Can I be jailed?

No, you aren't. Although, it would be best to have her parents involved...it is not illegal for minors to talk to adults and in the eyes of the law, you are just another adult, with no familial ties. You are not breaking the law, unless you've done something that would allow them to obtain a protective order of some kind...then, of course, you would be breaking the law.It is not illegal for a birth parents to communicate with minor children, althouh, as I said above, it's always best to involve their parents - so everyone is on the same page and the parents can be a source of support for the child, who may be dealing wit heavy emotions.

Wendy: I'm not sure if you could be jailed, that seems a bit excessive! I don't know the laws specifically surrounding the adoption tho I tend to say no. You arent doing anything other than speaking to a minor child without her parents blessing. It's theoretically no different than if this was not your bio child and you were talking to her. (If anyone knows any differently, please feel free to correct me!) My DD's b dad contacted my DD on myspace as a minor, (she is around the same age as your children) and while I think what he did in my personal situation was risky and dumb, to my knowledge it wasn't illegal. Just not appropriate. Then again, her AP's were not adamently opposed to the contact, just felt it would have been more appreciated had he went through them because she is a minor. Now, her AP's CAN decide to make things difficult for you if they don't approve. As the parents to a minor child, they can seek legal avenues (restraining order for example) which if you ignore can lead to legal issues regarding contact. My opinion FWIW is that as a minor any parent has the right to say which adults their child can or cannot speak with. If you put yourself in their position, I'm sure that you would not want an adult stranger to continue to have contact with your child against your wishes. And bio ties or not, to your daughter you are a stranger, KWIM? I'm not judging what you are doing, I know it's a lot easier said than done. I can tell you as far as my ex went, his emotions overcame common logic and that is why he contacted her directly, and it's understandable. But there may be consequences to your actions that her parents have evey right to impose, and you have to understand that continued contact may complicate things a lot! As far as your son goes, his AP's blessing will make things easier on all of you. It will go a long way to have their support IMO, and if his parents are aware and allowing contact, then there is nothing wrong or illegal with what you are doing! Enjoy it! Is it possible that since your son and daughter know eachother that you can stay in touch with your daughter through your son? For example, he can update you on her and vice versa? I don't know if that is appropriate to put that burden on a teenager, but since his contact is "allowed" , maybe that could be an option? (I'm thinking aloud here!) Again, I'm not familiar with the legal ramifications of underage contact, so feel free to correct me if someone knows better! I wish you luck and I hope for your daughter's sake her AP's come around!

Brandy;Thank you so much for your quick response. I was scared that I could be prosecuted for continuing contact with them.I very much want to contact both sets of adoptive parents, and have an open and honest dialouge with them about the kids.I have no wish to cause distance between them or worsen existing problems. If there is no communication between the parents and I, I forsee some really nasty problems arising from it.But the only way I can get the info to contact them is directly from the children themselves. They are not going to want to do that. As I said her parents are hostile to the idea of contact, and his forbade him to reveal the things to her that he already has. They will both be in deep dookie if that comes out.I am going to talk to my son tonight, and hopefully convince him to put me in contact with his mother. Since she knows the other adoptive family she may have advise as to how to proceed with my daughters parents.But, this may not happen. He is very reluctant to go there. I think he is afraid of loosing this fragile new link.There are other issues between my daughter and her parents that I don't want to go into here, since I have no way of knowing what is true and what is merely thier perception of things. I don't want to think of them as the bad guys, or to think that I made a bad choice in her parents.One thing that I am sure of. My daughter is at a fragile age, and is dealing with depression on top of all this. I do NOT want to upset her further. It seems as though that is likely no matter what I do. She just wants to keep our talking secret, but that is way too risky (not to mention sneaky) for my tastes. I have so little to go on, or to work with.This is so hard.

Browneyes;Hi. I have total respect for her parents wishes, and would not have contacted her out of that respect. But her having contacted me, well that makes things more complex. "Is it possible that since your son and daughter know eachother that you can stay in touch with your daughter through your son? For example, he can update you on her and vice versa? I don't know if that is appropriate to put that burden on a teenager, but since his contact is "allowed" , maybe that could be an option?"Adam has put himself in the middleman position already by telling his sister everything agaist all the AP's wishes. Although his parents are cool with him talking to me, they will be livid that he did that. It is possible that he could be an idirect source of info, but it would put him in a VERY bad position with his parents and hers. Worst case scenario there would be them forbidding contact between the siblings as well. *worries*

I understand. To clarify I wasn't trying to say you were being disrespectful, I was talking disrespect in my own situation where the adult made the contact, not vice versa. I did not know that your daughter made contact with you. To be honest, I don't know how I would handle that. It's go to be hard for sure, and I applaud the fact that you are trying to get insight on how to handle this in a positive and respectful manner for all. I hope someone has better advice for you!!!!

Is it possible for you to set up a yahoo or hotmail account and tell your daughter that you will keep this e-mail account in case her parents pull the plug on communications. That way she has a way she can get in touch with you, and it shows that you're thinking the reunion is for the long haul. I'm not saying to get it so you can encourage her to sneak behind their backs, that would be wrong, but so you have control over the account. He parents can get rid of her computer, or force her to close her myspace, they can't impose those limits on you. I hope everything works out for you. I doubt you will be in any trouble unless you interfere with their parenting, and it sounds like you are being very respectful.

I would try to get in touch and build a foundation with your son's aparents. If they are approving then they may be able to help with the daughter's aparents. Even though my DD is 19 I would still love to meet and get to know her parents as well. Good Luck!!!

THere is only one thing that could stand in your way as far as legal/illegal is if when they TPR you if there was a NO CONTACT ORDER placed at that time if not then I see no reason why you would be in trouble if they contact you.