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Hello,
I am new to the boards and this seems like a great community.
I was just wondering if any of you had reluctant spouses at first. DH and I have been married for over 2 years now and in those 2 years we have had 4 pregnancy lossess. 3 m/c and a tubal pregnancy.
I am ready to move on to adoption. I feel as if my mind and heart and body cant take anymore pressure trying to stay pregnant. My DH strongly believes that its not time to move on to adoption yet and that God will bless us with a child of our own soon. I want to respect his wishes and desires.
So my question is have any of you had a relucationt spouse and did they come around? How did you deal with it while you were waiting?
Thank You
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My husband and I struggled with infertility for 4 years before deciding to adopt. I felt from a very young age that adoption was something I would like to learn more about one day and possibly pursue. Well my husband wasn't quite there. We were at the point of invetro and I really didn't want to take that step. We decided to work together on this decision. I would go to the invetro info session and he would read/learn about adoption. All the while I am praying daily for the Lord to change his mind and show him that adoption was what His plan was for us.
We went to the invetro meeting and both walked out saying that wasn't for us. Relief for me!!! He then turned to me and said, "Tell me about adoption. I want to know more." I was thrilled! We went and spoke with a couple of agencies and spoke with adoptive families we know to learn more about the process and what kind of journey we were getting in to.
We decided to adopt! We prayed for about 3 months after the first agreement to explore adoption and both felt this was what God had planned for us.
I can tell you that it is so important that you both be in agreement that adoption is the right thing for your family. You as a woman, will need his support during the adoption to keep you grounded when the emotions take over. Trust me, they will take over. Pray a lot!
A quick end to the story is that when we went to meet our son for the first time my husband said the most beautiful thing I have ever heard. He said, "I don't know how anyone could not want to do this (adopt). He is so perfect." I could not believe what had come out of his mouth and just said, "Man what a blessing. The Lord has truely changed your heart as I prayed. You don't even remember hesitating towards adoption, do you?" Praise God! My husband's heart was so changed by God that he didn't even remember doubting adoption as an option.
We are now in the process of adopting our second child and can tell you that every day we look at our son and say how blessed we are to have him. He is truely the child God had planned for us and we can't even remember life without him.
Pray for your husband and give this to the Lord. The Lord will change your husbands heart if it is His will for your lives.
May God be with you and Bless you abundantly.
My husband said "NO WAY" would he ever adopt. We struggled with infertility for 8 years and he just kept saying "it would happen".
What changed his mind was my nephew and his very young girlfriend had twin girls. The girls spent ALOT of time at our house as infants because my nephew was/is a jerk. My husband fell in love with them and realized that he COULD love an adopted child as much as his own.
Now our son is his pride and joy.
Good luck to you.
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I also had a "reluctant spouse." ironically, DH is adopted and is about the most "pro-adoption" person in the world. but he said that he really wanted to have a bio child since he had no other bio link in the world...it made me really sad that we were unable to get or stay pg...(btw, I am sooo sorry for your losses). after i had an early pg loss, I "forced" him to go to an adoption orientation. well, it seemed to be like a "light going off" in his head. we did do one other ivf, but I honestly didn't really care whether it worked or not. fast forward, and DH now says he is so glad that we were infertile because he cannot imagine having any child besides DD...she is everything he ever wanted and more, he says (sniff sniff!). i can't even tell you what an awesome relationship they have. maybe you can ask DH just to "consider" going to an orientation with you...you don't have to commit to anything, but it's just an information -gathering stage. i hope your DH comes around...I know how tough it is....Good luck to you, Karen
My poor DH had no hope. I've wanted to adopt since I was about six so adoption came with the package. I know he had serious doubts and I made him sit down with me and air everything out before we got married. As it was I absolutely know that he hoped I'd change my mind and try for one bio child. When we started the adoption process I think he finally realized that wasn't to be. I worried all through our wait that he'd be bitter toward me or worse, the baby when he/she came along. He never seemed interested in anything adoption-related. I handeld paperwork, contacts, agency questions, inquiries, etc. As it turns out, I had absolutely nothing to worry about. He can't wait to get to Eve every day when he gets home and Daddy Daughter Tuesdays are his favorite day of the week. We were in a wedding last weekend and my Mom had to make DH give Eve up long enough to be in pictures, lol! He's already talking about baby #2 and my biggest concern is that he's going to insist we wait for a boy. So they do turn around, it just takes them awhile to get there.
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