40 Or Older

Hi Michelle, For us a big part was our age and the wait time for int'l. It was also the travel time and expenses. We also wanted to bring home a newborn. Neither one is better it is just what works for your family at the time.

In adopting our first two babies, we were already living overseas, so the choice to go international, was a 'no-brainer', so to speak. In adopting babies again, years later....we might very well had gone with international again.......considering Africa. However, because we were/are older, we would only be allowed to adopt a child older than three. (This was the info from more than one agency.) After going through what we did with the older child adoptions, we had no desire to adopt an older baby/child, period. Sooooo, we went private domestic and have been very happy with this. Sincerely, Linny

We are in our mid-forties, me 45 and dh 46. We first started fertility treatments when I was 39. We tried everything, and have now decided to try to adopt. Because of our ages, we were told using an agency wasn't an option, so we've signed on with an attorney. We've done our homestudy and are certified by the courts. Now comes trying to find a bmom. I'm feeling very frustrated because it seems like most bmoms go through agencies and of course have many YOUNGER famiies to consider as adoptive parents. So, I wonder how do we, as a childless couple, come across as the wonderful parents I know we'll be (or hope!) Our attorney also does international adoption, so we also have a homestudy approved to move forward with a Hungarian adoption. But now I'm learning that the children are older--4 or 5 and just a few months back the referrals she was getting was for 2 yr old. I'm feeling very frustrated. The reason we chose Hungary was because my dh is not comfortable with adopting a different race child and as much as I don't agree with his feelings, I have to respect his wishes. So, that leaves me feeling discouraged. Any advice would be appreciated. Has anyone out there over 40 successfully adopted a newborn using an atty and not an agency? How did u locate the bmom?

We did domestic, but had to get a waiver from our priest because the agency had an age limit and a "years married" requirement" We married late, so in order to satisfy the marriage requirement, we'd be up against the age requirement. We never really considered international seriously. I have a couple of friends (and I know they are not the norm) who did internationals and wound up w/ kids with severe RAD. Both had to be unwound, children institutionalized, and in one case, my friends divorced. I have an almost irrational fear of RAD and wanted to bring home a newborn---which is just not possible in most international adoptions.