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My girlfriend was introduced to her bparents last fall. Since then they have been at every afamily event (reunions, holidays, etc) and she is being constantly "nagged" to be in a relationship with them. We dont mean to be rude, and I know it could change, but she really has no interest in knowing her bparents at this time. It was nice to meet them, but she doesnҒt want to be obligated to them nor does she feel that they need to be at every event and in every family picture.
is this wrong? is it appropriate for her aparents to push her into this relationship with her bparents? We realize that both the amother and bmother are equally responsible for this situation, but we are wondering if any one else has any experience from this perspective.
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I would suggest your gf have a talk with her bmom and let her know that she is happy to have met her, but needs her space right now. Things may change down the road, but for now, to let her be the one that initiates communication. I'm sure the bmom is just desperate to get to know her daughter after all this time... after all... we never stop loving them.
I've noticed on these threads that most of the time the b-parents let the adopted one lead the pace....and if she would only say that she needs a slower pace as it is moving way too fast and is too overwhelming emotionally for her right now at this pace.but to say to them that she has no desire to get to know them at this time would really be pretty cruel and painful for herb-parents.....have a heart.but I would suggest her talking to her adopted mom first, as thats who she is closest to and just tell her, that she needs a slower pace.and that she feels that everything is being forced to happen too quickly. and it may be that the a-mom is doing all the inviting anyway....so it is "her" that your Gf really needs to talk to about all this, as the a-mom thinks she is helping I guess. also they should be able to get to know each other more naturally and more slowly on their own and not with the whole family as an audience. a little more communication is needed on your girlfriends part I think. but discretely....gently.