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I am new to this, so I may ramble on for a minute or two. My husband and I are prospective adoptive parents. We are trying to adopt through foster care without actually being foster parents. We have been approved since 10-06. We got a call last month saying we have been chosen for a little boy, we'll call him Dylan for this thread. We went for a presentation last week and received all of the info on him. He will be 4 next month, has never lived with his birth parents (both are incarcerated). TPR has been completed for the birth mom and the BF signed his over. Anyway, Dylan has been with his foster parents since he was 6 wks old. DSS decided not to approve them to adopt because 2 therapists suggested against it (the foster mom is 65 and she is physically unable to follow through with discipline, and is unwilling or unable to assist with the severe speech delays Dylan has). There are also notes from the therapist that the foster mother threatened Dylan saying that if he didn't behave she would send him back with the social worker. The foster parents have filed a lawsuit against DSS for adoption of Dylan. My question is this.... how often does this sort of thing happen? My husband and I have decided to wait this out and see what happens. We are trying not to get attached to Dylan, but it's not easy. According to the files we have, the logical thing is that Dylan will not be given to the foster parents, but who knows what a judge will decide. All we can do is pray that God places this little boy where he needs to be. Any thoughts?
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Good News! D is remaining with fp. Congrats to him and his family. Hopefully this will give hope to all parents who are facing a contest. I do believe that justice is served in this case, and however, not easy for me, I feel it is definately the best thing for him. So, add a point for the good guys. The child wins this time!:prop:
munketoes
Good News! D is remaining with fp. Congrats to him and his family. Hopefully this will give hope to all parents who are facing a contest. I do believe that justice is served in this case, and however, not easy for me, I feel it is definately the best thing for him. So, add a point for the good guys. The child wins this time!:prop:
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Thanks to both of you. I know that was the best thing for D. Our caseworker called the very same day and told us about another little boy "T". Of course we are very scared due to this one has a legal issue also, however, not quite as significant. No one is contesting this time, however, the wording isn't quite right for the tpr in regards to the "legal" father. This man hasn't ever laid eyes on him and when contacted by DSS he wouldn't talk to them at all, regarding his bio or this child. So, an addendum has been filed to correct the tpr and is scheduled to be back in a few weeks. We are very excited, still a little scared, but excited still. We met him today, and I guess I didn't say anything because I didn't want to jinx it. He is a very sweet and active little boy, although shy, but I think it's gonna work well! :banana:
Thanks XX, I think I really needed to hear that. I talked to T's caseworker this morning and she thinks the meeting went exceptionally well. He talked about how much fun he had and that he thinks he would like to live here!!!:prop: Of course, we're very excited. I think that we were placed in this time to be with this child. I just hope the paperwork gets done and this is actually real and not another roadblock!:roadblock:
munk- I have been thinking about you since you posted about being contested. I remember how hard this limbo stuff can be and how I just kept praying that the right thing be done for the child, while hoping that the right match be coming for us soon. Best wishes on your match with T Don't forget to give yourself time to grieve the loss of D too HugsDiane
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munketoes
Thanks XX, I think I really needed to hear that. I talked to T's caseworker this morning and she thinks the meeting went exceptionally well. He talked about how much fun he had and that he thinks he would like to live here!!!:prop: Of course, we're very excited. I think that we were placed in this time to be with this child. I just hope the paperwork gets done and this is actually real and not another roadblock!:roadblock:
Just a short update.... We had another visit with T today and all went well, he met my mother and brother and although shy seemed to get along quite well. He walked right in like he owned the place. I think his fp are really helping the transition process along. (my thanks go to them) DH and I played ball with him in the backyard and when it was almost time for the CW to pick him up I told him it was time to go back inside. This is the first bit of resistance I saw from him. It was obvious he was stalling, as he had already made the comment that he wanted to sleep in his new house tonight. We of course were very excited to hear that and assured him that he could come back and stay for this whole weekend. He of course pouted and tried to pull away from me and I had to give him a warning and let him know that although we wanted him to stay as well, it wasn't an option for tonight. It broke my heart. So, he will be back on Friday and will meet the rest of the immediate family. They are so excited! Please continue to keep us in your prayers as we are still waiting for the addendum to come back signed from the judge. That has been the hardest part, especially after what happened with D.
We are 56 and 59 and want to adopt our foster son. We got him from the hospital at 5 days of age and have had him for 19 months except for the 3 months that his bio parents were on the run with him.
I thought his caseworker and her supervisor would recommend us, but they think he should go to a younger couple. To say we have all bonded is an understatement. We are devastated.
They said we could appeal to the DHS area manager, but I don't see that we have aleg to stand on. Any suggestions? Also, how do I post a thread? I am new to this. Gayle in AR
Gayle,
Get a lawyer. Right now. Don't wait. D's adoption was granted to his fp (rightfully so), because they got a lawyer and fought it. It's obvious this child has bonded with you, and if you are considered "good" enough to be his foster parents for the last 19 months, then you should be suitable parents as well. Just make sure you have a plan if something was to happen to you. Do you have a back up plan, someone who will take over care if you become unable to do so, or die? I know that's a harsh question, but every move a child makes is harmful to them, so think this through. If you have a plan, you do have a leg to stand on, and though it will be a fight, it will be worth it. Has tpr been granted yet?
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Yes, TPR has been granted. The parents are appealing but the adoption specialist says she can place him with someone who would be willing to take the small risk of the appeal being won.
Yes, we have a backup plan. We'd do that even if we were much younger. One of our grown children would take the young ones (4, 5 and 6) we have already adopted.
Do we have any basis for a fight except that we have all bonded? We are clearly over the DHS age limit of 55.
Thanks so much for your encouragement and for responding!!
I don't know the laws in AR, I'm in SC. However, sometimes that's all that's needed. In SC, fp have rights. If a child has been placed with them for 6 mths, then the child can not be removed without fp being able to appeal. This is of course, with the adoption plan, not reunification. That is how D's parents got him. If my memory serves me correct, it was a very emotional time for me, that anyone can file a petition to adopt, after tpr of course, you don't have to have the caseworkers support. That's exactly how they got D.