Do I have an attachment issue ...?? HELP

First let me just say that I am no attachment expert. However, I also want to say that my daughter has zero stranger weariness. She came home at almost 21 months. The first two days of our life together she had no interest in me. Since then we have bonded. She does like to be rocked and hugged and crawls into bed with me all the time. But she is not afraid of strangers in the least. At our first post placement she said hi to the social worker and took her hand and dragged her to the middle of the room. She adjusted to day care fine. We went on vacation and gladly went with my friends to the beach for the day because I was too burned to go out in the sun. The other day in the park she stopped 2 ladies passing by to show them her necklace. She has been home just over a year now. She knows who mom is. She shows me affection. She adores my mom. But she is also the most outgoing child I have ever met. I don't worry about the stranger weariness (or lack there of) right now because she shows me affection and attachment in other ways. Samantha

[FONT=Comic Sans MS]For once I will give the short answer...[/FONT][FONT=Comic Sans MS][/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS]1.) Trust your gut.[/FONT][FONT=Comic Sans MS][/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS]2.) If you have to question attachment...look and dig deeper into it.[/FONT][FONT=Comic Sans MS][/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS]3.) Red Flags - But, I can't help but be concerned that she has NO stranger weariness at all- I could leave her with a perfect stranger and she would go willingly. At night she seems to be anxious to get into her crib rather than be rocked or cuddled for a while. She also doesn't really like to sit in our laps as she would rather be on the floor playing.[/FONT][FONT=Comic Sans MS][/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS]4.) Huge red flags - (we got her a 10 1/2 months and she had no trouble leaving her foster mother either!) and still doesn't seem to see me as her mom or my husband or I as primary caregivers. [/FONT][FONT=Comic Sans MS][/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS]I would look into now...no harm done if there isn't anything going on. [/FONT]

Keep her glued to you constantly, "wearing her" in a sling so that she feels your skin, smells you, etc.. Get breaks only from Dad (with him "wearing" her, too). At this age, the only way for her to understand your role is for her to "feel" you as her primary caregiver and come to depend on you to provide for her needs (food, comfort, etc.). Try to limit other caregivers as much as possible. She's probably happy to go to anyone because that has been her life experience so far, especially if she hasn't suffered abuse, neglect, or other trauma each time she was introduced to someone new. It may be just all that she knows, so it's "normal" for her to find happiness with a variety of people. Do all of the attachment games and activities suggested on this site and elsewhere online. Continue to encourage the loving eye contact, jumping/hugging games, constant rewards from Mommy (and Daddy, too, but mostly from Mommy at this point) such as time, attention, and "sweet" treats (Somehow babies associate sweetness with moms, something to do with the sweetness of breastmilk or something. Banana bites and other fruits should suffice). RE: not wanting to cuddle...Does she have sensory integration issues? Does she seem "sensitive" to different textures, smells, tastes, sounds, etc.? If so, get her evaluated. She was in foster care, so you can likely rule out the typical SID experienced by post-institutionalized kiddos, but it wouldn't hurt to have her checked if she's exhibiting these symptoms. Otherwise, it sounds like you're already doing a great job. The recommendation to always go with your gut is right on, but no need to panic just yet. True, lots of little ones haven't developed stranger anxiety by this age, yet, so that will come as she begins to see YOU as her primary caregiver/Mommy. However, you'll need to give her the tools to be able to do that, beginning with limiting her exposure to other adults, however painful that may be for them. (Trust me, your family won't understand, but you need to do what's best for your tot...at least for 6 months or so.) Good luck!

I would also limit her exposure to anyone but you and DH...this means NO sitters, NO daycare, NO crae recieved from anyone but you and DH.It sounds as though she may be comfortably and happily UNattached...DO the rocking and holding and cuddling while feeding her treats...and ONLY give her treats while being held and rocked and cuddled....Don't allow her to set the terms of affection...You go and pick her up and hug and cuddle her without HER initiating it. Bottom line, she doesn't see you as the most important person in her life, so you need to teach her that you are. I don't see an inability to attach just yet, just a unwillingness to.It sounds like a bad habit, and you need to break it. Stranger-danger issues aside, she needs to instinctively turn to you and DH ONLY EVERYTIME for her needs to be met...this includes physical affection...no hugging, cuddling, holding or kissing anyone else should be allowed at this stage.