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I would love feedback from people who have children of more than one race. We have 2 biological, white children. We also have 1 adopted, black child. None of them remember life without the others as our bio kids were only 2 and 3 when we adopted our son (who was 8 months at the time).
A lot of attention gets spent talking about the adjustment of the adopted child, but my question is about the biological children. Because my son is cute, and little, and stands out from the rest of the family, as he's black and we're not, he gets LOTS of attention from people. People are constantly stopping us and telling him how cute he is, asking about him, etc.
My 5 year old is really sad that no one ever asks her anything, no one ever says she's cute, etc. And she's right--the attention pretty much all goes to our son. I don't want her to be resentful of him, or really sad about this, but I don't really know what to say....
I've been over him being the "baby" and him standing out, but I think him standing out is what is really starting to irk her as it means he gets tons of attention and she doesn't....she's a super sweet kid--just really kind of upset that she has a story to tell too, but no one asks...
Any help with this???
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I do not have both bio and adopted kids. I do, however, remember being the kid who didn't get all the attention, even though I was the youngest. My sisters were adopted from Korea, so they always "stood out" wherever we were and got tons of attention.I think it is important to listen to your daughter and try to encourage her. Maybe when someone goes on and on about how cute your son is, you could say something like, "Oh, I know, I think ALL my kids are gorgeous!" Then go on to point out something really sweet each child has done recently. That may help some!I get that with my 2 boys. My youngest child is EXTREMELY outgoing and people are just drawn to him. They go on and on about him and my 6 yr old doesn't get it. So, I try to always point out good qualities in each child's behaviors (and not limit it to looks).(((((hugs)))))) Hang in there and I do hope some people will be able to give you some advice!
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Ani,
Wow, that answer was really obvious and yet SO GOOD and for some reason I just had not thought of it. I feel kind of stupid now--I mean, that makes complete sense.
I feel really guilty now too--I've sat there answering questions, saying yes, he is great, etc. and thinking to myself "why don't you ask about the other kids" when really I should have been turning it back to me and I should have been the one to start talking about my other kids, unprompted. UGH. I hope I'm not too late to make up ground.
Honestly, I can't tell you how great this advice is. Now I almost want someone to start up about my son so I can plug my other kids in front of them :)
Teranga, don't feel stupid! Like I said, I grew up being one of the kids that didn't stand out, so I am just speaking from what my Dad would do for us. ;)There is a forum that is devoted to bio and adopted kids. It is called [URL="http://forums.adoption.com/adoption-other-children/"]Adoption & Other kids[/URL]. I can't wait to hear an update on how it goes next time! :grouphug:
Although my daughter is the same race as my son, we were all unprepared for the feelings he would have. He was 16 and we were shocked that he had such feeling of jealousy. People would fawn over our daughter, who was 8, telling us how beautiful she was, and never mention him. I always said that we were so lucky that ALL of our kids were so attractive and smart as well. One year later we are still dealing with some feelings being hurt but things are much better now.