I want rights also!

Sorry for not much sympthay,but being an adoptee myself and not finding it out until 42.,I am still bitter for these actions.I don't know the circumstances in your case,but seriously,you think you should have the same as us?Remember,us adoptees,didn't ask to be born,we just were and had to deal with the reprecussions.

I agree that it was the birth mom's choice to give up any future "rights" to the child when she places the child for adoption. I can understand the reasoning (to some point) from both sides because I have adopted 2 children a few years back and days ago I found out that I have a brother who was adopted in 1970. I understand that I may never find out who my brother is. He has that right. It's his choice as an adult. My mother was pretty much forced, by family and birth dad, to give him up back then. She finally agreed to it praying that he would have a better life, better home, than she could provide. Even though she didn't want to SHE signed those papers and SHE made that choice. When I adopted my children, I signed papers and made the choice to raise them as if they were my biological children. To give them all the love, support, and inheritance that my own biological children would have gotten. I signed and I made that choice. I understand that my adopted daughter may want to find her 4 living half sisters when she grows up and that my son may never care to hear any of the stories I have to tell (I was friends with birth mom in high school) and I have to respect that decision too. My children are still young (4&5) and they've been told that they are adopted but don't fully understand that yet. Above all I do not want to mislead or lie to them about this. I will do my best to keep in contact with the birth family so IF they do want to have a relationship with them they wont have to go through the searching process most adoptees do. But it will be THEIR choice- not mine- not birth mom's.

I think some of you have it wrong about what she wanted information on. It isn't to find the child she gave up it's to get copies of the papers she signed and other personal information about herself. That information isn't going to lead to the finding of a child given up for adoption. It's only the information that the person gave the agency, lawyer, whoever who handled the adoption and what is in the personal "non identifying" information. That has nothing to do with where your child is or the ability to find the child given up. It's just having the information about what we signed when we gave our babies up. At least I think that's what she was talking about. I know that having papers that you sign when you do something that is contract (adoption is contract pretty much too) that you always have the right to those papers for your records. Why is having a baby and signing it away any different? We should as birth mothers have those papers and not be denied personal information about ourselves. It's not asking for information about the child. Am I understanding what you said in the original post? If not I appologize. Rylee

My take on it is that the OP just wants to know what is in her file should her child ever take up a search, that he/she is given the right information, and that it hasn't been embelished. So yeah, Rylee, I see what you're saying. The OP wasn't making this an "I want to know where my child is" post...she was wanting to know why she couldn't see information she had already given to verify it's correctness in case it's ever utilized in the future.

It appears the adoptee has more rights in finding out information about birth parents, than birth parents trying to find out about the child they placed for adoption. Well, I think that the opening statement is what people are reacting to.

And Evelyna was right. Yes, birthparents signed away their rights to parent a child, but certainly not their rights to care about their child. In fact, if adoption is everything people claim it is, then the bparents love their children and care about their welfare as much as, or more than anyone else. Evelyna never mentioned getting identifying informtion. Most bparents were promised certain things about the adoptive parents and about possible reunions with their bchild. I know I was! And the agency I went through lied to me about many things. All I really wanted to know about my bson was that he was alive and well and could get his hands on my identifying information if he wanted it. Is that too much to ask? Maybe I interpreted Evelyna's post in the wrong way, but it seems to me she wants to know the same things. Most adoptees also want information about themselves -- like medical histories. But they are not the only ones denied info. I wanted a copy of my "counseling" and medical records from the time I was pregnant and delivered my bson. The agency would not give me any of that information. But they did sell me non-identifying information about my bson. It was incredibly vague. Please don't misunderstand, I was happy to get ANY information. But I also wanted to look at my counseling records. I had blocked out so much from that time period and I wanted to see if the agency could shed some light on my mindset 27 years ago. And they refused. I didn't ask for information on my bson at the time, but information on ME. So, to make a long story short, I agree with Evelyna. All of us are entitled to more information -- both adoptees and bparents.

Ok, this I so understand. And agree that you should be able to have that info. When I adopted my son in 2001 (it was considered a domestic private interstate adoption VA-NY), the birth mom was right there next to me and we both got copies of everything. I asked my mom and she said that she was able to get "non-identifying info" (she adopted in NJ through the Catholic Diocese of Paterson in 1970) but she did not go any further into what she got from the agency. She was also allowed to leave her contact info with the agency so if her son wanted to contact her he could. Now my daughter was adopted in 2005 and it was considered Foster care to adopt through VA. I'm not sure what my friend has from that adoption, but I got copies of all medical info and agreed to keep VA informed of our current addresses until my daughter turns 18. It is my belief that if the birth family wants to contact her, Department of Social Services will contact us for approval. I went a step further and gave the birth family my cell #, email, and a third party mailing address.

I don't begrudge anyone info about themselves, and that includes birth parents and adoptees. I do have a problem with my identifying info going out to anyone. Also, I am not saying that someone should not care about another person. That is not my business at all. But it is also not my burden as an adoptee.

I agree but I disagree.... My half brother was adopted and I want to find him. This is so hard for me! I had a great friend for a long time that took the emptiness inside from not knowing. When I lost that friend to a tragic accidnet in 2005 it killed me emotionally and now I am more determined than ever to find my brother. It may have been my mothers choice but never mine or my younger sisters. I have two beautiful girls and I know they would love to meet their uncle. Not to mention our sister had a little girl the day after Christmas. I want to know if I have any neices or nephews. He may not want to meet our mother but I would hope that he would want to met me and our sister. I think about it all the time now. It was not my choice!

As a CASA let me speak very broadly from a courts point of view.Once b-parents give up their rights to the child, (regardless of the reason) that child is given over to the court for protection and becomes a part of the courts goal of "best interest of the child."It is nearly impossible for the b-parents to go back to the court to plead that now circumstances are better and they can resume the care and protection of the child.Nor can they delve into court records which are not public information and gain access to the outcome of the circumstances of the child once parental rights were terminated. The child and the circumstances are under the protection of the court.Termination of parental rights can be looked at much like the sale of a piece of property. Once the property is put up for sale and the legal rights to that property have been executed, the court assumes that the seller has no more legal or otherwise interest in that property.The court assumes much the same. Once a TPR is in place, there can be no further interest by the parents in that child.Altho children are not sold to a court the legal rights to the child by the parents has been terminated. To change that, a hearing must come about and the reasons for change presented to the court for the judges ruling. In most cases, altho the b-parents may have emotional attachments to the child, and the court may take those under advisement, the judges ruling will be based on evidence presented to the court and there may not be any acceptance of those emotional bonds.The law may not be perfect but in terms of "the best interest of the child" it serves many people very well. The Titanic did a number of things well, but in the end it failed to protect everyone.I wish you the very best.

Not many actions in our lives have life long sentences...murder... and oh yes being a birthmother. Lets just shoot them all! :cowboy:

I think that both parties - birthparent and adoptee - should have access to their records. I am an adoptee and I also think that the birthparents should give a document of health/heritage(I don't even know my cultural background - thought I was Italian as I look just like my adopted father but my birthsurnames are either German, Irish or English!) to a mediator until the adoptee reaches age 21 and then the mediator can contact both birthparents and adoptee and see if they all want contact. Dove - I agree in a way with you - we didn't have any choice in the matter and we deserve to know basic facts about ourselves too!

where i live all records are open unless a veto is put on them by either bmother or adoptee. if a veto is put on, it may be removed at any stage. The veto otherwise lasts for ten years and if not renewed the records again become available. not a bad system although it must be horrible when one goes to search and finds a veto in place.

One would think under the "freedom of information act" there would be an avenue to access any information documented regarding an individual. Gaining access to information on file about yourself should not pose a problem at least here in Canada. But in the USA with the passing of the Patriot Act those who were held were not allowed to gain access to the means under which the state held them due to this being a threat to the country. I like the comparison to a life sentence. That's about it isn't it? How a bureaucracy holds the key to your life is pretty daunting. There are so many people who are affected vicariously by adoption and there seems to be so many closed doors. I don't believe that anyone should be hampered from finding out what happened. But there should also be a respect for the choices people make in the here and now. If people don't want contact after a period of time I don't think that should be forced upon them whether they are the person adopted or the person who relinquished. It's a pandora's box. The pendulum swung here in Canada and now any child given up can find out what happened. I am not sure how fair that is but it's a reversal of being banned for life and that's a good thing. I think that a person who has been adopted and who doesn't want contact has the right to privacy. I think the rights of the person who gave the child up should not be trod upon but there should be an avenue to find out the facts nonetheless. Legislating compassion isn't easy. People find their way around all of the protective barriers and the truth has a way of rising to the surface if you are tenacious enough.

and it goes on and on down through the generations...how fair is that.