now it is a neat thing to put up for later. My friend emails me her letters to the birth family and I send them from my house. I don't mind because they are the birth parents for my child and they have my addy. You could get a po box for them to write too. Hope this helps. Good luck
B72707
. Does anyone know the best way to do that without them finding out where we live?
KatiesEd-dad
Just a question for you and I'm just being curious here, not judgmental. Is there a particular reason that you don't want them to know where you live? Are they bad people or drug abusers or something else? Like I said, please don't take this the wrong way but I am curious.
I'm not sure from your post if you have the birth gma's contact information? Our agency has acted as an "intermediary" for updates in our open adoption (though DD's birth mom and I also communicate by email and by phone). If there is no agency, and you don't want your address known, I suppose you could send updates without putting a return address on the envelope? Maybe talk with them about setting up a website/blog they could view? Good luck!
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wilted rose
KatiesEd-dad- Does your curiosity lead you to come up with these particular scenarios with regard to why adoptive parents in closed adoption prefer to remain anonymous?? Kind of offensive, for bfamilies, IMO.Rose
wilted rose
KatiesEd-dad- Does your curiosity lead you to come up with these particular scenarios with regard to why adoptive parents in closed adoption prefer to remain anonymous?? Kind of offensive, for bfamilies, IMO.
Rose
KatiesEd-dad
Nope...not at all...just the opposite. I'm wondering why this adoptive parent is so worried about the birth family finding out where they live considering that they do want contact with part of the birth family. One of the reasons that I would keep my identity a secret from the b-family would be if they were bad people. I was just wondering if that was the case or it was some other reason. I really don't know how you could draw that conclusion from my post or think it was a shot at birth families.
My husband and I adopted a sibling group of four back in 2005 and we just recently allowed the birth grandma (mothers side) to have visits with the children. What we did with the birth mom and grandma was we set up a PO BOX just over the state line using there birth names only. That lasted for three years. But the visit with the grandma took place at a area McDonalds so the children can play too.
Good luck in your decision....i know that it is hard.
Donna
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We have an open adoption, but the bmother hasn't had contact in years (her choice). The birthgrandparents are awesome people! ALL FOUR of my children call them grandma/pa. It's definitely been a great adventure having them as our extended family.
I hope you are able to take some of the advice you have found here and work with it as best you can.
I set up a facebook page for the grandparents. It is working great for us. I post pictures of their grandchildren and they are content with that. Once in awhile one of them will email me through facebook and ask specific questions. Keeping in contact with the bio grandparents has already paid off for us on some medical issues.