i am needing help

I agree with the others above, I think if I was you I would be leary of potential adoptive parents that have been turned down. My husband and I are in the adoption process, and the social worker who did our homestudy said it would take something real drastic to be turned down. She also said that she knew of felons that were able to adopt, so I think it would take a lot more than a DUI 22 years ago to be denied. There are a lot of different sites on the internet that you can look at adoptive parents profiles who are homestudy approved, you can type in adoption or find adoptive parents or potential parents or even hope to adopt. If you do decide to place your child, good luck with your search. Take care. 06/06/07- Homestudy Approved 07/16/07- Officially Waiting to be Matched

Hello :) When we started researching how to go about with the adoption process, we talked with many agencies. Regardless if a family chooses to work with an agency or not, they still, by law, must have a homestudy done - - but, like the others have said, it seems anyone can pass the 'homestudy.' Research all of your options - there are many resources that allow you to view waiting families' profiles...and if they don't want to show it, I would be leery of that as well. Let your heart lead you :)

[FONT="Comic Sans MS"]Hi, I am a birthmom from almost 30 years ago (this month). Please, no matter how you go about choosing a family for your adoption process, ASK LOTS OF QUESTIONS!!!!!

Start making a list now.

I was totally freaked when I found out that there are people with felonies on their records that were able to adopt. I never thought about things like this when I placed my child. I never thought about a lot of things (I was very! young and did not know to ask anything).

I understand your concern about people who are not allowed to adopt because of something in their past but from what I have been told from the agency where I placed and from reading on this forum, an old DUI charge/conviction is not going to cause someone to be turned down from an agency.

This process is a legal matter and you need to have someone looking out for you and your child. You need to ask lots of questions. If there is a criminal history of any kind, ask for the details. If they don't want to give them, don't give them a chance at your child. I believe if people really want to adopt your child, they will be willing to be open and honest with you, just like you should be with them.

I hope this helps. Don;t shut out the idea of an agency or even a lawyer just because of a story you have heard. You may not have gotten all the facts (many people only tell what they want you to hear so they can get what they want).

This is your child, your flesh and blood. Choose carefully and ask for help. No one should do this alone.

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Ours was a private adoption, with only our attorney needed. We still had to go through a homestudy, with medicals, background checks, and a home visit. There are other options then to go through an agency, however the homestudy process is required for any adoption. I am not sure as to how or why an agency would turn someone down, honestly there might be more to the story. Coming to this forum will give you some insight to all the options of adoption. Please just be careful, and hopefully you will find the perfect family for your little angel. I wish you peace with your decision, and with the family you choose. Take your time and follow your heart, you will know what is best...God Bless

If you are worried about the formality of an agency, etc. you could talk to your ob/gyn. My ob knows of other patients with fertility issues. She is a friend of mine, and we talked about how she has helped link patients with local college students that were interested in placing, etc. so I would imagine other obs have done the same. Also - she may know adoption attorneys in your area. I have another friend who is an adoption attorney. She does not help "match" aparents and bparents, but if both come to her she provides the necessary legal work. I would imagine either could be a resource that would help you. I would make sure that you get as much information as you can on the people wishing to adopt your child. I work in Human Resources, and have an employee that was able to adopt a child with his 3rd DUI - loss of license for 10 years, and father (adoptive grandfather) is a registered sex offender. His crime is against a granddaughter. The child was still placed with these people until they had a domestic and the poor kid had a breakdown. But - that was through a state agency so I think other extenuating circumstances come into play than in an infant palcement. Good luck to you - hopefully, the ideas will be helpful and the story of my co-worker will help encourage you to find out as much as you can.

Understand this: Any hopeful aparent has to clear a homestudy, that's done by a social worker or an agency. If there are issues - past criminal history, serious health issues, etc. that would cause an agency to 'deny' them, they're likely large enough to make it unlikely anyone would certify a homestudy for them.Posters here are right - old, nonviolent offenses are usually not a barrier. Violent offenses are, as are recent convictions, child-related offenses or a pattern of offenses such as a string of DUI convictions. This is not a bad thing - do you really want your child's parents cruising around with the baby in the car, drunk? Regardless of whether you use an agency or not, you will want parents who are 'homestudy ready', otherwise the placement will not be legal. You can engage the services of an attorney, representing you, or you can search public websites where potential aparents post. Most of those sites require that a homestudy be complete prior to allowing a posting. Also, ask your friends, family, coworkers, religious leaders (even if you don't attend services). We connected with our son's bfamily through a coworker of mine - my son's bmom was her stepdaughter. Best,Regina

It sounds like you want to do the right thing for your baby. My husband and I have just started to research adoption and home studies are required whether you use an agency or private adoption. You are giving a gift. Give yourself the gift of knowing you have choosen the right family for your baby.

I am married of 6 years to my dh. We have tried to have a child for years now and with no luck. We are looking to adopt a child. You can contact me at my email speaches_10_14@yahoo.com

I understand what you are saying. But my husband has had over 5 DUI and we were still approved for adoption. We have a beautiful little girl who is almost 2. We had to show proof that he dont drink any more and that he took classes for it. Its nice you want to help people like that because I do know that our friends were turned down because they used meds in trying to get pg. So the agency turned them down. But they are great people he is a cop for the town and she is a stay at home mom. So good people do get turned down.

Hello, I'm also looking to do a private adoption. I came here to get some advice. I wasn't sure how to do this or where to even start to look to find someone.

it is not your job to "help out someone" looking to adopt! If you choose adoption, it is your job to find the best possible home for your baby. remember, you and your baby come first. even if you don't want to work through an agency, make sure you learn everything you can about a potential afamily. be wary if they aren't willing to open up their lives to you. don't be guided by guilt or a feeling that you need to help someone out. I am saying this as an amom. Our son's firstparents made us jump through hoops before choosing to place with us. I am glad they did. It lets us know that they loved their son so much that they would not rest easy unless they knew he was in safe hands. It also has helped them to know that they chose the right family.

We didn't work with an agency to adopt our daughter so I don't know what it takes to be turned down but I would think it would be something more than a stupid teenage mistake 22 years ago. Anyway, there are plenty of people who would love to adopt but just can't afford the expense of an agency. These people would make great parents and the money would be much better used on the baby than the agency. We found our daughter's birthmother through a friend. I would say that you could spread the word that you were looking to place your child for adoption just like prospective adoptive parents tell their friends/doctors. I think telling an OB/GYN would be a great place to start since they may have another patient who can not have children in their practice. Good luck!

Just because someone is not working with an agency does not mean they have been turned down by one. We chose private adoption for a couple reasons, one being the outrages charges that agencies charge, and the other because we wanted to be more in control of the process, we did not want an agency to act as a go-between, to only show our profile when they felt it was appropriate, etc. We wanted to be able to meet with and talk to potential birthparents ourselves... Of course we still had to complete the homestudy, background checks etc. Our DS's firstmom found us through the ParentProfiles site, which is one place you can look if you don't want to work with an agency... but please remember that many people not working with agencies have not necessarily been declined. The just chose not to use one.

I will second the OB suggestion. When I was pregnant and hadn't yet selected a family, my OB told me they had "lots" of names they could pass on to me. I didn't go that route because I lucked into the aparents I found through a friend, but I have noted that as an option to other people. Ress

our daughter was given to us via way of our local priest. He knew the family who's daughter was looking into adoption and he knew we wanted to adopt.