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I reside in Conta Costa county.
I have been raising my 10 year old stepkids full-time for 9 years (multiples). Birth mom has repeatedly pushed the kids off on her sister, mom, friends, roomates during her two weekends a month visitation throughout the whole time she had visitation.
In 2005, we ran a background check on mother. We discovered birth mom was a felon, and was convicted on drug charges. She was on drug probation for three years.
Subsequently, Mother admitted in her affidavit to the court, that she has had an 11 year Meth/drug addiction.
In 2005, we petitioned the court to remove joint custody. Hubby was granted full custody. Mother was ordered to do 6 months of random drug testing, ordered to complete a 6 months drug program, and provide proof of completion, and ordered to 6 months of supervised visitation, at her expense.
Mother waited for 7 months, and submitted a urine drug test, from a facility she was residing at. There was no chain of custody on the urine sample, so our attorney said it would be thrown out of court.
In 2006, mother was ordered to do 12 months of random drug & alcohol testing, 6 months supervised visitation, and complete a 6 month drug program, providing all proof to our attorney. We're still waiting.
Fast forward to 2007, our attorney asked mother to get a hair panel done in March 2007. Mother waited 4 months, and then provided a hair panel (it was negative). The test was not randomly done. Mother decided when it would be done.
This has been getting dragged out for 26 months due to mother's unwilingness to comply with the last two court orders, so I decided to petition to adopt my three stepkids.
We just went to Family Court yesterday. Mother showed up with an attorney, and the Judge said he wasn't the right Judge to rule on our case. Mother's attorney lied and said mother had done everything she was court ordered to do, and when the Judge asked for the proof, the attorney said mother didn't have any proof. The JUdge then referred us to the Juvenile Court. The Judge denied without prejuidice, my request to adopt the stepkids, denied our motion to terminate mother's parental rights, and denied mother's request to commence the supervised visitation.
Our family law attorney has only handled one previous adoption, so we're seeking any info/guidance anyone can provide, to help strengthen our case.
My stepkids have ADHD, Bipolar, OCD, and anxiety issues. We want so badly to provide them with a stable, consistent, loving, and happy childhhood. This cannot and has not happened, with mother in the picture. Mother seldom showed up to pick up the kids or drop them off. Mother sent her family or friends to get the kids, and/or keep the kids for her. Everything surrounding visitation with mother was extremely problematic and unhealthy (when the kids would spend anytime with mother, she would call the kids fowl names, leave them home unattended, mother would allow the kids at age 5-6 years old to walk to the park alone, mother would be crashed out sleeping all day, because she up using meth at night, mother exposed the kids to other felons with outstanding warrants, to other druggie friends, etcetcetc).
The State has attached mother's paychecks, so we are receiving minimal amounts of child support, but mother was in contempt of court for failing to pay child support for years, to the tune of mother being $30,000 in arrears (mother only pays $100 a week, so it took years for it to accumulate to $30,000.)
The kids are currently seeing a counselor for therapy, and a child psychiatrist for med checks. We have a letter from their counselor saying the kids said they're fine with having zero contact with mother. They are happy with the *mother* they have (me). The counselor said in her professional opinion exposing the kids to the birth mom would be detrimental to their well being.
We weren't able to submit that letter to the Family Law Judge, because we didn't receive it in time to serve the mother with it, before the hearing.
Sorry this is so long. I"m trying to give as much info as possible, in hopes of getting some good advise.
This has been such a nightmare.
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Keep good records! Document everything. Keep contact and behavior logs. If she contacts the children write down what sort of contact it was, phone call, afternoon visit, overnight etc, how long it lasted, and the children's behavior leading up to and after the contact.
Keep track of school work as well. See if their school performance slumps when contact starts up. This happened to my adopted stepson when he was about that age. His biological mother would call up out of the blue, and suddenly he was too sick to go to school, or would stop turning in all of his work. He became so consumed with the idea that he might have to go for a visit with her that he would stop functioning. We too had several counselors tell us to try to terminate rights as the situation with him and her was too unstable.
If the mother is failing to get her drug tests turned into the courts on time, she should be held in contempt for failing to comply with a court order, has your attorney filed anything with the courts when she has failed to show proof of her tests?
Is it possible for you to ask that she have random drug testing? Letting her pick the times seems pointless as meth can clear out of a person's system in as little as three days, so all she has to do is straighten up for a few days, take her test and get high again.
What does your attorney propose as the next step for you?
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Thanks for your response.
Right now, our court order states mother cannot contact the kids at all. I will do a behavior log on the kids, if & when supervised visitation commences.
We have Random Drug Testing for One Year ordered as of 26 months ago, and mother just now finally signed up for Random Drug testing after 25 months of refusing to comply with the court order (right before the third court hearing, regarding this ongoing matter).
Our atty said we could get her for contempt, but filing for contempt charges against mother would cost us more money, and nothing would really happen to her. It's not worth it to spend more money, if mother is just going to get a little slap on the wrist.
My hubby & mother recently attended Mediation, so we are awaiting the Mediator's report. We're hoping the Mediator recommends mother doing 6 months of random drug testing, Before any supervised visitation occurs, reason being, mother has a long term history of refusing to comply with any & all court orders, and we have no assurance mother will continue to be Randomly drug tested on a consistent basis, after the visits commence. The kids haven't see her in 26 months, and according to their doctors letter, are happier not seeing her (she's very unstable), and we're concerned about the children's emotional wellbeing.
They are so lucky to have a stable adult in their lives. But try not to boil the ocean all at once. Compartmentalize their issues and the BM's, you can only worry about those things you can control. Celebrate the small victories.
I recommend that you contact CHADD.com, it's a non profit org who can recommend a local psychiatrist and counselors to manage your step children's issues. They also have local support groups and may also have other referral services.
While you can't immediately halt a negative influence into their lives, your stable, mature attitude and behavior will serve them well in the long run.
Also, make sure you have some time for yourself so you don't burn out. Even a few hours per week completely away from these daily challenges will revive your spirit and keep life balance.
There's a special place in heaven for someone like you. Keep us informed on your progress.
Hi,
well it looks like we are on the same boat.... I have raised my 11 year old since he was 4. His mom left when he was two months old because he was sick... His mom is just now THINKING that she is going to be mom again. I told he she was trippin and to leave us alone. I'm in the process of trying to get the paper work ready so that i can adopt him. I hope everything goes smoothly for me. She signed over her rights when she left but i dont know how to find records of it. I hope everything works out for you. If you have any advise please email me... Thank you!!!! :hissy: