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I need a little help here.
I had a very open adoption until I really messed up.
In 1997 I got pregnant and was homeless and self medicating with Drugs I have since learned it was due to untreated mental health issues I discovered I'm Bipolar, schizophrenic with panic disorder and PTSD. It has been a very hard and long road to my successful management and sobriety. My sobriety and recovery came at a great loss.
After her birth during my first attempt at recovery in 2001 I had another baby a son, whom I kept until I thought I could control the addiction and ended up in handcuffs facing a felony drug charge. CPS removed him and since I had contact with her Dad they asked if he could be placed with her temporally he agreed and I agreed to a plea agreement on the charge and CPS started a reunification plan. I didn't end up getting the treatment I was supposed to receive from CPS. But my Probation officer ended up saving my life. I was placed into Mental Health Drug Court this is very diffrent from the Drug Court Program. I was assigned to a very great program called Telecare FACT run by the Telecare corp. They had a Psychiatrist and a psychologist plus Case management. When I was doing intake paperwork my case manager said and I quote "You will never have to be homeless again!" I had been homeless from 1992 to 2001 and again from Jan 2007 to May 15, 2008 my intake date. I haven't been since and have maintained my Sobriety with only one minor slip I instantly admitted my mistake and Since haven't Touched drugs. During this time I couldn't bring myself to maintain any kind of contact with her. My contact prior had only been limited to bi-yearly visits lat a favorite restaurant and very occasional short forced on my part phone calls. how do you explain to a 10, 11, 12 ect that your very happy that she is having a wonderful insert holiday here but you are sleeping behind a church and you beg for money. Since then due to Facebook I had contact with her Dad he would send me yearly school photos I guess she doesn't know because we some how found each other and she Asked "thank you but i must ask where have u been the past what 6 years or so?" I explained my problems as tactfully as I could and her response was "i was diagnosed with schizophrenia i dont mind that u werent around but all i had ever wanted from u was a call on my birthday or on christmas every year i thought this would be the year she calls or comes but after a while i stoped hopping" It cut me to the quick and I was at a loss as how to respond. I know I threw away everything it was my fault, but I thought her father whom had my contact information would have let her know. I don't know how to take it.
Any advice? :confused:
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If I read correctly, your daughter also has schizophrenia. Well, it seems that she was promptly diagnosed and medicated. You were not.Now, that you are managing your mental illness and are sober, you can do what's necessary to attempt to heal and develop a relationship with your daughter.Of course, your daughter doesn't completely understand things from your point of view: 1) she's a teenager, and 2) many people don't understand the devastation that mental illness can cause.You were ashamed, and you didn't want your daughter to be ashamed of you, too. Make sure she knows that. I'm glad that you are no longer homeless, and you're stabilized. Now, you can work on attempting to build a relationship with your daughter. Make sure to contact her when you say you will. And, call her on her birthday and other holidays.
I forgot to mention that I am an adoptee, so I am coming at this conversation from the other side of things.First and foremost, you need to make sure that she wants to hear your story before you tell it to her. You don't want to purge your soul at her expense by making her the repository for your life history and emotions. So, please ask her in advance what she wants to know and how detailed she wants it to be. Secondly, since she is a minor, I would probably check with her father and find out what he thinks should be shared at this point.Once she's an adult, I would follow her lead. Let her know that you are willing to share information with her when she feels she's ready.
I would also talk with her dad about what he has shared as well as what he wants you to share. You sound like you are not sure why her dad did not tell her your circumstances. I would talk with him about that, too. There could be a lot of reasons. Maybe she was not in a place (emotionally or regarding her own MH issues) where he felt it was okay for her to know. Maybe he was protecting your privacy, so he was so general it didn't give much information at all. Maybe he did share more, but she either didn't really hear him or is angry that she didn't hear it from you. I would make sure to talk to him ahead of time, both because she is a minor and because he knows her better than you do at this point. He may be able to help you identify how to approach her as well as giving you important information about what will be helpful for her to know at this point.
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L4R
If I read correctly, your daughter also has schizophrenia. Well, it seems that she was promptly diagnosed and medicated. You were not.
Now, that you are managing your mental illness and are sober, you can do what's necessary to attempt to heal and develop a relationship with your daughter.
Of course, your daughter doesn't completely understand things from your point of view: 1) she's a teenager, and 2) many people don't understand the devastation that mental illness can cause.
You were ashamed, and you didn't want your daughter to be ashamed of you, too. Make sure she knows that.
I'm glad that you are no longer homeless, and you're stabilized.
Now, you can work on attempting to build a relationship with your daughter. Make sure to contact her when you say you will. And, call her on her birthday and other holidays.