Attatchment Activities

are suggestions from therapists and parents of RAD kids[LIST=1][*]Wear infant in a chest carrier, all day if possible, facing IN.[*]Mom should initially be the only person who is meeting the baby's needs. Baby needs to build a bond with one person first, then she can branch out to others.[*]Bathe together, to promote skin to skin contact. Baby & Mom can wear the same lotion so baby associates scent with mom.[*]If you use cologne (or if you don't, use your shampoo), place a tiny bit on her arm so she has your smell with her at all times.[*]Laminate loving family pictures of you together and put around her crib and other places.[*]Outline her body, as well as your own on huge sheets of newsprint. Color them (great activity). Tape the "portraits" to her ceiling.[*]When feeding her something she particularly likes, tell her you are a good mommy/daddy. Telling her with words that you are a good mommy is important -- otherwise, how would she know?![*]Play with dolls to act out how parents always return after child goes to day care, babysitter, bed, etc.[*]Draw cartoon panels of the day's routine, so that your child can see that Mom and Child always come back to the same home together. Anxiety and stress can interfere with auditory processing, so it is important to use something visual that can be held in the hand.[*]Give your child a laminated picture of the family to carry with her all the time.[*]Limit choices. At first parents should make all decisions, including foods, toys and clothes. This helps the child feel safe. Then as the child becomes accustomed to the new family, limited choices can be given, e.g. a choice between 2 foods.[*]Dress alike. Wear the same colors, type of outfit, accessories, hairstyle, etc. and point out how you look alike.[*]Claim your child. Tell her she belongs to you. Give her a big hug and say "MINE!" Make up songs about your family, e.g.:I am your Mom

You're my sweet girl

Just like a pearl

so rare and precious

You are mine

and I am yours

'Cause together we're a family.[/LIST]Encourage Eye Contact"Look in my eyes. Don't look away" - Mr. Soil from Bug's Life[LIST=1][*]Bottle feed no matter what the age. Encourage eye contact by gently touching her cheek. DO NOT let her hold the bottle. Nourishment has to come from parent(s); be sure to hold her when feeding.[*]If she turns away (avoiding eye contact) try placing a large mirror accross from you. That way, when she turns away, she will see herself in your embrace.[*]Continue to hold her in your gaze. It may take a long time for her to glance at you. When she finally does, be ready with a warm, loving, approving smile. This sounds little, but is really big and pays big rewards in our experience.[*]Encourage eye contact by gently tapping the bridge of her nose and yours as a hand-signal to look at you.[*]Stroke her cheek.[*]Put her hands on your cheeks. Children's eyes often go where their hands are.[*]Play Peek-a boo. This develops the concept of object permanence (that even if you can't see something, it's still there). For kids who are still anxious about Mommy leaving, repeat "Where's the Baby? Here's the Baby! Where's Mommy? Here's Mommy! Mommy goes to work, Mommy comes home!" to emphasize the message that Mommy always comes back.[*]Have baby pull a sticker off your nose - and put it back.[*]Wear a stick-on dot or earring as a "beauty mark."[*]Stare into each other's eyes. If your child can keep eye contact for 20 seconds, feed her a chocolate kiss or candy heart. Increase the amount of time.[*]MUSICAL NOSE - Sing a song and let your child pinch your nose so you sound very silly. You stop singing if she breaks eye contact.[*]MUSICAL SWING - put child in baby swing. Face her as you push. Encourage eye contact by singing a song, and stopping if she looks away.[*]Fill your cheeks with air. Have child "pop" them.[*]Take turns feeding each other. This works great with raisins, cheerios, and popcorn.[*]Eskimo kisses - rub noses and stare into each others eyes.[*]Play in front of a mirror. Make faces, paint Mommy's face, trace each other's faces on the mirror with washable marker, finger paint with shaving cream. Let your child be your puppet and make her dance. Make dolls dance. Any kind of game that gets your child to relax and meet your eyes in the mirror, will likely get her relaxed enough to meet your eyes directly.[*]Instead of using an actual mirror, take turns being each other's mirror. Sit face to face, and have your child imitate every facial movement you make, and vice versa. Then try it with your whole body, mirroring each other's movements.[*]For an older child, try lipreading with each other. While you're not really getting eye contact, you're at least looking at each other's faces.[/LIST]Games which Encourage Attachment[LIST=1][*]Play hide and seek (also develops object permanence).[*]Play catch! Roll a ball back and forth (teaches reciprocity). Throwing or batting a balloon back and forth may be easier than throwing a ball for little ones.[*]Hold baby in your arms and dance with her. A very synchronous activity.[*]Swim together.[*]Paint each others faces with paint, power, or just pretend.[*]Put lotion on each other.[*]A Memory game but with a more personal touch: Have your child look you over very carefully. Then leave the room and return after you've changed something about yourself. See if she can figure out what is different. It could be something really obvious for younger kids, like taking off a sweater, but for older kids you could get more challenging, like buttoning one more button on the sweater.[*]Guess the Goodies: Put several small treats in a bag or cup. child closes their eyes. You pop a treat in their mouth and they try to guess what it is.[*]Tunnels: Parents kneel on floor forming a tunnel. Child crawls through the tunnel as fast as they can before the tunnel collapses. first few times let child get completely through, then have it gently collapse onto child.[*]Pillow ride: have child sit on big floor pillow and you drag them around the room. You only move when given eye contact.[*]M&M hockey: Use bendy straws and blow candy across table to other persons goal. When you score a goal, the opponent feeds you the candy.[*]Marshmallow fight: Each person uses a pillow as a shield. Sit on the floor and throw marshmallows at each other. Gets wild and crazy and is a lot of fun. Can do the same with crumpled paper.[*]Crawling into arms: Child starts in corner of room. Cannot start until adult says go. Start by saying "lo", "mo" etc. instead of "go" to help child learn to attend better. Then child crawls across room as fast as they can to you. You are standing on other side of room and make a large circle with arms. Child needs to stand up in the circle. gradually reduce the size of the circle and gets a big reward of kisses hugs and/or a treat.[*]Jumping across pillows to arms: set up pillow islands in a pattern across floor. Child starts at one end, you are at the other. Child starts when you direct them to as noted above. Child jumps across the islands and into your arms. Finding goodies. Hide candies on yourself and child needs to find them.[*]Donut Dare: You hold a donut on your finger through the hole and the child sees how many bites they can take before it falls off.[*]Lifesavers on Licorice String: Put each end of shoestring licorice in yours and childs mouth (helps to tie a knot so that it stays in mouth better). Have a gummy lifesaver on the string. By standing up and maneuvering without hands, feed the lifesavers to each other.[/LIST]Circle of LoveMy daughter is 4, and for a long time didn't quite "get" who she could be affectionate with, and who deserved a handshake or less. We took a long sheet of paper (therapist suggestion) and drew a big heart on one end and drew pictures of our immediate family within it. This was "our family circle of love", and we discussed how we can always act lovingly toward anyone in our immediate family circle (*HINT* draw your daughter's birthmother in there too! I didn't think of it and it came back at me later!). Then, in smaller descending hearts we drew extended family, then friends, then doctors, mail carriers, casual babysitters etc. We talked about appropriate behavior for her toward each group, practiced scenarios, and I also gave her permission to NOT hug or kiss anyone outside her immediate family.What I had been thinking was totally an attachment issue really turned out to be, for us, a missed-rung on the post-institutional developmental ladder...the mural idea gave us lots to discuss, and very much helped her behaviors.Sensory ActivitiesMouth - to improve speech[LIST=1][*]Lots of bubble blowing.[*]Drinking with a straw, especially thick milkshakes.[*]Whistle blowing (I know, it can become irritating to mom real fast).[*]Party blowers -- the ones that un-curl and then curl back up again.[*]Provide different kinds of textures to move around -- both with his tongue and with his hands: baby peas, rice, couscous, puddings, jello. Paint a plate with chocolate pudding and then eating it off the plate and hands is fun -- although you might want to try a colored plate and vanilla pudding if your child is under two.[*]Wake up his taste buds -- sour candies like Sweet Tarts, chili, pepper, mustard, paprika, pickles -- anything with vinegar. Learning the sour taste is especially important.[*]Tapping very lightly above the upper lip above the gum line--but NOT on the midline.[*]Making "mouth music."[*]Tear tissue in small pieces or strips and blow it across the table top.[/LIST]Tactile - Loubee, Dobee TimeOne mom uses Creamy Style Vaseline, and makes lotion time an attachment activity time with these games:[LIST=1][*]Pass the lotion. Get lots of lotion on your hand and let your daughter try to get all of it off, and then pass it back and forth.[*]Slippy hands. After lotioning pretend to hold on tight to each others' hands and then "whoops" slip off backwards with lots of exageration and laughter.[*]Hand Stacking. Place your hand on the bottom, then one of your daughters, then yours, then your daughters. Slip your bottom hand out and put it on top. Just keep on going to "build the stack".[*]Lotion painting. Paint pictures on eack other and then rub them in and start over.[/LIST]

Having Fun With Your Baby or Toddler! The best part of helping your baby or toddler to attach is that you get to spend large parts of the day interacting with your sweetie in fun and silly ways. Note: Some activities may feel threatening to a child who has just arrived home or to a child who has a significant attachment disorder. Pay attention to your childs comfort level and consult an attachment therapist if you have concerns. Cracker/Cereal Kisses For older babies: Place a Cheerioҙbetween your lips and allow the baby to eat it directly from your mouth. For toddlers: Sit on the floor a short distance away from your toddler. Place a mini Teddy Grahamor other small cracker between your lips. Have the child crawl to you and eat the treat from your mouth. As the child comprehends the game, he may sit further and further from you, thereby maintaining eye contact for longer and longer periods of fun. One mom writes that mini Teddy Grahamٙ kisses work WONDERS!!!! He just laughs and laughs and I get to steal lots of kisses. He practically throws himself on me to get the teddy from my lips...it's so much fun!Ӕ Eye Contact Games Lets Play Ball! Play games with a large plastic ball. I sit my baby on top of the ball and sit on the floor so we are facing each other and looking into each otherҒs eyes. I sing songs while rocking him back and forth, side to side, or bouncing on top of the ball. He loves the songs and movement but once he stops looking at me the movement stops until he finds my eyes again. Mirror Images We sit on the floor next to each other or he sits in my lap in front of the closet mirror and we make silly faces. He laughs at my silly faces and enjoys seeing the ones he can make too. Sticker Face or Bubble Face Game Set the child on your lap, facing you. Blow bubbles or put stickers on your nose. You keep control of the bubble wand or stickers. One mom writes, Before she was completely verbal (age 2 - 2.5) we'd make her say "ppppp" for please sticker or "bbbbb" for please bubble. She had to give eye contact, say the consonant sound, and then we would blow the bubbles or put a sticker on her nose.Ӕ DonӒt You Look at Me Game At intermittent times during the day I'd get down to her level, initiate close direct eye contact (even holding her head gently if I had to) and say "don't you look at me" in a very playful tone then turn my head away. She'd run around me trying to get eye contact; when she did, the tickle bugs came out! Zoom Game Hold the childԒs head gently and zoom your face into hers to the point of touching noses. A mom writes, We'd say "Zoooooooooom,Ӕ her eyes would cross, and we'd all giggle. Kisses Make up different types of kisses: butterfly (brushing eyelashes against the cheek while looking into her eyes), whale (same as butterfly but without the fluttering eyelashes), and Eskimo (rubbing noses together.) Blinking Games Shut your eyes tight and open one or both, etc... A mom shares, ԓThe other day we were snuggling and he started blinking, closing his eyes and opening them and giggling. At first I didn't know what he was doing and then it occurred to me he was playing the blinking game. It has become a little game that HE initiates now. Makes me laugh every time! Where's the Baby? At age 18 months, my son pointed to my eye and said, Baby.Ӕ He saw himself in the reflection of my eyes. He kept looking intently into my eyes. For many months after this I could get him to establish and maintain eye contact by asking him, "Where's the baby?" He would stare deeply into my eyes, looking for his own reflection. [INDENT]On Eye ContactWith our daughter, the different approaches are what finally taught her to look at our eyes when she wanted something or wanted to talk to us. She still has problems maintaining extended periods of eye contact but now that she's verbal and older, it's much easier to explain to her that looking at someone lets them know you are talking to them and it makes them feel important. She gets that. We knew she was catching on when one day, very distracted by something else, I answered her without looking at her and she said, œExcuse me, Mama...are you listening?...I don't see your eyes!"[/INDENT]Bonding Activities Mommy/Baby Monkey Look at some pictures of mommy monkeys with their babies. Tell the child that the baby monkey holds tight to the mommy and the mommy keeps the baby safe. When a tiger comes close, the baby runs to the mommy and holds on tight. Show the child how to wrap his arms and legs tightly around you. Ask someone to pretend to be a tiger. When the tiger growls* the child should run to you and cling to you tightly, like a monkey. The tiger checks to see if the monkey is holding tight. If any limbs arent tight, the tiger can give the limb a gentle tug. *Note: the intent is not to terrify the child! The tiger can very gently growl҅just enough to help the child understand that its time to grab hold of Mom. This helps the child learn reciprocal holding. Where is Mommy? Playing a variety of peek-a-boo and hide and seek games is fun and focuses the childҒs attention on his mommy. During the games I frequently say, Where is Mommy?Ӕ or Look at Mommy,Ӕ reinforcing who Mommy is. This is also helpful outside of game time when I need my son to look at me. Go Fishing Together! Get some goldfish crackers, pretzel sticks and peanut butter. Put all in three separate dishes. Tell the child he has to do some work and go fishingӔ for Mommy. He has to take a pretzel stick, dip it in peanut butter and stick a goldfish on it. Then he puts what he caughtӔ on a separate plate and/or feeds the fish to Mommy. (And, of course, Mommy can go fishingӔ and feed him!) Singing and Nursery Rhymes We sing familiar songs with attachment-friendly lyrics. [INDENT]Rock a bye baby, in the treetop,When the wind blows, the cradle will rock,When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall,And Mommy will catch you, cradle and all.[/INDENT]Some nursery rhymes need a little tweaking: [INDENT]There was an old woman who lived in a shoe.She had so many children she knew just what to do.She gave them some broth. She gave them some bread.She gave hugs and kisses and tucked them in bed.[/INDENT]Make up lyrics using familiar songs that have the childs name in it and the fact that you are his forever mommy. Sing during bottle time and on car rides. Examples (to the tune of ҔAre You Sleeping?) [INDENT]I love baby, sweet sweet baby,Joshua, JoshuaI will be your Mommy, forever always Mommy,Joshua, JoshuaMommy loves you, Mommy loves you,Yes she does, yes she does,Mommy loves Johnny. Mommy loves Johnny.Yes, she does. Yes, she does.[/INDENT]The following songs were graciously contributed by Deb in Minnesota: [INDENT]My mommy keeps me safe,My mommy keeps me safe,Hey HO! That's great to know!My mommy keeps me safe(Tune: Farmer in the Dell)variations:My mommy is in chargeԅMy mommy watches outMy mommy loves meŅMy mommy comes backMommy loves her Molly so,Molly so, Molly so,Mommy loves her Molly so,She will always keep her safe.(Tune: Mary Had a Little Lamb)Mommy loves me, yes she does,When I'm bad and when I'm good,Mommy loves me all the time,That will never change and that's just fine.Yes Mommy loves me,Yes Mommy loves me,Yes Mommy loves me,She always will love me.(Tune: Jesus loves me) Mommy loves you so much,Mommy loves you so much,Mommy loves you forever,Mommy loves you so much.(Tune: Happy Birthday to You) Zippidy do dah, zippety ay,Mommy will protect you all day.Do not worry, you are safe,Mommy protects you all dayZippidy do dah, zippety ay,Mommy loves you every day.Do not worry I won't go away,I will love you every day.(Tune: Zippidy Do Dah)Mommy loves you very muchAnd she thinks you're special.She will always keep you safe andBe your mom forever.(Tune: Yankee Doodle) Other songs:I Love You (from Barney)You Are My SunshineBooksSelect from the list in [URL="http://www.a4everfamily.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=category§ionid=5&id=15&Itemid=31"]Books for Children[/URL], or make your own: Take pictures of Mommy and baby doing daily activities together: eating, bottle feeding, sleeping, playing, rocking, dancing, hugging, etcŅ Compile the photos in a mini photo album. Look through the book frequently, making comments such as, Your good mommy is feeding you a bottleӔ or Your good mommy is rocking you. YouӒre safe with Mommy. [/INDENT]

IF (That's a big if) you can be certain that the attachment between the child and the previous caregiver was good and healthy...

Diane - I do know that he had a wonderful mommy...