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Just wondering how many of you kept the name your orginally desided on before your adoption failed. I went throught several months of playing the name game with DH. Finally got him to agree to a name when we were matched, I name that I LOVED, goes well with our DS name and with our last name, not an easy task.
Well now that the adoption failed, I filled out the orginal birth certificate so his name will always be the name I gave him, (although I am sure she will give him a lovely nickname), she probably will never have that monies to change it.
So now I am stuck, to I use the name again, (kind of hate too, like using a name of a sibling that is no longer with us) but I really love the name or choose another name. Which with our name playing history it is very difficult.
It took me two days of straight naming of names to DH to come up with 1st DS name, and two years to nail down the middle name (DSS to it took two years to finalize.
So what did others do?
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We did not use the same name we had picked for our failed adoption. We named him Checobe, Cobe for short. It was on the Birth Certificate as well. But in circumstances like this, the Mother IS ALLOWED to change the birth certificate, without cost. At least that is what the attorney told us. She named him Christopher but kept the middle name we gave him.
When we adopted the next time, it was a girl so no problem. The next time was a boy but we had 2 years to think of a new name. To be honest, the new name is MUCH better fitting!!!
Sorry for your failed match.
Deb
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We went through two adoptions that failed before we had our son. Both previous adoptions were supposed to be boys (one turned out to be a girl) but we kept the same name for our son that we had originally planned for. The only detail that is different is that the adoptions failed BEFORE the birthmom gave birth so there was no birth certificate to fill out or anything. I'm not sure if that would make a difference though. The birthmom probably would have changed the name anyway. We adopted our first son at 5 1/2 months. We kept his birth name and added a name to it. He was born Michael Douglas and we added Jacob to the begining so he is Jacob Michael Douglas.Hope this helps! Jaefer
We discard names after failure. So we have gone through 1 girl's name and 1 boy's name. We have a baby due 9/25 and the Emom is starting to send those signals again...so I think we will have yet another name discarded off the list. My mother agrees that we discard these names as she sees each failed adoption as a miscarriage. Here's hoping we get a baby before we run out of options! Trixie
We had two failed adoptions, a boy and a girl. The birth mom had put her name on the birth certificate for the failed boy, so...when our son was born this last Dec., we used the name that we originally planned for. It was a name with meaning for us and I felt like I didn't want to be "punished" by not using it. Does that make sense? Michelle
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Our placement failed before the original birth certificate information had been filled out, so when I found out that mom chose another name entirely from the one we chose, I felt free to use it again (it was a very precious family name that was and is significant to us) - and did - although the twin that got the name will never know that. We always refer to the baby in our failed placement as "Emily" - the name her mom chose for her.
I absolutely loved the name I picked for my SnuggleBunny. It was my 2 grandmothers' names, plus the first name had the same meaning as "T"'s name. And it was just so pretty. She was with me for several days, and the name just became so completely her. . . after the placement failed, "T" changed her birth certificate, but I couldn't bear to give the same name to anyone else. To me, it felt like an attempt to replace her. In fact, I couldn't even pick from the same list! I had to start over. Luckily, I now have a son-- so I needn't have worried so much about it after all.
We had the same problem!!! 1st time, we were matched and then the bmom changed her mind before we met anyone - but that name went off our list. That would have been Katelyn. Second time was an actual disruption, baby Zoe came home with us for 2 days, before bmom changed her mind. She'll always be Zoe in our minds, although I am sure the bmom changed it back to what she liked.... Hope the 3rd time is the charm, and a BOY, because we are really running dry on girls names that we like.... Both times we also used my mom's name as a middle name, and now we are starting to rethink that too - which bums me out because I wanted to honor her somehow. 1st daughter has DH's mom's name as her middle name.... Not sure what to do now... Thoughts??
Wrightr34-Ours didn't go as far as yours, but we have a first and middle name chosen and when our adoption failed, we never stopped calling our daughter to be, Emma. The baby that this birthmother carried wasn't our Emma and we will have her one day. I don't think it would be bad to keep the name unless it would be too hard for your to think about. The way you can look at it is just like in schools, there are a lot of children with the same names, first and middle sometimes too, but that doesn't make them your little boy, right?
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With our failed one (had him home a week before we returned him), we chose a name that we absolutely loved... a name that since I was younger I always knew I would name my son. His mother (our oldest sons birthmom) changed it after we took him back naming him a name that I would never had chosen in a million years (lol) but gave him my husbands name as a middle name (which was pretty much a slap in the face)... alas, when we had our youngest son he was named in foster care by being given his mothers maiden name as his first name and his fathers last name - we changed it to another name we love BUT we kept the middle name from the failed one as it was a family name...
g.