A Need to understand

Can anyone out there please tell me how an adoptive mother who has raised an adopted son, mostly on her own for the last 17 years, is suppose to feel when this child who is now 25 writes things like this in their blogs on myspace: I'm going to arizona, and I cant wait to get there! I really think that there is something for me out there, and there is: my family...; and what more could a person need. Thats not to say that i wont be homesick at some point and miss my mom and certain people here, but im just ready to get out of here...no matter how hard it is. We live in NJ. It has been rough times for my son and I over the years and he has put alot of emotional distance between us. I even helped him find his birth family hoping that it would fill in the blanks for him and maybe our relationship would be better. He found the information that the bio aunt on his bio dad's side was the one with information posted on adoption sites. J (my adopted son) was messing around on ask.com two months ago and decided to put in his pre-adoption name (yes he has known from day one he is adopted) to see what he would find and found the bio aunt info and text messaged me the next morning to take a look at it and see what I thought he was thinking it was a hoax. That was 8-9-07 by noon I had found the bio aunt on myspace and by the end of the evening it had been verified that it was them. I was so thrilled to have the contact. His bio aunt and I talked on myspace for a while that night and I was so happy to have given them the news that J was ok. J was not sure about the whole thing, he didn't want it to be bull. I pulled out my paperwork from the adoption and verified the address that was listed for the bio father and bio aunt and I exchanged information that I knew of on the bio mother (she has passed). J decided to contact her himself on that Friday night. I had shared everything that was said between the bio aunt and myself with him but now that his is talking to them everything is hush hush. I took time out of my schedule on that Sunday and spent 6 hours pulling out pictures throughout the years and posting them on my myspace for them to see how he changed over the years because they only had one picture of him before he was adopted. Did I get a thank you? No. Did I have to do this for them? No. From the moment that J started to talk to them, she seemed to quit talking to me unless I make first contact. At the first of September, J asked me to help him make reservations to go out to see the bio relatives in October. So we did, I was going to pay for it but he insisted that he pay. We found flights for $178 and up, he choose his flight. That was on September 9, 2007. On September 12, 2007, I awoke to a text message telling me at 3:23am he was hopping a plane to Arizona, don't be mad he loves me and always will and he will be returning on September 18. I wasn't mad just hurt that he couldn't call me and let me know that he was doing this. He took no clothings, no cell phone plug and gave me no flight information. So if there was a plane crash or something for a flight to Tucson I would never of known whether he was on that flight. He called me later that day, I told him I wasn't mad just hurt. We talked for a little while then he had to go. On that Saturday before he returned, he called me to see what was up and I was having a car problem at that time, I could tell he had something to tell me but wasn't sure what to say because he had long pauses between sentences. Then he said oh, my dad is calling, I waited for him to say hold on a minute but he didn't so I with a hurtful attitude said well I better let you go, love you goodbye and he said i love you bye and we hung up. I felt so thrown to the side and replaced at that moment. When he got home from his trip I tried to ask him questions about things and he seem so reluntant to say anything. I asked about his bio dad, bio aunt and anyone else he had meet. Well, by the end of the evening I was told that he didn't want to come back and that they are his family and he is not sure where I fit. They are his blood. Does he care how that hurt? I have been his family and the only one there for him. When his adoptive father and I got a divorce his adoptive father divorce all of us. I thought for the longest time that it was because J was not his blood but later found out that he abandoned his our blood too since he had gotten a young lady pregnant here in NJ. Yes, the adoptive father knows of the child, she was already born when he disappeared. J said his bio dad told him he had to come back and do things the right way, but J's said his right way was for me to just come home one day and he would have packed his car and left. Well, boxes have shown up at the house and I have so many questions but his way of dealing with things is just to cause a major fight so that you will throw him out so he doesn't have to feel guilty about leaving. We have been through this once when adoptive dad came back into his life about three years ago. He caused a fight and said some pretty awlful things, but since I was not throwing him out he decided to leave on his own. Came back in one week, like nothing had ever happened and was ready to move back into his room. I couldn't let it happen just like that we needed to talk about an attitude adjustment and a list of items of respect he had to follow. So J and I meet for dinner, I gave him the list and he throw it back in my face and left, the next thing I knew he was in CA with his adoptive dad. Within three weeks he was begging to come back and decided that he would follow the list(which never really happened), but he wanted to leave now but his adoptive father was out of town on business. I refused to get him a flight ticket back until his adoptive father returned from his trip and he told him himself he was leaving. Now J has made that trip we had scheduled for him back in September for October and his attitude is even worse. He doesn't talk to me I find out things by reading his myspace and overhearing conversations he is having on the phone as he goes from his room to his car to smoke. Saturday, J and I had an appointment with our family counselor at 9am but J didn't come home the night before and when I paged him and texted him his answer was he wasn't going. PLEASE TELL ME WHAT I AM TO DO AND FEEL RIGHT NOW... Do I have a right to feel hurt, relpaced and abandoned. I keep hearing how his bio dad is worried about my feelings but not once how my son is worried. I have offered up my phone number for his bio dad to call me at anytime. But haven't heard from him. I told J that some day when he is talking to bio dad he could introduce us over the phone, J's answer I wouldn't do that to him. But you will do all the hurtful things to me, I guess I am really loved by this kid since the old saying goes you always hurt the ones that you love. At one point at the very beginning of finding the bio family J told me that wouldn't be great if you and my bio dad got married some day. Well I am already married to a man that J has never let into his life or his circle but J will admit at times that he loves and cares for my husband but just not to his face. Thank you for reading my story...if you can give me some guidance I would really appreciate it. Thanks M